American: The Bill Hicks Story Page #10

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was supposed to be us running from the Brits,

and now Americans are having to tell the Brits

what's become of the American dream.

They did get it.

They got it. They could handle it.

How that manifested itself

was his confidence went through the roof,

and he definitely attributed that

to being in the UK.

This is amazing. Last show I did...

You're not gonna believe this.

Belfast, Ireland, last week.

Never been to Belfast, Ireland.

Played to 900 screaming and adoring fans

in a turn-of-the-century theatre

that Oscar Wilde performed in,

only to come back to America,

the country I toured ceaselessly for 15 years

to play Adolf's Comedy Bunker in Idaho,

in front of 25 apathetic people,

strangers one and all,

who stared at me like a dog

that had just been shown a card trick.

One of life's little ironies.

When Bill talked to me about

breaking out in England and making it there,

I thought, "Oh, sh*t,"you know?

Over in England? But it was

pretty much for him a fait accompli.

"This is the place that gets me,

"I'm filling theatres, not comedy clubs,

impartial comedy clubs."

It wasn't really until

I saw the Revelations special

that we were all like, "Oh, my God,"you know.

"Bill's like a rock star over there,

that's amazing. You know, finally. "

You're in the right place.

It's Bill.

I'm so sick of arming the world

and then sending troops over to destroy

the f***ing arms, you know what I mean?

We keep arming these little countries

then we go and blow the sh*t out of them.

We're like the bullies of the world, you know?

We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane

throwing the pistol at the sheep herder's feet.

Pick it up.

"I don't want to pick it up, mister.

You'll shoot me."

Pick up the gun.

"Mister, I don't want no trouble, huh?

"I just came downtown here to get

some hard-rock candy for my kids,

"some gingham for my wife.

"I don't even know what gingham is,

but she goes...

"she goes through

about ten rolls a week of that stuff.

"I ain't looking for no trouble, mister."

Pick up the gun.

Pkk! Pkk! Pkk!

"You all saw him.

"He had a gun."

Bill was a true patriot,

and that is like a true American and a true

patriot does question the Government

and that's what being a patriot means,

is that you question the powers.

I mean, I think he was still

always proud to be an American

but he was embarrassed about the things

that his government was becoming.

By the way, if anyone here

is in advertising or marketing,

kill yourself.

Thank you, thank you. Thanks.

Just a little thought.

I'm just trying to plant seeds.

Maybe... maybe one day they'll take root,

I don't know.

You try. You do what you can.

Kill yourself.

Seriously, though, if you are, do.

Uh... no, really.

There's no rationalisation for what you do

and you are Satan's little helpers.

OK? Kill yourself, seriously.

You're the ruiner of all things good.

Seriously.

This is not a joke.

"There's gonna be a joke coming."

There's no f***ing joke coming.

You are Satan's spawn,

filling the world with bile and garbage.

You are f***ed and you are f***ing us.

Kill yourself. It's the only way

to save your f***ing soul. Kill yourself.

Thanks, thanks.

Planting the seeds.

I know all the marketing people are going,

"He's doing a joke." There is no joke here.

Suck a tailpipe. F***ing hang yourself.

Borrow a gun from a Yank friend.

I don't care how you do it.

Rid the world

of your evil f***ing machinations.

Machi... Whatever. You know what I mean.

I know what all the marketing people

are thinking now too.

"Oh, you know what Bill's doing?

He's going for that anti-marketing dollar.

"That's a good market. He's very smart."

Oh, man, I am not doing that,

you f***ing evil scumbags.

"Oh, you know what Bill's doing now?

"He's going for the righteous indignation

dollar. That's a big dollar.

"A lot of people are feeling that indignation.

We've done research. Huge market.

"He's doing a good thing."

God damn it, I'm not doing that,

you scumbags.

Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign

on every f***ing thing on this planet.

It's a universal idea,

but supposedly it's the American creed,

which is free men, who can say

what they want and believe what they want,

and that's a powerful idea

when you see somebody that believes

so much in that kind of freedom.

That's exactly what you work for.

That's what it's all about.

Audiences that get what you're saying.

I got called by NBC,

so I flew down and spent

the whole week with him.

He was really relaxed

and he had some time off

and when we were driving around Los Angeles

we started developing new characters.

Los Angeles, California, stars in the making.

Everyone's got a rsum in their hands

and dreams in their eyes

and he'd given up smoking

and he goes, "I just feel great."

Bill never stopped

wanting to make it in America.

He was now kind of wondering,

"What does the future hold for me?"

You know, when I would go

watch him in Austin four nights in a row,

I would be amazed

that maybe something that was

just a throwaway line the first night

became a five-minute bit by the fourth night.

Put on a helmet, go wait in that foxhole. We'll

tell you when we need you to kill somebody.

You know, I'm so sick...

I've watched these f***ing congressional

hearings and all these military guys

and all the pundits seriously...

"Oh, the esprit de corps will be affected

"and we are such a moral..."

Excuse me, aren't you all f***ing

hired killers? Shut up! You are thugs.

When we need you to go blow the f***

out of a nation of little brown people,

we'll let you know.

Until then, what do the f***ing military...

"We are the military!

"Is that a village of children and kids?

Where's the napalm?"

Shh-kkk!

"I don't want any gay people

hanging around me while I'm killing kids.

"I just don't want to see it."

That was, uh... June of '93,

and I have those shows on video,

and I was at work one day

and he called my wife

and he said, "Do you have a doctor,

a family doctor, here in Austin?"

And she said, "Yeah, we do,"

and he goes, "Could you call and make me an

appointment? I'm having stomach problems."

Bill called a lot of times while

he was waiting to go on or whatever at a show

and I heard Jim say,

"Are you getting ready to go on?"

And Bill said, "No, I'm in the hospital."

And I remember

my wife answered the phone,

and then she said something like, "Oh, it's

your brother. He's got cancer or something",

like he was making a joke or something,

and I got on the phone and, "What's up?"

And he said, "Well, I got bad news,"

you know, and he said...

And I just... it just devastated me, you know?

I mean it, you know, so...

The foundation of our family

was probably laid early on in our lives

and I don't think that there was ever

any hesitation of decision in Bill's mind

that he just needed to get back home.

When he picked me up at the airport at LA,

he came straight from a chemo treatment.

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