Altar Egos Page #5

We have business to attend to.

- This will only take a second.

- We don't have a second.

I believe I've just

asked you to sit down.

Yesterday, I received a call

from an acquaintance of mine

at First Church.

Pastor Bridges has

just been selected

to be there new pastor.

- What?

- It's not what you think.

- He's been interviewing

with other churches?

- Well, First Church

hasn't voted on it yet,

but that's just a formality.

- (laughing) Maybe we don't

have all the facts right.

I mean, maybe he's

turned them down.

- He wouldn't interview if

he didn't want to leave.

- Maybe he's just stupid.

- Maybe his wife

put him up to it.

- We need a true leader.

- One that values our

church history too.

- It's time for us to act.

Now I've done some research,

and here is the man I think

should be our next pastor.

Pass these around.

He's wonderful, his

background impeccable,

solid schooling, 30

plus years experience.

His name is Norm Steedy.

- He reminds me of

Pastor Johnathan.

- Yeah, doesn't he.

- I don't see the resemblance.

- He retired two years ago

to care for his ailing wife

who has since passed

away, and now he wishes

to return to the ministry.

- Do we have the votes?

- Oh, we have the votes.

If anyone does not

like our decision,

well, they can just go

form their own church.

- Um, Mary Margaret?

When do we get to meet the guy?

- I'm going to set

up a dinner meeting

where we can all spend

some time with Mr. Steedy

to be certain that he is the man

that we indeed want to take

over for Pastor Bridges.

- I need more time to fix this.

- Forget it.

I mean, after all

we've worked for,

you go and interview

at First Church?

(John mumbling)

- I will then take our

recommendation before the board.

- If this Norm Steedy guy

does what they want him to do,

the church is gonna die.

- Not my problem.

- Oh, wake up and smell

the heat bomb, son,

of course it's your problem.

- [Mary Margaret] Are

there any other questions?

- (throat clearing) How

long has he been a widower?

- Are there any other questions?

- Is this a recent picture?

- Good, then I will see

you all Saturday night.

(school bell ringing)

- Guess what you're

doing Saturday?

- What am I doing Saturday?

- You are coming

to dinner with me.

- I am.

I am?

- Mom and I have been

invited to a dinner party

and she said I could

bring a friend.

- I can't.

- Really?

More homework?

- Well, kind of.

- I don't get it.

Is there someone else?

- No.

- If you don't wanna

go out, just say so.

- No, it's not that.

- Then what is it, Jack?

- I...

- I'll see you later.

(playful string music)

- Holly, you mean this Saturday?

- Yes, this Saturday.

- Oh, I thought you

meant next Saturday.

Yeah, I'd love to go

with you this Saturday.

- So you can go?

- I can go.

- I can't wait.

- Yeah, me too.

- Well, I gotta go.

- All right.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Ow.

- Did Holly Coolidge

just ask you out?

- Yeah.

- Dude, awesome!

- I can't go.

- Can't go?

Well, what are you

gonna do, stand her up?

This is Holly Coolidge.

What's wrong with you, man?

- It's complicated.

- Then uncomplicate it.

- Nick,

I'm gonna need your help.

(whimsical instrumental music)

It's perfect, if I

do say so myself.

- Epic!

Wow dude, I am old!

I'm really old.

I feel old too.

Who am I, again?

- (laughing) This

is never gonna work!

- What, you said you needed

Frank, you got Frank.

You're Frank, Frank Harmon.

- [Nick] Okay,

how do I play him?

- Play him just like Cyrano.

- Cyrano, Cyrano, got it.

- And just follow Milo's

lead, and it will work.

Nick can do this.

- I got this, Mr. B.

It's gonna be awesome.

For real!

Cyrano, like, runs in my veins.

- And remember, you're old.

So if you don't

know what to say,

just pretend you can't hear

or fall asleep or something.

- Got it.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

(deep exhaling)

(upbeat music)

- Hi, Frank!

- You're late.

- Good evening,

maidens. (laughs)

Oh how I've looked

forward to this night.

I do not know which is more

full, the moon, or my heart.

- Ooh, isn't he sweet?

(laughing)

- I carry my

adornments on my soul.

I do not dress up

as a puffin jay,

but inwardly I

keep my daintiness.

I do not bear with

me by any chance

an insult not yet washed away,

a conscience yellow

with unpurged bile--

- Okay. (laughing)

He's not himself

today, so sorry.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Holly, you look fantastic.

- Thanks.

This is Mr. McGilicuddy.

- How do you do?

- Had better days.

- And this is the man I've

been telling you so much about.

- Ah, the infamous Uncle Frank.

- Charmed, I'm sure.

- What's he doing here?

- Oh, I told Holly she

could bring a friend.

- Barbara, it's

hardly appropriate

for the pastor's son to

be here, do you think?

- Ohh.

Oh, yeah.

- Hostess, they'll

need their own table.

- Let me see what I can do.

- Thanks.

- You kids run along,

take care of yourselves,

and make good choices.

- What's that Uncle Frank?

- Oh, I'd be happy to

show you to the restroom.

- I don't need to

use the restroom.

- You need to use the restroom.

I'll be right back,

save me a seat, okay?

- Hurry back.

- Okay, what are

you doing out there?

- What, you told

me to be Cyrano.

- Yeah, but you're pouring

it on a bit too thick,

don't you think?

- I am?

- Here you are.

- Thank you.

- Well, hello there.

- Excuse me.

Do you have any more tables?

- I'm sorry, this is

all we have right now.

- Great.

- Okay, less is more, got it?

Turn it down, all right?

- Okay.

Okay.

- Having fun?

- Oh yeah.

- All right, good.

Now get back out

there and be old.

- You got it.

- Jack Bridges.

You.

- Dirk?

(punching)

(thudding)

- Nighty night, old man.

- Your table's ready.

- Nick, are you all right?

It's me, Jack, the

situation's been compromised.

We have to go.

- Not now, he's here.

- Good evening.

- Welcome, Reverend.

- Good evening.

- I'm so thankful

for this opportunity.

- [Mary Margaret] And we are

honored to have you join us.

- Hubba hubba.

He's so young! (giggles)

- I did not know Johnathan

Bridges personally,

but I knew of his work.

Oh, what a legacy,

what a ministry.

He had such an impact.

It's a shame his son

did not fair better.

I know you had

great expectations.

- Huge expectations, impossible

expectations. (laughing)

At least, that's

what I gathered.

- Well, it won't be easy

following in his footsteps.

- Well, if you're not up to

the challenge, I understand.

- Mind your manners.

You are out of place.

- I didn't say it would be easy,

but I still think I can do it.

- Holly, we're soul mates.

- I have no idea what

you're talking about.

- I want you.

- Please stop.

- I have to go.

- See ya.

- Frank.

- Milo, didn't you say that

you are a master Hibachi chef?

- No, (laughing) I--

- Yes, he studied

under Benny Ho.

- Really?

Well you must cook our dinner.

- Yes!

- It was along time ago,

(laughs) I just, I couldn't.

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