Altar Egos Page #6

- Benny Ho?

It would be a great honor.

(cymbal chiming)

- I cou--

- Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo!

- [All] Milo, Milo,

Milo, Milo, Milo,

Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo.

- Well, if you don't think

you're up for the challenge,

then I totally understand.

(tense drumming)

- Give me the knives.

- Oh ho ho ho!

Do you know how to

do the fryer thing?

- Oh, it's on.

Give me the hat, too.

- I asked you not to

touch me, very nicely.

- If you were a phaser,

you'd be set on stunning.

Okay, I need you.

- Hey, I think

you're in my seat.

- I didn't see your name on it.

- Sorry, Uncle Frank

ran into some trouble.

- Oh, what's wrong?

Did Uncle Frank fall

and hit his face?

- What's wrong with Uncle Frank?

- No, it's okay, he's fine.

- Do you wanna go for

a walk or something?

- That sounds lovely.

Doesn't that sound nice?

We would love to go for a walk.

- Hey, just get lost.

- Make me.

You don't have it in

you, preacher boy.

- I have a lot in me, Dirk.

- Maybe I'll just have to

beat it out of you then.

- Get on with it, so Holly and I

can finish our dinner together.

- Dirk, don't you dare.

(whacking)

(cymbal chiming)

- If you want fight

at Big Panda Pagoda,

you fight Big Panda.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow!

- He's Big Panda, in

case you were wondering.

(Dirk wincing)

- Fight?

- Ow!

- You want fight?

- We gotta go, we gotta go.

- Oh, Big Panda

show you the exit.

- Thank you, Big Panda.

- Thank you for tickets.

- Yeah, Big Panda's

a fan of theater, so,

he's gonna be at

our show next week.

(laughing)

(playful instrumental music)

(tools clanking)

(laughing)

(whacking)

(Barbara gasping)

- Oh ho ho! (laughing)

(applause)

Do it again!

(flame hissing)

- So we finally get

some time together.

- Yeah.

This first date has been crazy.

I gotta be honest with ya,

there's been some times

when we were together

and I was pretending

to be somebody else.

- You don't, you don't have

to do that with me, Jack.

You can be yourself.

- No, I was actually

trying to be somebody else.

- What do you mean?

- Honestly, I really...

(shrieking)

- You really, what?

- [Barbara] Wow, wow!

(applause)

- Will you excuse me?

- Jack.

(blowing)

(laughing)

(applause)

- [Barbara] Milo, Milo, Milo!

(speaking in foreign language)

(screaming)

- How about this one?

- Please, stop!

Just, cook the food.

- I, I, I'm so sorry.

(cheering)

(applause)

- Excuse me.

Where's Jack?

- Holly, sit down,

Milo's amazing.

You've gotta see this.

Sit down! (laughs)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you

the flaming meteor.

Drum roll please.

(energetic drumming)

(applause)

(flame whooshing)

- That's too much fire.

- Oh no, Milo!

(all speaking simultaneously)

- [Barbara] Does anybody

have a fire extinguisher?

Somebody call 911!

(thudding)

(screaming)

(extinguisher hissing)

Oh!

(Barbara shrieking)

- Jack?

- Jack!

- You were, you

were dating my mom?

- No, it's not like that,

it was never like that.

- How could you?

- What do you mean,

how could you?

- Why am I not surprised?

- Hey, listen, I

was just going--

- Spying on your

own church members,

and with your son.

Well now that you

know what's going on,

it doesn't really

matter, does it?

- Come on, Norm.

- Could someone take me home?

- I knew something like

this was gonna happen.

- It was your idea to make Milo

into a Hibachi chef, remember?

Hey, I did everything

you told me to do, okay.

I didn't act like

Milo, I became Milo,

I was Milo, I was transformed.

- Was it my idea to

disguise ourselves?

Was it my idea to go

hang out with people

50 years older than I am?

Was it my idea to go chase

off this other pastor?

- Listen, I was

protecting the church.

- Protecting the church,

or your reputation?

- Maybe both.

Listen, all I've

ever wanted to do

was to help this

church change and grow.

- Maybe it's not the church

that needs to change.

(John laughing)

- Wow.

- I'm sorry, I shouldn't--

- No.

(soft instrumental music)

You're right.

You're right.

I'm sorry, Jack.

- Let's just go home.

I'm hungry.

(sentimental string music)

- My oldest memories

of faith and family

are anchored in this church.

As a boy, I used to sit

in that spot right there,

every Sunday morning

next to my mom.

And you know, from that pew,

I saw God do some amazing

things in this church.

I wanted to keep

that tradition alive.

I wanted to honor

our rich heritage.

But something went wrong.

It was pride,

and self-centeredness.

God tells us to love him,

and then to love each other.

I failed to do that.

Mary Margaret,

you made Dad so happy

at a time when that was

very difficult to do.

He loved you with all his heart,

and I'm truly sorry.

As your pastor,

as your stepson,

I should have been more

loving and understanding.

No, please,

forgive me.

(door banging)

Thank you for letting me be

your pastor all these years.

God's will be done.

(doorbell ringing)

(knocking)

Mary Margaret?

I know you're in there.

Please, Mary?

(knocking)

Please let us in.

Oh, Abby needs to pee.

- Down the hall

and to your left.

(footsteps padding)

Your father was

everything to me.

- Mary Margaret, you are loved.

And, you're family.

- There's a card on top.

Dad told us to make

it on the way over.

- Abby.

- Well he did.

(sentimental instrumental music)

Dad said we should

call you Grammy.

(Mary Margaret crying)

- There's that great picture

of you and Dad in it.

- It's perfect.

Thank you.

- Thank you, for letting us in.

(doorbell ringing)

- Jack.

What are you doing here?

- Sorry, but I haven't

seen you in a while

and we need to talk.

- I've been busy.

- Micro geography?

- Yeah, micro geography.

- Listen, I just wanted

to say, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt

anybody, especially not you.

- How do I know

it's the real you?

- It's me, look.

- Okay, I get it. (laughs)

- So, how's your mom?

If she ever wants to

play bingo or go dancing,

I can hook her up.

- I don't think that

will be necessary.

Actually, I think she's

already moved on, so.

- I hope you haven't.

Merry Christmas.

Come on, just take it.

(soft instrumental music)

- You are insane. (laughing)

- It comes with free

Hibachi lessons from Dad.

- I'll bring my fire

extinguisher. (laughs)

Thanks.

- Do you think we

can try this again?

No masks this time?

'Cause if not, I can take the

panda back, it's no big deal.

- (laughing) No, I

think I'll keep it.

(gentle instrumental music)

- [Mary Margaret] I was

wrong, John Bridges.

I do need you and your family,

and so does this church.

This study Bible

belonged to your father.

I want you to have it.

Lead us well.

All my love, Mary.

- [John] Love is

patient, love is kind.

It is not proud, nor

does it dishonor others.

It doesn't keep

record of wrongs.

Love protects, trusts,

hopes, perseveres,

and it never, ever fails.

If we loved more, what would

happen inside the church?

What would happen

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