All Is Bright Page #3

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and you make about a million times

less than the bullshit we used to do.

But you know what else?

What?

You don't go to prison.

Oh, wow.

You really are a dumb, dumb...

fuckhead, Rene.

Therese was right about you.

Sorry?

You're a criminal.

With a small dick.

Nobody wants to sell me tree?

Okay, don't sell me tree.

Oh.

Oh, hey.

Sorry, the other guy's not here.

And what is wrong with you?

What? Nothing.

Why can't you sell me tree?

Yeah.

You got light?

Light?

You got biggest, best tree?

Mm-hmm.

You're liar. Vermont guys

three block over got...

they have biggest, best trees.

Mm-mm.

But I feel so lazy.

No sleep last night.

There.

Yes, good.

Maybe.

How can I see this?

Give me that.

I got it.

There you go.

Okay.

Yeah?

How much is this?

Oh, uh, $20.

Ay, no.

$15.

$15? This $200 tree.

What?

Yeah.

But, you know,

then I do the thing with you

and you give it to me for $175.

Okay. Yeah.

I got money.

I need it delivered.

Oh, uh, well,

I... I can't leave

the lot right now.

When can you?

When the other guy gets back.

Very soon.

Okay.

The house is Van Toller Street,

number 192.

192 Van Toller Street.

Here.

Very good. Thank you.

Good. Thank you.

Uh, sorry,

what about the money?

First tree, then money.

I know what people

like you are like.

I was just talking to this man

who says

he hasn't eaten anything

for the last three years

of his life

except bananas

and vegetable broth.

Says he's never felt better.

Guess what.

I brought you something.

You know, you really hurt my feelings

when you called me a fuckhead.

Now you should have

some of this.

All right? Just...

where are you...?

Dennis, come on.

Where...?

Where are you going?

De...

hey, did you sell a tree?

Did...?

Oh, yeah.

Amazing!

Hi there.

You're lucky I still

suffer the insomnia.

Okay, come in, please.

This way.

And remove your shoes.

Where I am from, my father cuts

down Christmas tree himself

in Chernyayevsky Forest.

This is before they shot him

to death, of course.

This way.

You have family?

Yeah. I mean, I'll be going

back to them, yeah.

You should put it here

by window.

Dentists like to show off

all their acquisitions.

Olga, how many times

must we tell you?

We are not dentists.

I am periodontist,

she is oral surgeon.

Yeah.

No, fresh painted!

Fresh.

Oh, sorry.

Ugh.

Guess what color

dentists choose.

Guess.

Dentists.

I don't know.

Enamel.

Pshh.

No f***ing imagination.

No. Wait here.

Get this.

Ah, they're here.

Here we are.

Oy.

I got it.

You like this piano?

Uh-huh.

It plays beautiful music.

But I cannot say

the same for me.

You like Rachmaninoff?

Hmm?

This is not Rachmaninoff.

Arthritis.

Don't I look too young

for joint issues, huh?

Okay, we do this.

Here, please this way.

Okay.

In here.

Okay. Here.

Okay?

Yeah, just get it...

Down, down, down, down, down.

Is it in?

Yes.

It's there?

But it's not in center.

Up, up, up, up.

Like that?

Down, down.

Okay, now screw put in.

Yes, we can screw...

Ow.

Okay, good.

Oh. Oh.

You okay?

Here, sit.

Sit. Okay.

Okay.

If you're going to throw up,

do it in tree stand,

not on hardwood floor.

Okay?

Morning. Here.

Sorry.

It's okay.

Have this.

Okay.

Here, this is yours.

Thank you.

This.

Tip,

courtesy of dentists.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas.

What's that?

It's for the money.

What money?

From the sales.

I'm gonna keep the key

and you record the sales.

We should be Quebecois.

It might help.

I go to cut down this tree

behind the humble shack

that I call home

in the Motherland.

I see a butt of a bear.

He's in... what do you say?

...hibernation.

I don't want to wake this bear,

so I do what any resourceful

Quebecois lumberjack does...

I put the silencer on the axe.

I have a tree so pretty,

it look like your twin.

Together, you look like

the Mona Lisa

and the Mona Liser.

Oh, f*** me.

Hey, we moved, okay?

We moved.

Man #2:
Hey, hey.

- Get out of the way.

We don't want...

That's fine.

That's it?

What the f***?

She home?

Who?

Our naked neighbor.

This is about the time

she usually gets back.

I thought I saw her

on the street the other day

but with clothes on.

It's so hard...

Hey.

Hey, it's me.

Yeah? Aww.

I miss you too.

By the way,

I meant to tell you,

I found myself in a conversation

with a male nurse the other day

and we got on

the subject of footwear.

And he swears by this brand

called Fushies or...

no, Kushies with a K.

Kushies. Yeah. Yeah.

I think so.

He said expensive,

but it was totally worth it.

Yeah, he said he had his pair for,

like, three years or something

and that they were like new.

And you know what?

I looked at them and they

did look completely new.

Hey, what are you doing?

You know, there's this

naked woman who lives across...

I'm just taking this to Nick's.

He's gonna help us

with business.

Oh, you're not

giving away our trees.

Let me call you back.

Love you too.

We've sold one tree so far.

I've sold one tree so far.

Yeah.

One.

We're on a roll.

Oh?

Don't fight it.

This is a business.

You... what kind of trees

are these?

Christmas trees.

Right, but what kind?

Are they firs?

Are they pines?

What kind?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

We're... we're not selling trees.

We're selling a mood.

We're selling a feeling,

you know?

The tale of two Quebecois

with the joual and the tuque

and the tobacco-stained teeth...

...who snowshoed

their way here

and spread their winter

carnival vibration.

You're kind of sickening.

I tell you, the joint has crushed

whatever little left

you had in there.

I'm taking this to Nick's,

all right?

It's gonna help us

with business.

Don't worry,

I won't be gone for very long.

Ha! Yeah, gone.

Exactly. That's you.

I never would have had

to go to prison

if you had just shown up.

No. No.

Dennis, I gave you

plenty of warning.

I told you that I needed

to stay home and help Marie.

Yeah. It was a safe job

and you were the safe cracker.

That's where you needed to be.

Which is why you shouldn't

have gone in alone.

I told you.

I had to.

I have a family.

Oh, no.

Don't you feel sorry for me.

Too late.

I'm taking this to Nick's.

Yeah.

You touch my wife's hair?

What?

Do you touch my wife's hair?

Yeah, of course I do.

I don't want you touching it.

I don't want you smelling it.

I'm gonna touch it.

And I smell it.

And I kiss it.

And I'm gonna marry her.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

No.

As soon as Marie

gives me a divorce...

I am.

Calling collect.

- Name of your party?

Therese.

And your name?

All?

Rene.

Rene.

All?

Don't call me like that, cheri.

I could barely say

I loved you...

The weird thing is,

last night in my dream,

this very tree leaned over

and whispered in my ear,

"Sell me to the guy

with a coat and a hat."

Kismet.

Sh*t.

You know, she wishes that...

she hadn't done that...

told your kid that you're dead.

Oh, f*** yeah!

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