Almost Friends Page #2

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He doesn't wanna go.

Says who?

Okay, the address is on my desk,

but it's not your type of thing.

I'll be the judge of that.

Great.

See ya.

- Tell me what to do.

Ooh, somebody's smoking.

Here, just keep going straight.

Can you hold it? Thanks!

What's wrong with you?

What? Nothing.

No, something's

definitely wrong.

I told you you shouldn't

have had that second burger.

- You're literally sweating. -Are you

gonna come watch me run tomorrow?

- Or are you at the coffee shop?

- I'll come.

What happened with that girl

from the coffee shop?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

The one you were

practically stalking.

Ben said he waited for like an hour for

you to finally say something to her

and you totally pussed out.

I really, really, really don't

wanna talk about this right now.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. I'm just...

Just trying to concentrate

on giving myself an aneurysm.

You're so weird.

- You okay?

- I'm fine, yeah.

- Excuse me. You are sexy.

- Thank you.

- What's your name?

- Thank you.

Oh, you're sexy.

No, you are sexy.

- Hey, what's up, Todd?

- Oh, same ol', same ol'.

Just another chapter in the book

I like to refer to as the endless

pursuit of sweet, sweet ass.

You live a menial

existence, my friend.

You have no idea.

No idea, buddy.

I'll be right back.

Ladies, the Todd is here,

have no fear.

I know we do duets, right?

- Hi!

- Hey!

Together at last.

- How you doing?

- How are you, Ben?

- Jazzin'. What's up?

- Well...

- Is that who I think it is?

- Yeah. Don't ask.

That guy's one of the fastest

runners on the college circuit.

Who?

What do you mean who?

That's Brad Parker.

Are you blind? Look who's coming

out right there behind him.

Oh, man. You need a drink.

Hi.

What was your name again?

- Uh, Charlie.

- Charlie.

I'm Amber.

I know. I know.

Well, I just wanted to say hello

after what happened back there.

Oh, you didn't have to.

You should've told me that

two minutes ago.

You would've saved me

the walk across the roof.

So is that your boyfriend?

Mm-hmm.

Isn't he some big fast runner

or something?

A big track star?

Yeah, but don't tell him that. He won't

be able to fit his head through the door.

How about you?

You with that girl?

Heather? No, just friends.

Our mothers met in Lamaze class.

It was one of those

eternal damnation type deals.

Yep. Shoot.

What?

Check this place out.

Yeah, Charlie, this is

my cousin, Jeff.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Holy sh*t. It's the popcorn man.

He works at the

movie theater on Doffin.

He gives me a hard time when I go

in to play the candy crane machine.

We have a policy at the theater about

people who refuse to buy tickets.

- Wait, the revival theater?

- Uh-huh.

- You work there?

- Yeah.

You should get a job there.

Don't tell me. He's the manager.

No, I'm only assistant manager

so not really. I can't...

I can't, uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, you should... okay, come in this

week and I'll see what I can do.

- Deal.

- Deal.

- That's a deal.

- It is. A deal.

- Deal.

- Deal.

Excuse me!

- No, no, no.

- Shh!

- Okay.

- You are sexy.

You are drunk.

I'm not.

Hey, Todd, come here.

- So, uh...

- Hey, Todd!

You didn't finish telling me

about that thing earlier.

- What thing?

- The surgical procedure

that was really important.

Come on.

- So... -Hey, can we head out please?

It's getting kind of late.

Hey, Brad, this is Charlie.

- Hey, what's going on, Charlie?

- Hi.

You're that guy.

What guy?

- Oh, gross. Who barfed?

- That dude!

This guy did it, right?

Everybody, it was him.

You wanna clean that up, man.

- Come on. Sorry!

- Clean that up!

Party foul, man.

- Can we go now? Can we go?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Here you go.

- I got ya.

- Yeah.

Put him in the back.

- Thank you.

- Uh-huh.

- I appreciate it.

- We're gonna go in the car now.

- Watch the head.

- Watch his...

- Thanks for your help.

- Yeah, no worries.

Make sure he gets some water.

- Don't throw up.

- Oh god.

Oh, how are your shoes?

Well, ironically enough, I asked

for the vomit-covered model

when I bought them,

but they were all sold out.

- Ah.

- Yeah.

Come on, honey.

I've really gotta go.

- I'll see you. Okay.

- I'll see you.

- You look so happy!

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Ah, it could've been worse.

- Not really.

You a**holes.

I thought you left me.

Almost! Almost got away clean.

Hey, Charlie, who was that

cute girl you were talking to?

- Hmm?

- Hmm?

What? What did I say?

Thanks.

Enjoy.

One cheeseburger.

- How's your mother?

- Fine.

And you? Still cooking?

Mmm. Here and there.

My little boy.

The four-star chef.

Are you depressed, Charles?

You don't seem like yourself.

What are you talking about? You

haven't even seen me in two years.

Two years isn't so long.

You're still working

in this sh*t hole.

You know what you need?

You need a career.

- You need a career.

- I have a career.

Private detective.

- You're a private detective?

- Private detective.

I really think

it's my true calling.

I haven't gotten

hired yet or anything

but the whole thing

just feels right.

I've been a fast learner.

So how long you in town for?

Huh? A couple days.

A week or two at the most.

You know, I'm staying at the

Bryson's motel off highway 65

and I was just wondering...

Maybe I could stay with you.

Think your mother would mind?

I'm a little short

on cash right now.

There's no way.

Charlie, I'm your dad.

Talk to her.

There's no way.

Just talk to her.

There's no way!

He said it was only

gonna be a few days.

That's what he said thirty years

ago and I ended up married to him!

He could stay in my room.

Charlie, no.

Mom. Please.

- Ah, look at that. You still got it.

- Yeah.

Let me see that.

Bring it on over here.

Ninety-five.

Last time Orlando

won the series.

Remember when

I got that for you?

I'm gonna go sleep

on the couch downstairs.

No, stay with me up here!

Too crowded.

If three's company,

how can two be a crowd?

Your mother mad?

Just try and stay out of her way.

She'll get over it.

Okay.

Wouldn't be the first time.

It smells like donkey here.

You didn't have to come.

Is that that girl again?

Oh, my god, you're sick. You're sick!

I'm gonna call the police!

Yeah, well, good.

At least in jail

I won't have to hear your voice ringing

in my head every three seconds.

Why don't you just go

and say hello?

I would feel creepy.

You are!

I'm not! I'm...

Jesus, what's your problem?

Just messing with you.

You should go and talk to her.

You're like the greatest

guy ever, Charles.

She has a boyfriend

who is a track star.

Oh, whatever.

Damn.

That is fast.

Ooh.

- You all right?

- Mmm.

Yeah, it's my stomach again.

Maybe you're pregnant.

I'm not pregnant!

How do you know?

Because I'm careful.

God, can you imagine?

Brad would kill himself.

There's a sign you're in

a healthy relationship.

Hey. What's up?

Nothing.

I just wanted to stop by

and say hello.

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