Altar Egos Page #3

- Amazing.

Cyrano, right?

- Yes.

- We're doing Cyrano at school.

I play Roxanne.

- Holly!

Holly, are you okay?

Holly, did he hurt you?

- I'm really fine.

- I have never seen

anything like that.

You gave me goose

pimples! (giggles)

I'm Barbara Coolidge,

like the president.

You were incredible.

- Oh, uh, thank you.

I'm Frank Carmen,

and this is Milo.

- Nice to meet you, Pablo.

- Milo.

- Oh, whatever.

You have to come to my

Christmas party tomorrow!

- Yeah--

- I'm having just a few

friends over from church

and my friend Mary

Margaret's coming.

You would like her, maybe.

Can you come?

- I'm sorry, I, I'm busy.

- Ow.

- We'd love to come!

- Oh, good!

Oh, are you gonna, do, are

you gonna bring your wife?

- No, I, I don't have a wife.

- Oh, thank you Lord!

- Come on, Mom, it's time to go.

- Well, okay.

113 Sage Brush.

I'll see ya tomorrow!

- [Holly] Bye Mr. Frank, Milo.

- I hope he likes cats!

- Bingo! (laughing)

We're in!

- We?

No, no, no, no, no, no,

there is no we, I'm done.

- Um, no, you're totally in

because I can't do

this without you.

- I've created a monster.

- Time to go home and

shine those shoes, old man.

We've got a party

to go to. (laughing)

(playful string music)

- Hey.

- Holly, hey.

- You would not believe what

happened to me at the mall.

- You got your picture

taken with Santa?

- No, no.

Some old guy went

all Cyrano on Dirk,

totally humiliated him in

the middle of the foot court.

- What?

Some guy looked like Cyrano?

- No, no, no, no, I mean,

this guy was Cyrano.

He's coming over for a

Christmas party tonight.

You should come.

- You want me to come over?

- Yeah, when he did

Cyrano, I thought of you.

- Holly, that'd be great

but I, I got homework.

- Oh, okay.

- I mean, I totally have

a micro geography paper

assignment thingy I gotta do.

- Sounds important.

- Very.

- Well, maybe next time.

- Yeah, next time.

(school bell ringing)

- I gotta go.

- Bye.

See ya tonight.

(playful string music)

(doorbell ringing)

This is insane.

- Relax, it's a party.

Try to enjoy yourself.

- Oh!

He's here, everybody, he's here!

(giggling) Oh!

(wreath jangling)

Here he is everybody, the

man I was telling you about.

Say something clever, Frank.

- Hi.

- Isn't he wonderful?

- Hello.

- Oh, and this is

his friend, Waldo.

- Milo.

- Whatever.

Oh, come here.

(playful string music)

Here's the starters, Frank.

I picked them out myself.

Here's a plate.

- Thank you, Ms. Coolidge.

- Oh,

call me Babs.

(doorbell ringing)

(clock chiming)

- [Mary] Hello everyone,

Merry Christmas.

Hello, Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

- Hello Chuck, merry

Christmas, good to see you.

Good to see you.

Oh, everything just...

Do I know you?

- I don't, (coughing)

Milo McGilicuddy.

Nice to meet ya.

- It's just so unusual

to see a new face

at one of Barbara's parties.

- Frank and I met Barbara

back at the mall. (laughs)

- Oh yes, she, she did tell

me about her new friend.

- Frank, Frank, come back!

Oh!

(thudding)

(cat meowing)

(Barbara shrieking)

- Oh, what a mess.

Oh, Barbara.

- Oh no!

- Sorry, sorry.

I'll just...

- Oh, look how strong you are.

- It's my fault, sorry.

- No, it's nobody's

fault. (laughing)

Oh, dinner's ready,

it's time to eat.

Holly, honey!

Time to eat!

- Wow, hi, merry Christmas.

It's so good to see you guys.

(whimsical instrumental music)

Mr. Frank!

You made it!

- Great googly moogly.

- (laughs) Are you

sure you're okay?

Oh, it's time to eat.

- So, who's the lucky guy that

gets to play Cyrano with you?

- Jack Bridges plays

Cyrano, he's really good.

I would love for

you to meet him.

- Is he, is he a nice guy?

- Yeah, he's sweet.

- Oh.

Sweet like a good friend,

or sweet like maybe

something more than a friend?

- Leave my baby alone.

So Frank, tell us

about yourself.

- Well, let's see, I'm

a poet, a playwright,

a scientist, a bit

of a musician too.

Oh, and a sword master.

- Isn't that wonderful?

- You really are

Cyrano. (laughing)

- Yeah, I have modeled

my life after his.

(laughing)

- What about you,

Mr. McGilicuddy?

- Um, (laughs)

- After serving in

the Navy, Milo here

moved to Japan.

- Really?

- And became a

master Hibachi chef.

- Wow. (laughing)

- Really?

- Why, he studied under

Benny Ho for nearly 20 years.

- Benny Ho?

I saw Benny Ho on television.

- I know.

- (laughing) Okay,

enough about me.

Now, do you all go to church?

- Yes, Grace United.

- Well I hear you all

have a great pastor.

- (laughing) Oh,

who told you that?

- I can't remember.

- Well, actually, we did

have a fine pastor once.

We served together for 30 years.

He preached, and

I led the music.

- Pastor Bridges' wife, Ruth,

passed in '98 from cancer,

and then Mary Margaret

and Pastor Johnathan

married a year later.

- Sounds scandalous.

- Nothing could be

further from the truth.

- (laughs) Seems a little

soon to marry a guy

right after he just buried

his wife, don't you think?

- Well, his son thought so.

- Chuck, tell us

how you're doing.

- My cataracts are acting up.

- Aww, well, we walk by faith

and not by sight. (giggles)

Judith, pass Chuck the carrots.

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy new year

Drive safe!

Thank you for coming!

(Barbara humming)

- I can't believe we spent

the entire night there,

and you didn't say one

thing about the choir.

- Look, they're not gonna

listen to us yet, okay?

You know?

We've gotta be closer to them.

- (laughs) I can't

grow closer to Barbara

without a wedding license.

- Shh!

Relax, all right?

I need more time, that's all.

Trust me.

- [Jack] Okay.

(Instrumental rock

version of "Jingle Bells")

- And swim, and swim.

There you go, everyone!

I'm so proud of you.

Keep moving, keep going,

keep moving those arms.

Faster.

And swim, and swim.

Spread out everyone, make

sure you've got room.

(laughing)

(bell crashing)

(John laughs)

- Whoo!

- [All] Out.

In.

Out.

- I-17.

(John blowing through lips)

I-21.

- Ooh!

Bingo.

- So it appears that all

of Abraham's descendents

aren't just the Jews,

but actually those

that will come to Christ.

- Good point.

Would you like to

elaborate further on that?

- No, you're teaching.

I don't get it.

She's being so

pleasant right now.

What sets her off?

- My mother always said,

hurt people hurt people.

(soft instrumental music)

- This isn't gonna be

a typical interview.

We move fast here

at First Church.

- Oh, (laughs)

sounds good to me.

- You're gonna love

it here, Pastor.

The staff, the

people, the tools.

We got HD projectors,

HD cameras,

state of the art audio system.

You name it, we've got it,

and you can have

your own TV ministry

up and running with

the flip of a switch.

- Well, actually I don't

have a TV ministry.

- Not yet, you don't,

but you will here.

We've got everything you

need to reach our community

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