Along Came Polly Page #9

l'd have to be an idiot

to get back together with you after that.

Oh, and by the way,

I destroyed all your little throw pillows.

Yeah, because throw pillows suck, okay?

They serve no purpose.

They're purely decorative.

Dude, that was incredible.

You're the one who told me

I should get back together with her.

Reuben.

Whatever you do,

don't ever take my advice again.

Your dad totally

put it in perspective for me.

I was barely famous back then,

and l'm never gonna be famous again.

What about your

E! True Hollywood Story?

The E! Channel doesn't even know

we're making this show.

What do you mean?

I hired Dustin and Vic myself.

And I was gonna try and sell it

to the network when l'm done.

You mean you're doing

an E! True Hollywood Story

on yourself?

[Chuckles]

Sandy, that's so--

That's the stupidest thing

l've ever heard.

I know. l'm such a loser.

Look, I need you to do something

for me that's really, really important.

So you gotta promise me

just this one time

you won't screw it up.

Reuben, l'm your wingman.

Whatever it is,

I will not let you down.

Your Reuben's proxy?

What the hell does that mean?

Now, he's dealing with a personal situation,

so he asked me to fill in.

Now, you gotta relax.

l'm a professional actor,

and these dudes

will never know the difference.

I can't freaking believe this is happening.

Be quiet, 'cause l'm...

tryin' to prepare.

l'm gonna vomit.

I am so sorry

for the delay, folks,

but one of our senior analysts,

Reuben Feffer,

had his spleen burst

just a few moments ago, and--

That's not good.

ls he gonna be all right?

Well, God willing, Leland.

But anyway, be that as it may,

we have Mr. Feffer's associate here,

Mr. Sanford Lyle,

who's been briefed on the case

and will present Reuben's recommendations.

Thank you, Stanley.

[Clearing Throat Loudly]

[Clearing Throat Loudly]

I just need a little bit of water.

[Slurps, Groans]

[Clearing Throat Loudly]

As you know,

this is a highly complex case.

Um, let me see here.

[Clearing Throat Loudly]

Yeah, on the plus side,

Leland's blood pressure is pretty solid.

And he's, uh, at a decent weight,

and he looks

pretty damn healthy, right?

And he's a sexy guy, right?

And he is sexually active

in the community.

[Honking, Tires Screeching]

- Polly?

-J.F.K., please.

[Rodolfo Chittering]

Let's not bullcrap each other.

On paper, Van Lew is one of

the riskiest sons ofbitches alive.

But, people,

we cannot sum up a man's life

with a bunch of numbers

on a computer screen.

All right, we all need to

look into our hearts and go,

'Do I think this dude is gonna die

in a few years or not?'

ls old Leland here

gonna fight off a man...

with the last name 'Reaper,'

first name--

who goes by the last name 'Reaper,'

first name 'Grim'?

Or will this BASE-jumping,

crocodile-wrestling,

shark-diving,

volcano-luging,

bear-fighting,

snake-wrangling,

motocross-racing bastard die?

And the answer is no, friends,

which is why myself,

Reuben Feffer, Stan...

and all of us here

at lndurby and Friends...

are willing to lay our asses

on the line...

and proudly recommend

that Leland Van Lew...

receive fifty million dollars

in life and health...

and automobile insurance...

for a duration of no less than 20 years.

Hey, what do you think, guys?

Are you that kid from Crocodile Tears?

You're goddamn right I am.

I thought so.

lmpressive presentation.

He's insured.

Yeah! Bloody ripper!

Congratulations.

Love ya, son!

[Beeping]

[Polly]

Rodolfo, wait!

l'm so sorry!

[Beeping lntensifies]

Reuben, it's too late.

I have to be on a plane

in, like, 45 minutes.

I don't think

you really wanna leave here.

You have no idea what I want.

You left Rodolfo behind.

Does that mean anything to you?

Look, I made a mistake, all right?

I should've never put you in

the Riskmaster.

Truth is, no matter

what happened on our honeymoon,

you're much riskier

than Lisa could ever be.

Yes.

Right. That's why

it's not gonna work out between us.

Reuben, you are a nice, safe,

conventional guy.

Just--

lt's not gonna work out.

I don't think

that's who I really am.

lt is, Reuben.

That's okay.

What do I have to do

to prove it to you? Huh?

Hey!

Huh?

What are you--

Oh, my God.

Hey, look.

Look, l'm eating nuts.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Those nuts aren't even dirty.

Hey.

Oh!

Since we've been together,

l've felt more uncomfortable,

out of place, embarrassed...

and just physically sick

than I have in my entire life.

But I couldn't have

gone through all that--

I couldn't have thrown up

if I wasn't in love with you.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe this is just a fling.

But if you get on that plane

and you go to Cincinnati...

or Tanzania

or wherever you're going,

we'll never know if

it could've been something more.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

No. Oh, no.

N-No.

- Oh, Reuben.

- Please don't eat those.

No, really.

Oh, God.

I don't want you to go away, Polly.

l'm not gonna marry you, Reuben.

I don't wanna get married.

I just wanna take you to dinner...

sometime this week.

Can I pick the place?

Solid.

Excuse me. Hi. Hello.

I see you two are new to the island.

I want to come have a meet--

Oh, my stars and stripe.

Leuban!

Oh, my God.

I cannot believe it is you.

This is Polly.

Hi, Polly.

I am Claude.

Wow. Hi.

So how's it goin'?

ln truth, uh,

it has been a little bit

tough noogies for me.

Lisa, she-- she broke my heart.

- l'm sorry to hear that.

- Ah. That is life, huh?

Well, you have to be like the hippo.

Exactly. Like the hippo.

So, let me guess.

You are here on honeymoon again?

This is your beautiful bride?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

We're just, uh--

We're just hangin' out.

Oh, come on.

lt's a little more serious than that.

Well, yeah.

l'm just sayin' we're not married.

Right.

- No, definitely not married.

But it's possible.

- lt is possible.

We're takin'things step by step,

seein'how they work out.

Okay, I don't really understand

what you are talking about,

but, uh, any chance

you are for scuba today?

You know what?

Actually, we are for scuba.

- No way,Jose!

- Yes way,Jose!

But we're goin' out with that guy.

Hey, Leland!

We'll be out there in a minute!

Ah, you know what?

As long as you are for scuba, Leuban,

I am happy.

Oh. Sweet.

So, au revoir, my good friend.

Okay. Hey.

Thank you for everything, Claude.

lt's good to see you again.

Good-bye, Polly.

Good-bye.

Nice to meet you, Claude.

You as well.

So you ready?

Let's do it.

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