All Out Dysfunktion! Page #2

way before I would lick

a kitchen cutting board.

- That's f***ed up, dude.

- No, no, no, no.

And I'm not done.

Did you also know...

look at this...

that a kitchen sponge

is one of the most

bacterially infested items

in the entire household?

A single bacterial cell

can multiply into

over 80 million cells

in 24 hours.

That is some serious

"f***-you-up" sh*t,

so while you guys

are running around,

scratching your balls

and rubbing your asses

and touching the kitchen sponge,

I will keep my sanitizer

and I will be safe.

And while you two little germies

are crying bloody mercy,

pissing out of every single

little baby orifice

in your body,

dehydrated as a f***in' arab,

I will be okay.

So, do me a favor

and keep your hands off my sh*t!

What the hell

are you pencil pricks

- hemming and hawing about?

- This is very sad.

You brown-nosing,

circle-jerking teabaggers

make some coffee yet?

My Stein is dry.

We would, but Mr. snuff film

drank it all.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

you touched my tupperware

and you're a snitch?

That's why your mama

has three teeth.

Huh? One in her mouth,

and two in her pocket.

- What's my mother got to do with any...

- cut it out!

I am tired of playing

momma dearest around here,

so you ball-slappers

best make nice

or I'll whip out

the metal hangers!

Ranjit, here's ten bucks.

Go get us all some coffee,

and none of that cheap sh*t,

I want something nice

that they enslave people

in south America for.

And keep your mitts

off people's sh*t!

- Why me? He...

cap it!

"Speed your way" easy chairs,

your hope for elderly scooters.

This is clarelle,

how can I help you?

It's a bit of a shitter,

but it's got potential.

It's kinda shitty.

F***in' shitty.

You're looking at the star

of fashion week

if you can pull this off.

- Yeah, pull that sh*t all off.

- High ceilings.

- But we don't have any color.

- Hello! -Calm down, price.

Why is it always me?

Come on, I'll show you

why we really came here.

There's four bedrooms

down the hall

that aren't even being used,

and wait till you guys see this.

- Okay, pull her arms back.

Yeah, that's good.

That's how we like it.

Mmm-hmm.

Now arch your back, baby.

Arch your back.

Now ride him.

Pull out slow.

Slower!

Slower!

And punch!

Cut!

God damn it, cut!

And what is this?

Amateur day?

And what is that?

Huh?

Your dick is flapping around

like cock snot.

Hello!

Anybody home?

Pleasure, do me a favor

and get into makeup

while I talk to silly putty

super schlong over here.

'Cause your face look like sh*t.

What you say, motherf***er?

Now listen here,

miss ghetto fab,

and listen good.

Now I don't wanna hear

any flim flam

coming out of your mouth,

'cause you're f***ing

with your money,

and more importantly,

you're f***ing with my money,

and I don't take

too kindly to that sh*t.

Now, you're the star

of this f***ing show,

and if it was up to me,

I'd bury your head

in a mound of pillows,

and unlucky for me

my bosses didn't hire me

to shoot "ass pounders 254,"

so, taking

your beat-up face

and burying it

in a mound of pillows

isn't exactly an option.

Take your bootylicious ass

to makeup,

don't pass, go, collect $200,

till I f***ing say so!

Makeup!

Fix her f***in' gorilla chin.

- I need a money shot! -I don't

like to see her treated this way.

Dude, she's a porn chick,

she takes platoons of penises

in her butt for a paycheck.

I don't care.

She's still a person.

Hey!

One f***ing voice!

Where you goin', punjab?

Know what?

F*** you, man.

Don't talk about my people.

I don't have to take this sh*t

anymore, okay?

That was hot.

Now that that's settled.

- I'd f*** him.

- Hey, assy.

My name is azeebo.

Oh, I know what they call you.

I write

your two dollar contracts.

Hey, hey, there are

a lot of people around.

You think I give a f***?

What's my name?

Mike mix under thunder.

What's my name,

down syndrome dick?

Mike mix under thunder.

Say it like you're getting

your ass hole licked.

Mike mix under thunder!

Yes! Now get used

to that six syllable name.

You know why I get

a six syllable name?

'Cause I'm f***ing successful.

So, remember that sound,

because I can make

or break your career

just like that,

and all you'll hear

is the sound

of Mike mix under thunder

f***ing you in the ass

unless you get that black rhino

to turn to steel.

You got me?

Yes.

Hey, fluffer!

Mouth, dick, go!

Okay, everybody, take five.

Come here, mufasa.

My name is azeebo!

Whatever, zebra.

Zebra?

This is racial profiling.

I'm not happy

with these working conditions...

oh, oh, oh.

That's good.

What do you think?

This is more like it.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

Okay.

Stage here.

Got to check the breaker

box for secondary power.

We've got serious capacity here.

Vip area down there.

Yes, baby.

Can do.

- Glitter.

- Bruce, what about security?

Just the usual, man.

It's going deep.

Okay, price, on the dial.

I want you to reach out

to all the social networks.

We got a new venue, guys.

- Get on that dial, b*tch.

- On it.

Hey, there, get up.

Let me take a look at you.

Do you perform?

- I...

- And what's with the mask?

Uh...

If... if you can smell sex,

then sex is airborne.

You can see it on the couch

and some on his skin

and I can maybe

smell it on your breath.

- Do you like to f***?

- I don't...

'cause I got

some pretty hot ass here.

Yeah, she's hot.

Yeah, no, i can see it now.

Look it.

"Ebony rising."

F***, yeah.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Pole vaultin' the moon.

You've got good throw.

I can make it

a interracial thing.

- But I don't pole vault.

- I didn't even make varsity.

- Crystal.

- I... no.

- Get your white ass over here.

- That's... yeah, that's...

- yes, Mike?

- Hi.

Suck his cock.

Hey, there, big winner.

Gator, gator, ah!

Okay, okay,

armadillo, armadillo.

- Camp, camp, camp.

- What are you, a "fage"?

No.

- Hey, David.

- It's slurp and burp.

God, you're so loud.

What are you doing? No!

Can I play with the big winner?

No, you can't play

with the big winner.

- I need some help, gator.

- Yep, solution right here.

I love blowj*bs.

I love 'em.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Let's go! Let's go!

I am ready, Mike.

- Just give it to me straight.

- I am strong like spear.

- It's too many germs.

- Let me get this right.

You are turning down

getting some

of the greatest head

of your life

from one of the hottest girls

- in my library...

- it's nice to meet you.

because you don't like germs?

Yeah, that's...

that pretty much sums it up.

Well, you better get used to it,

you pencil-poker

piece of p*ssy lint!

Welcome to L.A.!

Oh, yes, Mike.

I am ready.

First a.D.,

can I talk straight

to the talent?

Oh.

Grow some f***ing balls.

"Welcome to L.A."

Look, there's one more thing.

There's this old lady, clarelle,

who manages this place.

I don't think

she's gonna be cool

with us having a party here

last minute.

I'll deal with

the roommates, but...

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