All Out Dysfunktion!

Everybody get the f*** out!

F***.

Testing.

- One, two.

- Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather.

- Red leather, yellow leather.

hallway, gator's room, check.

Carrie.

Ooh, Carrie on the toilet seat.

And she did, she did, she did.

She looked like somebody...

hurry up and brush

your f***ing tongue,

'cause I have to f***ing go!

F***ing cracker!

White b*tch.

Yeah, I said it.

Get your f***ing ass out the

bathroom, i got sh*t to do.

I know what the f***

you do all the time in there,

- sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

- I see your nasty ass.

F***ing keeping

my f***ing customers

waiting and sh*t.

Yeah, yeah,

it's f***ing still on.

I'll be there in a f***ing hour.

Don't f*** me over, okay?

Carrie, I will break

the f***ing door down.

F***ing white cracker b*tch...

Ooh, this b*tch don't know.

You f***in' stupid...

Don't you know

i got sh*t to do, b*tch?

Yeah, you'd better chill

with that sh*t,

don't you f***ing throw that

at me.

Don't you know I will wipe

your honky ass up, b*tch?

Cum dumpster b*tch.

Crazy ass white b*tch,

all skinny,

throwing up and sh*t.

Who the f*** does that sh*t?

You ain't never gonna have

an ass like this, b*tch!

Never!

Who the hell are you?

Yeah, excuse you, too.

I don't like your face.

Okay, boys, where was I?

Mama's gonna take care

of all you nasty suckers.

And by the time

I'm done with y'all,

y'all gonna be some

dirty ass wet noodles.

You motherfuckers

want to see me play

with this right?

Well, since

you're all platinum members

of pleasure's paradise,

you motherfuckers

are gonna get

a look-and-see.

Oh, yes.

Oh!

Oh, yeah,

oh, I'm about to squirt.

I'm gonna give it to you

in the style of an orangutan.

Oh, yes!

Yes!

I'm gonna squirt!

Oh!

Oh, I'm gonna give you

the punch of a donkey!

Oh!

What the f*** is going on

around here?

Ay, "cariba"!

Buenos dias, mamacita!

Shut up!

Have you not seen all the people

f***ing parading

around the house?

Have you noticed that your nose

is having a heavy flow day?

Oh, you did, 'cause you jammed

a tampon up there, good for you!

Shut the f*** up, all right?

Your breath smells

like a f***ing slave ship.

Wow!

Oh, f***!

Look, you've lived here

long enough,

you know pretty

much anything goes.

Really?

What the f*** is that?

Ah, relax.

It's for my new indie film.

- Gonna be hot! Pa-pow!

- Who raised you?

- I mean, seriously.

- My mom, okay?

I had a very nice upbringing,

thank you.

Listen, you scratch my back,

I'll scratch yours.

Was that you vacuuming

at like, 5:
00 am?

You know what?

Eat me, gator.

Nobody scratches

anything for me around here,

so f*** off, okay?

Well, maybe

if you had better skin,

we'd be more willing

to scratch things for you.

Sh*t.

It's just a natural reaction

I've had

ever since I was little.

Every time mama comes real good,

I cry, that's all.

That's it

for pleasure's paradise today.

I'll see all you

dirty motherfuckers tomorrow.

Whoopsie.

Sh*t.

Grow some courage.

Always hiding behind your mask.

Tough horny guy "curry stick"

- with a long schlong.

How is my little son doing?

Have you been able to find a job

with that beautiful,

shiny American degree?

Why are you sweating?

The house is a little hot.

That is all,

that's why I'm sweating.

I'm still freelancing,

web coding

and trying to find steady work.

But I must

talk to you later, huh?

Why are you rushing me?

Please, papa.

I need more time.

It's really hot.

- More time?

- I need to clean.

Huh, you want to live

like a transient forever?

No, I will not let you

live like that.

You will live like a very

good Indian hard-working boy.

American culture is not like

Indian culture, papa.

That is why I'm saying

American culture

is very different

from Indian culture.

Indian culture

is very good culture.

Two more months,

no more, that is it.

Yes, papa.

And one more thing.

How is that American woman?

I understand American woman

very good with the mouth.

Huh?

No hands?

Your mother...

not very good with the mouth.

Bite sometime.

Eyes pop out, not good.

- Papa, please.

- What happen?

Your eyes pop out?

Don't be shy, ranjit,

i see the way you look at me.

You nasty.

Ranjit, what up?

Dude, I finally figured out

how to make my fingers Dutch.

You hungry?

Want some yum-yums?

Stupid huta.

That's disgusting.

Oh, god,

things are not settling well

from last night.

Where I come from,

people do not burp this way

in front of others.

You are a dirty pashu.

Wait, what's pashu?

Pashu, an animal, a beast,

a brute.

That is so sweet.

I should get that

tattooed on my heart.

Pashu.

- You are worthless.

- Mm-hmm.

Where's my coffee?

Sorry, dude,

i had a production meeting

this morning and I was tired.

Needed to drink it all.

What the f***, pashu?

This is expensive coffee, man.

- Wasn't that good. -I'm tired of

you taking advantage of my things.

Name four things.

I buy rice,

and you're burning the rice.

- One time. -I buy curry,

and you are burning the curry.

You're right, that one's on me.

- That one was my fault.

- My coffee's from India.

Look, your coffee,

I'll buy you some more

tomorrow, okay?

Good god, this guy is crazy.

- Who?

- That black guy, Tyrell.

Why he gotta be black, huh?

He's got a name.

I don't go around calling you

brown guy ranjit.

Because he's black.

I'm gonna call you

brown guy ranjit, then.

F*** you, pashu,

i mean, who labels everything?

By name, taste, spoilage dated,

perfectly matching containers?

Have you seen him open a door?

Guys, guys,

good morning, good morning,

- good morning.

- Good morning.

Hi! Can you please

do me a favor?

If you're going

to talk about me,

- just do it to my face.

- Fair enough.

And can you please,

please not touch my things?

Especially you, gator,

with your filthy hands.

Well, excuse me

and my filthy hands.

Calm down, Tyrell.

We're just playing around.

Yeah, man, just playing around,

it's not like

you're the only person

on the entire planet

who uses a handkerchief

to touch his weenie.

All right, let's just be honest.

Just because

my state of cleanliness

is on a higher level

of consciousness

than both you two neanderthals,

it's gonna protect me

from bacteria

eating me from the inside out.

Did you know

that warmth and moisture

are the key components

to bacterial growth?

Hmm? Have you ever heard of

salmonella?

E. Coli?

Listeria?

Bro, the bottom line

is that even a kitchen counter

has 50 times more bacteria on it

than a toilet seat.

Not mine.

My Booty's pretty clean.

- I sit down to pee.

- I know.

What?

You think that's weird?

Ask him how he poops.

How do you sh*t?

I use a squatty potty.

You know it really comes out

silky and smooth.

That's what you keep telling me.

But that's not the point.

If the earth opened up

and beelzebub hit you

with fire and brimstone,

you better believe

that I would be licking

a toilet seat

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes