All of Me Page #5

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-Nothing. I'm not doing anything.

Go back to sleep, you're dreaming.

Why, Miss Hoskins! You whore!

You lascivious whore! Oh, no!

-Oh, yes.

You're a shameles little slut!

-Yes!

Shut up!

-Talk dirty.

You're nothing but a cheap sex tramp!

-Good. Good.

Now call me a poodle, Mr. Cobb.

Call me a cheap, slut, sex poodle!

Why you deserve a good spanking?

-Oh, Mr. Cobb!

You little bed bunny!

-Edwina, no!

Mr. Cobb, yes, you love rocket!

-Ah, stop talking like that!

Oh, spank me again, you bad boy!

-Oh, Edwina, stop it! Edwina!

She should be ashamed of herself!

-And you should, too!

Mr. Cobb?

For God's sake, Edwina, go away!

My body! What if you got pregnant?

You have no right!

No, you have no right!

And you have no class! You're rude,

crude and thoroughly unattractive!

God, it is Miss Cutwater!

I'm sorry you had such a lousy life.

But just because you never did this

doesn't mean we have to go without.

-I'm quite proud of my virginity!

It's something I've always treasured!

-Yeah! Nobody else ever wanted it!

Terry, wait!

Lady, if Prakha cocker

doesn't show up tomorrow

I'm gonna get a lobotomy or a high

colonic or something, but you're

getting the keys to the street!

-Oh, stop being such a martyr.

I'll pay you for your troubles.

-Maybe. Oh, Jesus, I just realize

why no one showed up at your memorial

service. You forgot to hire mourners.

You are insensitive horse's ass,

do you know that?

Oh, drop dead!

-Look, Cobb, I am talking to you!

For your information, there is a

perfectly good reason nobody showed up

at my memorial service.

-Yeah, what?

I don't have any friends.

I'm looking back at an entire lifetime

and I don't have one friend.

I've never had any friends.

I'v had only nanny's and tutors

and servants and nurses. Oh.

Once my parents hired a clown to

entertain me, but he didn't like me.

And when my parents weren't

in the room he'd just sit there.

He didn't lift a finger to amuse me.

Oh!

That's a terrible clown.

-Yes. Well, that's not all.

When Fred's daughter was a little girl

came to my house to visit her father

and the nurses would push my

oxygen tent over to the bedroom window

so I could watch her and

all her little friends ride my horses

and swim in my pool and run and play

and laugh and dance. Oh!

Then I swore. I'd give every cent

I ever had to be able to do all that.

To be free. To be like her.

Well, I've humiliated myself.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was

I'm sorry if I spoiled your birthday.

And I'm sorry if I made you being dead

an unpleasant experience.

Well, I am dead, aren't l?

Oh, please, make me not dead!

I can't, Edwina.

No sense wishing.

Oh, I feel much better.

-It's really late. Go back to sleep.

Well, aren't you coming to bed?

I can't. I gotta prepare for this

case tomorrow. You go to sleep.

Oh, ok.

Good night, Roger.

Good night, Edwina.

Roger? Roger? Roger!

Roger? Roger? Roger!

Wake aup! Wake up, Roger.

Funeral time!

Let's go, we've to to get up, Roger!

Come on! Up! Up, up, up! Let's go!

What...

Did you have a good night's sleep?

-Oh, yeah. I got the full seven...

and a half minutes. No problem. Oh!

Ommm! Ring! Ohh!

Oh, Roger!

All right, I'm awake. I'm awake.

-You have no idea what it's like

to be inside a healthy body!

-I tried to find out last night!

I cannot believe you'ar still upset

about that. Careful, careful.

Of course you can't. Can we hurry this

up, please? See, your problem is,

you don't understand how to live life.

It's to be experienced and savored.

I know that, you big dope. Why do you

think I've gone to so much trouble

and expense to buy myself

another chance?

Cause you're under mistaken assumption

that it's going to make a difference.

It will, too, make a difference.

-You'll still be the same sour puss.

You'll wind up as bitter and alone

as you always have been.

I think not. I'm gonna dance, Roger.

I'm gonna twirl and whirl and spin.

I'm gonna cha-cha in the rain game.

I'm gonna dip deeply.

Good, this one.

-It's too unattractive.

So's a deep scar. Just do as I say,

we don't have time to argue.

What's the big hurry anyway?

My funeral's not until 10.30.

Cause I have to be in court at 8.30.

How are we gonna make a 10.30 funeral

if you have to be in court?

-I'll figure it out at 10.29, ok?

You are so cranky when you

haven't had enough sleep.

Did you sign this check?

-Yes.

And this?

-Yes.

And this?

-Yes.

No further question.

-Counselor?

Roger? Roger! Roger!

God! You can't fall asleep on me now.

Counselor?

Just a second.

Roger, please wake up.

-Counselor, the Court is waiting!

Well.

Oh, Your Honor...

-Edwina, a man, act like a man.

Your Honor...

Your Honour, yes...

Proceed with the witness.

-What the hell's the matter with you?

I'm just a little nervous, that's all.

-It's just your career that's a stake,

that's all. So, don't be nervous.

-Ah, Mr. Schuyler, you didn't really

give those women a half million

dollars in gifts now, did you?

Yes, I did.

Well, I'll bet you had a darn good

reason to, now didn't you, sport?

Why are you acting like this?

-Say yes.

Yes.

He had a darn good reason.

Proceed.

-Proceed?

Proceed, Edwina. Like a man!

Proceed like a man!

Proceed, uh?

Wait a second. Every Christmas you

gave me... Miss Cutwater

darling little gifts, didn't you?

-Yeah.

So it is your practice! Indeed,

ladies and gentlemen of the world.

It is standard practice among many

business professionals to reward

valued clients with gifts, is it not?

Oh!

-Yeah. Yes, it is.

Objection. The money in question came

from the Schuyler's personal account,

not from the law firm and therefore

cannot be construed as business gifts.

Good point, Toots.

Oh! Women! Uh, can't live with 'em,

can't live without 'em.

Oh, Roger, please, wake up!

Mr. Cobb!

I'm sorry, Roger.

Roger! Roger!

Oh! Oh! What?

-Mr. Cobb, are you all right?

Yeah. No problem.

-How do you respond to the objection?

Objection?

Uh, could you read that back, please?

-The money in question came from the

Schuyler's personal account, not from

the law firm and therefore cannot be

construed as business gifts.

-Business gifts?

Sorry, I didn't have another idea.

-Edwina, you're brilliant!

Your Honor,

Mrs. Schuyler's sole source of support

was Mr. Schuyler whose sole source

of income was the law firm. So the

better the law firm's business was

the more money Mr. Schuyler could take

home to Mrs. Schuyler, therefore,

since business gifts are intended to

increase business, the more generous

Mr. Schuyler was with his gift giving

the better able he was to support

Mrs. Schuyler in the manner

to which she'd become accustomed to.

Give me a minute.

Edwina, I could kiss you. We'll win!

I'm gonna get my partnership and we're

gonna make that funeral! None of those

were clients, but don't tell anyone!

What?

-I'm going to overruel the objection.

Thank you, Your Honor.

-Just a second, this isn't fair.

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