All Roads Lead to Rome

1

Summer.

Honey.

You may approach the bench.

We're nearly there.

Do you want the hummus

sandwich I made you?

I told you I'm not hungry.

It's vegan.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we expect to land

in about 15 minutes.

Thank you for flying

with Alitalia,

and we hope to see you

again in the near future

onboard our flights.

Arrivederci.

Summer, look.

Wait. They have geological

formations in Europe, too?

Look, honey, there's nothing

you can do for him

right now, ok?

So in the meantime,

you have 2 weeks

to just simply relax.

And I'm telling you,

you're gonna love this country,

the people, the food,

the gelato.

I should be by Tyler's side

fighting for his rights,

and you're trying to buy

me off with ice cream?

This is about injustice.

There's injustice here,

too, trust me.

Oh, I'm pleased.

No, seriously, this country

is, like, famously corrupt.

They have fascism,

social inequality.

People are eating

out of garbage cans.

I thought you said

the food was good.

It is. It... it's so good

that people are eating it

out of the garbage cans.

All I know is

that when I was your age,

I loved being here.

When you were my age,

you were a virgin

with a Prozac dependency.

That's not true.

Yeah, I've seen the photos

of the zits and the braces.

That was junior high school.

And actually, when I was here,

I had a boyfriend,

and he was very handsome.

I got it. I got it. Thank you.

Check the tag. The tag.

Check the tag.

That's mine.

Oh. Hey.

Oh, is this yours?

Yes. I'm sorry.

Looks... take it.

Ok. Looks like my old bag.

Excuse me. It looks

like my old one.

Sorry.

Come on, little duck.

Signorina, Scusi. Per Favore.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

Can I have your

passport, please?

Sure.

Purpose of visit?

I'm being kidnapped...

We're on vacation.

By my own mother.

She's making a joke.

Wait a second, please.

Jesus, summer.

Mm?

Take your glasses off.

Yeah?

Do you have any criminal record?

N-no, and she's not about to

get one right now, either.

You just lied

to an agent of the law.

It's a juvenile record.

It's in the process

of being expunged,

and it's really just an

administrative thing now.

You told an untruth.

Well, technically I did not.

Ah. See?

Ah, it's so relaxing in Italy.

People are so laid-back.

Ah, Buongiorno.

Buongiorno. Ciao.

Hello. I have a...

Una... una reservazione.

Just have to...

Find the number.

But I know it's under the name Mrs.

Falk.

Marg... well, Maggie.

Yes. Maggie.

I will need

the reservation number.

Yes, but I also have the, um...

That's the credit card

that I booked on.

I'm sorry.

No number, no booking.

Come on. What's a little...

What's a little number

between Amici, huh?

I'm sure you can scrounge up

a little convertible,

you know, um...

Una fiat Bella.

Tutto e Bellissima.

I'm sorry.

That is the least

Bellissima car ever.

That is antique Bellissima.

It's eighties.

You love the eighties.

The eighties revival

is totally over.

Well, can't you

like it ironically

or whatever it is you kids do?

The irony revival

is totally over, too.

You have to like things

sincerely now.

Mm.

I like it sincerely.

On the road, just the two of us,

sisters doing it for ourselves.

Ah, seriously.

"Thelma and Louise."

Thelma and Louise drove off a

cliff and killed themselves.

Oh! God!

Sorry.

Yep, super relaxed here.

Unlike dad's new pile

in the Hamptons,

where I should

totally be instead.

Last time you stayed with him,

he took you out drinking.

I try to see him taking me

as an act of trust.

Oh, god. Please don't tell me

what his less

trustworthy acts are.

Exactly. I won't. I'm not telling

you anything about anything,

which is why you don't know

anything about my life

and you keep trying

to protect me

from things I don't need

to be protected from.

Is your seat belt on?

Yes.

Tranquility.

Yep, pure tranquility

with Tyler unjustly rotting

in the penal system.

Ah, brother.

It's a harmless medicinal herb.

5 kilos of a harmless

medicinal herb.

Marijuana laws are

a tool for the state

to oppress the underclass.

Underclass? His

mother owns a gallery

on the upper east side.

You're so racist!

He's white!

No, he's not.

He's 1/8 native American.

There was a genocide.

Summer, honey, baby,

I just don't want you

dragged into this.

He wants you to pretend

that they were your drugs.

He never asked me to do that.

Well, that's not

the impression you gave.

The impression you gave

is that he wants you

to go back on your deposition,

to perjure yourself,

and to say that it

was you all along.

No! I was speaking

hypothetically.

If I took the rap, it'd just

be a juvenile sentence,

which doesn't count,

technically speaking.

Do you have any idea

how hard it was

to get your record

for theft overturned?

It wasn't theft.

It was liberation.

Those rabbits needed to be free.

Summer, summer, this is drug dealing.

It would be perjury,

and it would look awful on

your college application.

I hate you!

I know you do. I know you do.

Summer. Whoa, summer!

Get off!

Don't... that's not safe. Ow!

That's really dangerous!

Ow! My foot's stuck!

I don't care.

You're so controlling!

No wonder dad left you...

For his 23-year-old legal

secretary called Amber.

I'm sorry. What, honey?

Whatever.

Just give me my bag.

I need my phone.

Give me my bag!

Fine. I'll get it myself.

Where's my stupid phone?

Aah!

Oh, honey, look.

It's... wow.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Where the hell's my phone?

Oh, sorry, Ms. lady,

but we're almost there.

Sorry.

Wow. It's exactly the same.

20 years in the blink of an eye.

Ohh.

It's really something, isn't it?

Oh.

Where is it?

Where's what? Oh, you know what?

I have to remember

to write to uncle George

and thank him... My cell phone,

which I strongly

suspect you stole.

Well, that would be very

uncharacteristic of me.

I am someone people steal from.

Give it to me!

I don't have it.

Gosh.

Oh, calm dow...

Calm down. Please!

I don't have it.

Give it to me! I don't...

Buongiorno.

You rented the

cottage from George?

I live opposite, so...

Luca?

Maggie?

I thought...

I thought you moved to France.

I moved back.

I bought the old farm,

the villa.

The big villa?

This cannot be happening.

She must be your sister?

She wishes.

This is... This is summer.

She's my daughter.

Your daughter.

I can't believe this.

I know. Me neither. It's...

May I invite you for a

drink in... in my garden?

Oh, that's... That's very nice,

but we just got here,

and we haven't

even unpacked, and...

I understand.

But if you change your mind,

you are very welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

Ma.

Ma!

Yep?

Is he why we're here?

No.

No, no, god, no. I...

I had no idea.

I thought he moved away.

You knew he was back.

I haven't thought of him

in 20 years.

Yeah, right.

Sheez.

Yo.

Oh, my god. Tyler, you're out.

You made bail?

Didn't you, uh, get my text?

My... my mom's such a b*tch.

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