All Roads Lead to Rome Page #2

I think she stole my phone.

How crazy is that?

Babe, you have got

to get back here.

If you don't get back and

take the rap for this,

I am going down,

like down to a place

even lower down than,

like, Chinatown low.

I know, but it's complicated.

Complicated is

how I'm gonna feel...

Tyler. If I go down for this.

I'll try and get home, ok? I...

I love you, Tyler.

Stop it.

You do?

I'll find a way.

I promise.

Ok.

Maybe we should go

say hello, you know?

Might seem rude not to.

You settling in?

Mm-hmm.

It's nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, see? This must

be his pottery.

It's pretty colors.

Wow.

Hey. Hey.

You came after all.

Come. Let me

offer you something.

Oh, no. I mean, you don't

need to go to any trouble.

Ah, come on. I insist.

You are my guests. Come on.

Wow.

The villa. The villa, yes.

The villa.

So...

You married...

What was it? Jock?

Jack. Jack. Oh, Jack.

I'm happy everything worked out.

I mean, actually, we were...

We were divorced last year,

so I-it didn't...

I'm sorry to hear that.

No, no, no. It's ok.

Just... Please, sit down.

I'll bring some food

and something to drink.

Wine, that's ok?

Sure. Sure.

Amarone?

Oh.

Grazie. Prego.

"Actually, we were

divorced last year."

"Oh, I'm sorry

to hear that, baby."

What?

No.

Honey, no. No.

He's...

He's being polite.

By sexing you?

Ah.

I'm fairly certain he isn't,

and, um, sexing people

is a form of politeness here.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Ah.

This is my darling Valentina.

Maggie and summer.

I will wake mamma as well

so she can meet you.

You remember Carmen?

Non possibile.

Grazie, Antonio.

Grazie, Antonio.

It gets worse and worse.

And now she tries to run away.

Lucky she does not drive,

otherwise, I would have to lock

the garage as well.

Buongiorno, Carmen.

Her memory is not so good.

Excuse me one second.

Sei L'Americana.

S.

S, L'Americana.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Well, it's wonderful to see

how your art has developed.

Oh, no, these pieces are

just rustic for tourists.

In the village,

I have a small shop.

In Firenze, I have a gallery.

"Fine art ceramics."

For collectors with

more money than sense.

Would you like to see my studio?

Oh, we should probably

head back, right?

No, no. You go ahead.

I'll watch mamma for you.

All right, I'll just take

a very fast look around, ok?

Where's the garage?

Whatever, dude.

I'll find it myself.

Whoa. My studio.

Incredible.

Do you like it?

Yeah, it's...

It's fantastic.

Ah, yes, the trophy wall.

I draw inspiration from

all kinds of people.

But largely female

and attractive.

You are really living the dream.

Sure, I do.

And the journalism?

Journalism? Mm.

I teach journalism... Mm.

At city college.

You know, just between

now and, um,

my next Pulitzer.

Of course.

So you have the career,

a wonderful daughter...

I have a wonderful daughter

with radical anarchist leanings.

And I, um...

I have an ex-husband

who has lawyered himself

out of his alimony,

and, uh, whatever

meager free time I have

I spend perfecting

my online sudoku game.

Oh.

Awesome.

You help me, I help you.

Whatever, grandma.

Let's get out of here.

Those are pretty colors.

Ah.

This is great.

Maggie. Sweet.

I just wanted to say that,

after all these years,

I'm very happy to see you again.

Oh!

Oh, my god. It's ok. It's ok.

It's ok. Maggie.

Oh, god. I'm so, so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

My god.

Summer!

She took my mamma.

I don't under...

Where are they going?

I don't know. Call her.

I can't call her. She

doesn't have a phone.

A teenage girl with no phone?

I... i sort of confiscated it.

You stole her phone?

Let me drive.

No, no. I'm ok to drive.

Are you sure? Yes.

I hope mamma can take all this.

You know her heart

is not very strong.

I'm sorry. It's my fault.

What's wrong

with your daughter, anyway?

Like I said, it's complicated.

Her boyfriend is

in trouble for drugs,

and he wants her

to take the blame.

He wants to use her.

She's easily led.

Grazie.

They've left the village,

took off to the west.

All right, so she's heading

back to the airport,

so we'll just meet her there, right?

Can you hand me my bag?

Can you just get the passports?

Here? They're in my purse, yeah.

Just get the passports.

There is only one passport.

What? Yeah. I think it's yours.

Well, you just... Ok, but...

No. No.

My credit card's missing.

Ok, let me drive.

Her passport's gone, and

my credit card's missing.

No, I can drive!

Ok, let me drive.

You control the passports and...

I'll drop you at the next place.

Devo Andare a Roma.

I'm not going to Rome, dearie.

Trust me, I'm going

straight to NYC.

Aeroporto.

Roma. Aeroporto.

Roma.

Aeroporto, comrade.

Roma!

You psycho! You broke my face!

This is my face you broke!

Seat belt.

Hold on. That's airport, right,

"Aeroporto"? To the right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No?

But my mother, god bless,

she wants to go to Rome.

Well, my daughter, god bless

her, occupied wall street.

I tell you, they're

going to the airport.

You know, your daughter

will give in to my mamma,

and they will go to Rome.

Please.

Wow. Now you know my daughter

better than I know my daughter.

Insofar as it is

truly possible...

I just meant that as

a rhetorical question.

Rhetorical question,

it is Italian, so...

Listen to me. I am 100% positive

they are going to the airport.

You wanna go to the

airport or to Rome?

You must feel pretty freaking

good about yourself.

Yes.

I think we should

call the police.

No.

Why not?

Look, she's a good kid.

I just don't want her

to get in trouble again.

She had run-ins

with the police before?

No, no, no.

Well, yes, but...

I mean, it wasn't

anything, you know...

It wasn't serious.

She just liberated some rabbits,

you know, for ethical reasons.

Oh.

From an experimental laboratory?

Well, from a pet store,

but the conditions were dep...

Look, they'll stop soon, right?

I mean, they'll get hungry, and

you guys have siesta, right?

So they'll just...

This plan sucks.

Wow.

Look. There's a

snack bar up ahead.

I reckon we've

got some distance,

and I could really use a coffee.

First time in Italy?

Yep. Uh-huh.

You like it?

It's everything I dreamed of.

You staying for long time?

No, as a matter of fact.

I'd like to get out of here

as quickly as possible.

Do you think you can check

when the next flight

to New York leaves?

On your computer.

Please. It's important.

Ah, we've lost them.

No, no, no. Trust me.

Take that small road.

What, that one?

Yeah, that one. Why?

Because it's quicker.

Turn. Turn.

I am.

Yeah, we will have

the advantage.

Ok.

Voil.

Or whatever.

Arrivederci, grandma!

What the...

Roma.

Fine.

Rome first, and then

I'll fly from there.

Deal?

How far is it to Rome, anyway?

300 chilometri.

300 kilometers? It'll be

the middle of the night

before we get there if we

don't take the Autostrada.

No Autostrada. No hurry.

3:
00 tomorrow.

You're supposed to be

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