Almost Adults Page #8

---

I assume she's losing her mind.

From what?

You moving to New York.

Oh, please.

I didn't even tell her.

You f***ing kidding me?

She didn't tell me she was gay,

so I'm not gonna

tell her I'm moving.

Yeah, that's not the same thing

at all, you know that right?

Well, why don't you

tell her then?

Okay, I'm just really tired

of being the GBF

that just literally helps

you two with your problems.

I have a life too, you know?

Did you know I can speak

three languages?

You do not.

Okay, correction, I could

if I learned them.

Put that on your resume.

I mean, what are you guys

even arguing about?

You have three minutes

to tell me,

because I have a date tonight.

What? It's 11:
00.

Okay, grandma.

MacKenzie is just

so self-involved.

It's like she got a girlfriend

and completely forgot I existed.

This is coming from the girl

who had no idea

that her best friend was gay.

Okay, you know what?

She had a boyfriend.

And, sure, her fashion sense

isn't the greatest,

but she is color blind

and a lot of girls like hiking

and outdoorsy stuff

and have posters

of Michelle Rodriguez on...

Sh*t.

There we go.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Well, whatever.

I'm moving to New York,

and I'm not telling her.

That's that.

Okay, look, you're a big girl.

You can do whatever you want.

I'm just the really sexy gay man

who gives exceptional advice,

so you don't have to listen

to me or anything,

but you're going to regret this.

Just like you'll regret this

outfit you put on tonight.

MacKenzie bought me this shirt.

You two should be in each other's

lives until one of you dies.

And let's be real, it's most

likely going to be MacKenzie

from choking on some

sort of food.

She needs to learn to stop

talking while she's eating,

it's revolting.

What if she doesn't want me

in her life anymore?

I mean, she's gay now.

And I'm straight, so we just

don't have anything in common.

You're being so dramatic.

MacKenzie's always

been gay, babe.

So, guess what?

Nothing's changed.

Don't ruin this friendship over,

literally, like, nothing.

You do give really good advice.

I know. I think I should have

my own morning talk show.

Oh, my god, I would totally

not watch that.

I would never bring you on,

just so you know.

F*** this f***ing site.

Un-f***ing-believable.

What the f*** is this fuckery?

Oh, f***.

How did I not know

you were a lesbian?

Where the f*** are my keys?

Hey.

Hey.

Were you seriously going

to leave without telling me?

No, I was literally on my way,

right now, to tell you.

Oh my god,

we are scarily similar.

New York, huh?

What are we gonna do?

I guess we'll just have

to have phone sex everyday

until you can visit me

on weekends?

Look, I wanna give you

this big, apologetic speech

about what a shitty

friend I was...

You don't have to.

I think we both said

things that we regret and...

We've both kind of been

shitty friends lately.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I'm sorry, too.

In fact... I actually wrote

a song about it.

- What?

- Yeah.

I wrote this song when I heard

you were going away,

and I just thought, like,

"that's like the perfect way

to send her off."

So I'm just going to sing it

right now, okay?

- Oh.

- Okay.

Here we go,

I'm going to sing it.

What?

Oh, my god.

I'm obviously joking.

I can't even

go through with this.

- Okay, I was like "what the hell is

going on right now?" -Jesus Christ.

I was like, "I don't know how

I'm just going to pretend

to enjoy this shitty song

that she prepared for me."

Okay.

I actually do have something

for you, though.

Oh, my god.

Is this beach time Ken?

In the flesh.

Literally in the flesh.

I could not find

his clothes anywhere.

You're gonna need something

to remind you of me in New York.

And this naked, plastic man...

Wait.

This is for you.

Is this ball gown Barbie?

I'm going to f***ing miss you,

you loser.

I can't find it anywhere.

Where is it?

Hmm?

What are you looking for?

The t-shirt. The god damned

t-shirt, babe.

Um, what does it look like?

I'll help you look.

It's pink and it says

"kindest regards" on it.

I don't get it.

It's an inside joke

with Cassie, never mind.

You're hiding things

from me now?

- You know that Cassie and I are

ex-lovers, right? -Mm-hmm.

- You jealous?

- Yeah.

No, no, honey, we have to be

there in like 20 minutes.

Yeah, that's not gonna stop me.

Wait, wait, what time is it?

- What?

- What time is it?

I don't know, 2:
25.

Sh*t, we're late.

- Yeah.

- Okay, go faster.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote