All Out Dysfunktion! Page #3

Don't tell me you dragged me

all the way here

to ghetto valley to tell me

that it's not gonna work.

I'm giving you $2,000

and enough coke

to melt your face.

- Face, b*tch. -Let me

explain something to you.

I don't care about ravers.

I don't care about music.

And I don't give

a f*** about people.

What I care about

is my money and my time,

so don't f***

with my money or my time.

In about three hours,

I'm on a plane to Miami.

If you don't come through,

you're gonna face a shitstorm

of unimaginable.

So, now what are you gonna do

about this old lady, clarelle?

I don't know.

Can we knock her out

or something?

How old is she?

- Sixty or 70?

- F***.

We can't f*** her up.

We can knock her out, though.

Oh, every day at 6:00,

she goes out back

and she waters her flowers.

- F***, I'll just chloroform the b*tch.

- Okay, everything's a go.

Ooh, cocktails.

Ah, f*** it.

I'm just gonna inject

that b*tch with acid.

Have that b*tch seeing rainbows.

Jesus, I don't want to kill her.

Shut the f*** up, b*tch.

We're not gonna kill her.

We're just gonna put her

to sleep.

And, on that note,

we're gonna set up

and break down.

By the time she wakes up,

everything will be back to normal.

You get your gig in cash, b*tch.

Gig in motherfuckin' cash.

Will you shut the f*** up?

Seriously.

Come on, dig, b*tch.

All right, look, you guys.

We're gonna go out

the same way we came in.

She's the old lady

that's standing out front.

You can't miss her.

Bruce, give me a bump.

For the love of god.

Oh, yeah, you want

some of Mr. moist?

- Just give me some.

- Want my dick?

Shut up, just give it to me.

Say you want my dick, b*tch.

Say it.

- Say it.

- I want your coke.

Like that sh*t?

All right.

Okay, a deal's a deal,

all right?

And if anything goes wrong,

I'm gonna cut off

your f***ing balls

and I don't owe sh*t,

you broken record motherf***er.

Now get the f*** outta here.

And that goes for you,

too, scooter.

F***ing b*tch.

Isn't she saucy?

Ranjit?

Something I can do for you?

Hi.

Huh, I was just looking

for something.

You know, something.

Laundry room's

down the hall, bro.

Yes.

Yes, the laundry room

is down the hallway,

but I was admiring your, uh, uh,

unique film antiquities

and glorious memorabilia.

You know, you have

a lot of space here.

You know, you could probably

milk a cow.

It's nice.

Yeah, my old man's

a cinematographer.

I'm lactose intolerant.

But, you know what,

let's cut out this first date

chitchat bullshit.

What the f***

are you doing in here?

Okay, pashu.

I'm angry and I'm pissed

and I'm wanting

to hurt that director,

and I know you had some things

in your room

and I'm looking for something

to beat him with.

You know what happened

to the last person

that went rummaging around

through my stuff?

Let's just say...

I'm still on medication.

Do you know why

they call me gator, ranjit?

It's because I'm hard to tame.

Please, pashu, no, no.

Oh, man!

Got you!

Oh, you should see

your face right now.

I wish you could.

It is so stupid-looking.

You look like a hostage.

You look like

you're really mad at me.

And you look stupid.

Crazy f***ing pashu.

You're awesome, dude.

You're amazing.

You're like a f***ing

curry dahmer.

- Yes.

- -Quiet on the set!

You know what?

I'm sorry. Yep, you got it.

Shh, listen.

Don't worry about that guy.

- Okay?

You proved your point with him.

I never knew

you had so much heart.

Come in here.

Get over here.

Yes, booby traps everywhere.

There's no treading

in gator's house.

You are completely unhinged.

You... you are a sociopath.

No, I'm just kidding.

Don't hurt me, please.

Listen, there's a lot of girls

getting d*cks slapped

on their foreheads out there.

I want to see

what I can get on this guy.

Put it on the Internet later.

Try and make us some money.

Make yourself at home.

You break it, you buy it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Look at me. Look at me.

I am coming! I am coming!

This is why they call me

the black rhino!

- This is for Botswana!

Cut! God damn it, cut!

That's the f***ing money shot.

Holy dick roll.

What the f*** did you eat?

There he is.

Pleasure, I don't give

a hootenanny

what you do

in your own damn room,

but the living room

is community property.

- Hi, ma'am. -Don't you ma'am me.

- I run this house.

So, you better get

your fresh-out-of-film-school

wish-you-had-a-better-job

stuck-in-a-porn

peacock feathers

the hell out of my way.

It's all good. This is gonna

be a big movie for me.

Yesterday you said you were

doing a photo shoot,

not shooting a goddamn porn.

I'm writing you up.

I'm telling Harold.

- Now, where is he?

- He is the guy.

Now, you listen here,

you two-bit crackerjack.

I like nothing more

than some good,

old huffin' and puffin',

so I support your industry,

but what i will not support

is your two-inch penis

running around my house

insulting my tenants

with more arrogance

than a Kentucky drunk

with a Napoleon complex!

Peanut butter sassafras!

Ah, holy sh*t!

- What's with the plastic bag? -I

was worried he was gonna bleed.

Do you have a handkerchief?

Everybody out.

And get this a**hole out of here

before he wakes up.

- Clarelle... -i don't want to hear it.

- I'm writing you up.

All I do is try

to look out for you kids.

And you sure as hell

don't make it easy for me.

F***.

F*** this. I'm going

back into construction.

Oh, god.

That smells like donkey piss.

Any time, sh*t, otherwise,

i wouldn't be able to see you.

F*** you, cream pie.

Get the f*** out of my face.

You wanna fight, midnight?

'Kay, Jesus Christ.

I don't even need zoom

on you girls.

Hello.

I'm gator.

Yeah, like a gator.

All right.

He's hot. Grr.

Gators don't go grr.

They go rr.

Hey.

That was nice,

what you said about how people

treat me and stuff.

Thanks for sticking up for me.

You're like my phula.

The what?

In my culture,

phula means flower.

To me, you are like that.

Oh, come here.

Careful, careful,

careful, careful.

What up, Joe Frazier?

Dude, dope cross.

I didn't even see you coming.

- Thanks, gator.

- Yeah.

- You think it's broken, clarelle?

- Yeah, it's broken.

Will you put

that damn camera away?

No can do, sorry.

We'll wrap it

at the articular disc

and give you a splint.

You'll be fine, okay?

Gator, grab a bag

of frozen veggies

and wrap it in a towel.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll go outside,

make sure bozo leaves.

Hurry.

Carrie, you gotta see this.

Check this out.

- F***in' hard, man.

- I totally missed the punch,

but I totally got the fall.

Ready?

Three, two, boom.

I don't f***ing care.

You're so annoying.

"You're so annoying."

Move.

Tell your little cronies

that the flowers

are around back.

Thank you.

That's a down payment,

p*ssy cat.

Okay, ew.

Get the f*** off me and leave.

Let's go.

We'll see.

F***ers.

My room, now.

Look, I don't know

what you have planned,

and, frankly, i don't care.

Odds are, clarelle's

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