Altar Egos Page #2

- All right, preacher

man. (laughing)

Hmm, what do you think?

- It's nice, it's...

What is it?

Let every heart

Prepare him room

And heaven and heaven

And nature sing

(playful string music)

- The angel of the

Lord appeared to them,

and the glory of the

Lord shone around them.

But the angel said to

them, do not be afraid.

The angel of the Lord said

to them, do not be afraid.

- That's your cue.

- Ooh.

She had a little accident.

(laughing)

- Well, get a towel.

Somebody get me another angel.

- Hello!

(John humming)

- Well, Pastor, what

brings you here?

- These are the scripts to

the new Christmas pageant.

- I beg your pardon?

- Mary, we have to go

in a new direction.

(organ bench creaking)

- You have got to be joking.

This is rubbish.

- I disagree.

I actually think

it's quite good.

- Well I'm not doing this.

Neither is the choir.

- Okay, look Mary--

- No, no, no, you look, Mister.

You've gone too far this time.

Your father would

be so disappointed.

It would break his

heart if he could see

what you're doing to his church.

You want change?

You want change?

Oh, I'll bring you

change, Mister.

- Mary, please, let's

just talk about this.

Maybe later?

(church bell ringing)

(thunder booming)

(playful string music)

- Where's the choir?

- Let's open up

our hymnals to 723,

Shall We Gather At

The River, acapella.

One voice,

united.

Thank you for coming today.

- Yes, thank you so much.

- Hi.

- Good to see you.

- Thank you for--

- Have a good one, thank you.

- Thank you.

Sorry about the choir.

We'll get them back real soon.

- When are they coming back?

- I have no idea.

- Hi there, thank

you for coming.

Bye bye, thank you. (laughs)

- John.

- Hey, Chuck.

- We need to have a talk.

- Listen Chuck, this

whole mess with the choir,

I promise I can clear this up.

- Well you better do it quick.

Mary has called for an

emergency board meeting.

She's moving to

replace you as pastor.

- What?

- The board meets in two weeks.

- Two weeks.

- The church is rather

fond of the choir,

and so is the board.

- I like the choir too, Chuck.

- Good, you have two weeks

to get the choir back.

I wish you the best, but

I'm late for the cafeteria.

- Bless you, Chuck. (laughing)

Cafeteria.

I'm getting fired.

- Deceit.

Compromise.

Prejudice.

Cowardice, stupidity.

(sword clanking)

- Cyrano!

- You have taken everything.

But there is still

one treasure I keep:

my pride.

(applause)

(cheering)

(soft instrumental music)

- You have lost your mind.

- I have to straighten

this thing out.

- She's not gonna talk to you.

- I think you're wrong.

(doorbell ringing)

Mary.

Mary, Mary Margaret.

(knocking)

I know it's late,

but we have to talk.

- You have really hit

the bottom of the gutter.

Dragging your family

to my doorstep

to beg for your job?

- It's not like that.

- Well I don't need

you, John Bridges,

and I don't need

your family, either.

- You don't mean that, Mary.

- Go away.

- Oh come on, Mary

Margaret, please--

- [Mary] Go away!

(light clicking)

(soft instrumental music)

(beat bopping)

- Um, could you stop that?

Kinda tryin' to think here.

- Honey, just let Mary Margaret

do the pageant her way.

You don't have to use my ideas.

- Well, it's not just about

the pageant though, sweetheart.

I mean, I really wanna take

this church in a new direction.

It's 35 miles an hour here.

- Dad, come on, I've got this.

- Well then, you

know you're gonna

have to convince her of that.

- How?

She's not talking to me.

She's not even listening.

- Why won't she listen?

- Slow down.

- Why won't she

lis, slowing down.

- Look, Mary Margaret

doesn't talk to anyone

that's outside of

her generation.

Maybe if I was like 80 years

old, she would listen to me.

(playful string music)

- What?

- I need you to

make me look old.

- You don't need my

help for that. (laughs)

- I need you to make me

look really old, okay?

Like way, way older.

I'm gonna bring this choir

back, like the Pie Piper,

a really old Pie Piper.

- Pie Piper!

- Yeah, Pie Piper.

(beat bopping)

- You have lost your mind.

You could never pull that off

Never, never pull that off

- Well, maybe not by myself.

But you're gonna help me.

(beat bopping)

- Word!

What about, like, George?

Ah, too presidential.

Wait, wait, I got it.

Milo!

Milo McGilicuddy.

- (laughs) Fine, whatever, but,

there's more to character acting

than just masks and makeup.

- [John] Well just tell me

everything I need to know.

- I can't teach you.

- Then show me.

Do you have a mask?

- Yeah.

- (laughs) Put it on.

We're gonna have ourselves

a dress rehearsal.

- You're kidding, right?

- Uh-uh.

Let's be young again

Let's go back to

where the fun began

Lazy days and crazy nights

So much fun, it

was out of sight

Let's be young again

And throw all

caution to the wind

Living life so carefree

I've got you, you got me

Let's be young again

- [Photobooth Automated

Voice] Please insert money.

Please insert money, then begin.

(camera clicking)

- Transforming

into your character

is something that

happens from the inside,

all right, it has to

happen from the inside.

- What does that mean, I

have to walk a certain way?

- Well, not just

that, you have to--

- [Dirk] It was a

joke, Holly, come on.

- I don't care, just

stay away from me.

- Hey.

- Let go of me.

Dirk, that was too far.

- Hey, there's your girlfriend.

- She's not my girlfriend!

- Look at me, I'm Miss Perfect.

Oh ho, too far?

You know, you better

watch your mouth, Holly.

(gasping)

Hey.

- Let me go.

- I think she's in trouble.

- Stay out of this.

- [Dirk] I'm so sorry.

- [Holly] Dirk, you really

are a piece of work.

- Watch your mouth, Holly.

- Watch my--

- Are you all right, young lady?

- She's fine, Gandalf,

mind your business.

- I do believe she

wishes you to go.

- Well I do believe

you're sticking your face

where it doesn't belong.

- Dirk, just leave.

- Yeah Dirk, just leave.

- Hey, you stay out of this,

you gray-haired fart.

- Gray hair.

- Gray hair.

- Gray hair.

- Yes, gray hair.

- Are you blind?

- My hair is

silver, pure silver.

Hair like mine is

both mantle and crown,

a, a monument to my superiority.

Silver hair is the

banner of a great man,

a generous heart,

a towering spirit,

an expansive soul such

as I unmistakably am,

and such as you dare

not dream to be.

With your head lacking in

wisdom, lacking in sense,

in wit, in cunning,

in imagination,

lacking in intellect, just

like that other round mass

at the opposite end

of your crimson spine.

(crowd gasping)

- That's it!

Oh!

(grunting)

(thudding)

- Go home, lad, before

you embarrass yourself.

- Move it!

(applause)

- Are you okay?

- I'm okay.

You didn't have to do that.

- Yes, I did.

- Thank you.

Are you okay?

- Frank, Franky,

you old goat, you.

You know better than to

mess around boys like that.

(laughing) Isn't he something?

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