All Out Dysfunktion! Page #4

not siding with you,

and scooter is bad news.

Coming from me,

that's a pretty big deal.

If you want this thing

to go off,

you need my help

and I want half.

F*** you, gator.

All right, remember your

little weed growing operation

you had in here?

Payback, f***er.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Okay, well, go ahead and call

your little boy toy and tell him

that his party's off.

- Clarelle!

- All right, look.

I'll give you a third.

Half.

You know, you may think

your f***ing hot sh*t

around here 'cause

you're the little handyman

and clarelle's favorite

and everything,

but don't f***in' forget

that outside of this house,

you ain't f***in' sh*t,

you weird little f***.

Oh, pfft.

I am the coolest dude

in this house

- and you know that.

- Okay.

But do not piss me off,

little miss thing.

Because it'll be a bad payday.

And I know that the face

and all this is how you

make your money,

so I'd hate to f***

that up, too.

Are you threatening me?

Call it what you like, darling.

Half.

Sugar pie, honey bunch.

You know, f*** you, gator.

F*** you.

All right?

I have been in this f***ing town

for four f***ing years

doing some really

degrading sh*t,

taking some really

f***ed up jobs

just to get anywhere, all right?

Now, I finally feel

like I have a shot.

This deal could get me

on a hot runway

that I need to be on.

Get the exposure

that I finally need, you know?

I just...

i can't go back.

I can't go back

to the f***in' fields

and the trailer parks

and the beer drinking rednecks

who just f*** me for fun

so that they can

go and tell their friends.

I won't do it, all right?

I need this.

I can't handle this f***in' town

and the f***ing rejection

any longer.

I just need to feel like

I'm doing something,

like I'm worth something,

you know?

I can't f***ing fail now,

all right?

Ew, are you crying?

Yeah, f*** you, dude.

I'm having

a f***ing breakdown here.

I need your f***ing help, okay?

What about clarelle?

Scooter said he was

gonna take care of it.

It'll be fine.

And you believe that?

This is f***ed up.

I've, uh...

Been here, well,

about ten years now.

Don't let

too many people in here.

Mm, thanks for the invite.

Is that you onstage?

Oh, yeah.

Wow, you look amazing.

Oh, that was the good old days.

Ran in the circles

with the greats

from the glory days

of off Broadway.

Years I spent in New York

doing understudy work

and walk-ons from everything

from brecht to Chekhov.

- Chekhov?

- Mm-hmm.

I played trofimov

in my third year.

Oh, you were an idealist.

- I played Anya in '74.

- I was.

The critics loved me.

It was gonna be

my break to Broadway.

So, what happened?

What happens to so many starlets

and wild-hearted artists.

We fall in love.

I got pregnant.

Had a miscarriage.

After the miscarriage,

the only thing

that healed him was booze,

and when he found the bottle,

the thing that healed me

were ice packs and bandages.

I'm really sorry.

Oh, I was a wild one, too.

In this biz,

it's hard to step out

once you're already in.

Men have all the power,

right or wrong,

and women...

They're easily forgotten.

So, I got up and moved

to L.A. in '77.

Weren't you afraid?

Sure, I was.

But I was more afraid

of not making it,

of never winning that statue.

More afraid of failing myself.

What are you afraid of?

Struggle.

Whether or not I...

Think I could be good enough.

I guess I'm also afraid

of whether I can get over

my own issues...

And actually do it.

Yeah, I...

I am afraid.

The fact that you know that...

Puts you ahead of the game.

You know, I may never

have gotten my obie

or my Tony or my Oscar.

But I was in it

and I found glory.

And nobody can take that

away from me.

Well, that's enough

of that crap.

I've got to go and tend

to my flowers.

By the way...

Take this.

I have no use for it anymore.

- What is it?

- Sand.

From the backstage bags

of my first leading role

off-Broadway.

And don't go putting

that sterilizer all over it.

That's your first assignment.

Not...

not all,

but some grit is good.

Yes, ma'am.

Now get outta here.

Go on.

- I really can't... -I'm an old lady

and I can't take too many visitors.

Thanks...

Get.

for everything.

What happened, Paul?

Clarelle, there you are.

Jeez, you are about as hard to

get conference with as the pope.

Listen, got a lot of things

going on this month,

which, by the way,

I'm gonna be a little late

- on rent again. -Gator, I

don't want to hear it.

I've had your back

for the past three months,

and you know Harold's a Jew.

So, there's only

so far I can go.

And don't forget,

i only run this shack.

Clarelle, wait a minute.

I've been keeping up

on plumbing,

I've been keeping up on drywall.

I have a whole list

of things that I need

to get this place tip-top.

Gator, kiss my patootie.

The walls need fillin',

the toilets are busted.

Your only job here

is to fix this damn house,

and that pays your rent.

Nobody even uses

those toilets anyway.

They're all filled up with poo.

Well, maybe somebody'd

take a sh*t in there

if they were white and working.

I know I told your mother

I'd take care of you.

That's what godmothers are for.

Your mother's

like a sister to me.

I'd do anything for her and you.

But I can't keep

this umbilical cord

attached forever,

so tomorrow I need $800

out of you

or I'm serving you

eviction papers.

Clarelle, how can you expect...

do you think Janet and Gary

would be proud

of what their son's become?

It's time for you to man up.

It breaks my heart.

I love you like a son.

When you... when you

were a teenager...

I always thought you'd be great.

Well, there's still time

for that.

Now, not another word.

I've got to go

and tend to my flowers.

Who is it?

Hey, ren-ren.

Oh.

Hello.

Please come in.

Wow.

Your room smells...

Really good in here.

It's very tech-y

and stuff.

So, how can I help you, Carrie?

I have a favor to ask of you.

So, I'm throwing a party later.

Oh, I really like parties.

You know, my father in India,

he's a really good dancer.

He does this bhangra dance thing.

He's a...

yeah, okay, ranjit,

we all have a dad.

Jesus.

Anyway, what I need you to do

for the party,

don't tell anybody

and please

don't do anything stupid

when my friends are here.

And also don't tell clarelle.

Can you do that for me?

What do I get in return?

I thought maybe

we could work out a deal, hmm?

Oh, yes.

I'm really liking this.

- Oh, god.

- Yeah?

Creamy and American and white.

Mm.

Okay, so, we have a deal, then?

Maybe later

we'll have a little fun? Hmm?

What kind of fun,

my wild snow leopard?

Fun that you will never forget.

- Oh. Mm.

- Oh, my god.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You have to wait.

Till later.

Hmm, what's wrong, kitty cat?

Nothing.

We just, um...

I just want it

to be really special

for you, ran-ran,

okay, hmm?

So, I'm going to be wanting you

and your two girlfriends.

What?

Okay, if not, no party.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes