American Pie Presents: Band Camp Page #6

Hey.

Should I bring that Picardo thing?

Okay, I'll do a solo for you.

- What's up, Ernie?

- Hey.

It was that fugly nurse again.

Oh, my God.

Matt Stifler?

- Holy sh*t, look at you.

- Arrianna, what are you doing here?

We practice our routine with the band.

What are you doing here?

I had to come. The school made me.

- Does anybody know about this yet?

- Oh, they do now.

Hey, come on, no pictures.

What're you, the papa-tit-zzy?

- Holy sh*t, this is so hilarious.

- Smile.

Ladies. No time for fraternizing.

Get the bags.

Guess I'll see you around, bandee.

What a dork.

I'm going to email this to everybody.

Girls, that was great. Percussion, take five.

Horns, we've got to work on intonation.

The final performance is tomorrow,

you guys.

They're so lame.

You play the triangle. How cute.

No, I don't. Look, I told you...

- I had to...

- I gotta go.

- I don't socialize with bandees.

- I'm not a f***ing bandee.

I'm not. Look.

I've just been acting like a geek.

I've been playing them

so I could get them on hidden video.

I've been secretly videotaping them

doing all this crazy sh*t.

- Really?

- Yeah, I could show you.

Okay, come by after dinner.

I'll leave my pompoms

in the window for you.

- You're late.

- Yeah, no sh*t. Open the window.

Hold on. Be careful with it.

All right, one condition

before I show you the fruits of my labors.

What's that?

I want that picture

on that camera phone erased.

Nobody at school hears

about the triangle or the beanie.

I don't want anybody

to think I'm a dorky-ass bandee.

Fine. Like, now can we get on with it?

As soon as you get rid of that picture

of me on your phone.

Are you going into town?

Not tonight. I'm too tired.

Besides, they're much hotter here.

I know. It's a great crop this year.

- There. Done deal.

- Now can we see the video?

Stiffmeister Productions...

in association with

its talented new director, Matthew Stifler...

is happy to premier the unedited...

unfiltered, and un-f***ing-believable

Bandeez Gone Wild.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, my God.

- That is unbelievable.

- You're kidding me, right?

- That's great.

Danielle likes Jimmy,

but she's like a foot taller than him.

And wait till you hear this.

Sheree slept with that big Oscar guy,

the drummer.

Said he was amazing.

I hooked up with Brandon once.

Some drummer. He has...

no rhythm,

and he can't even bang very long.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Yeah, he's a preemie. I'm not talking

about the day he was born, either.

Can you get my back?

I think I got a little bit of sun today?

Sure.

Get this. He has one ball.

No way.

One ball.

Yeah, that why he carries that big stick

around everywhere.

It's got his other ball on top.

Sh*t, sh*t, oh, sh*t.

What is that thing?

Let's kill it.

- Where'd he go?

- There he is.

Look out.

This is going into the lake.

No one's gonna know

about your little video.

'Cause the sh*t you got us doing on tape...

So we got a contest to win tomorrow.

And I don't want to see you.

Understand?

Did you help him?

With East Great Falls

in the lead...

Beechwood has to win

the Band Camp Playoffs.

Direct yourselves to the marching field

in one hour.

Now, Dr. Choi, Brandon Vandecamp

from Beechwood...

is our best musician by far...

and his father, Landon,

is our best donor, also by far.

Robards needs talented musicians

as much as we need talented donors.

Ipecac.

- So how's it going? Are you having fun?

- It's okay.

How about some Ipecac, Vande-cooch?

This herbal f***ing extract will help you

Beechwood fief play in tune, huh?

Sh*t.

I told you

I don't want to see you anymore, Stifler.

Some day, you'll thank me, a**hole.

- Orange?

- Again?

- Damn.

- That orange sh*t is janky.

I'm feeling grape, dawg.

I don't care how many times they

won. They're not getting the grape today.

That's what I'm talking about.

Your five-time defending

champion...

Beechwood Academy.

- They're tight.

- Yeah, they're better then ever this year.

Okay, everybody.

It's no surprise Beechwood is good.

But this year is different.

This year, we can beat them.

We've worked hard,

and we are good enough...

and this is our time, so lets win the cup.

Yeah!

Beechwood Academy.

Their music today was composed

by senior drum major...

Brandon Vandecamp.

Beat that.

East Great Falls,

you may enter the field for competition.

Band 10 hut. One, two, ready.

Sh*t.

Leesy, wait, no.

No. Wait.

You know, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

Not my shoes. Here we go.

Stifler!

You know, you're like

your brother, Steve.

And I don't think those are the shoes

you should be so eager to fill.

You know, the people

Steve thought were his friends...

- really didn't like him very much.

- What?

But I think you're different.

I think people want to like you, Matt.

You just make it really hard.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

When you're a loser.

Mr. Levenstein reports

that there were a few incidents...

at camp.

But he also says that...

you bonded with the band briefly.

When school starts,

you're going to be on a very short leash.

Remember, the Shermanator sees it all.

Be gone.

Did everybody hate my brother?

Stardate:
August 21, 2005.

Some progress made with Stiffy Junior.

Behavior modification evident.

Will continue to monitor.

Shermanator out.

A little "Double-D Sheree" action.

Little bit of Dr. Robot.

Crazy f***er.

Hey, Stifler, where's your instrument?

Dude, you're in the wrong uniform.

Screw them, dude. They're gonna freak out

when they see the video.

Look, we thought that if we had

an advance screening...

then everyone would see

that you're not really a dork.

I can't. It's gone.

- What?

- The video, man, I deleted it.

Why?

Guess little bro's quitting

the family business.

Are you kidding me?

He went f***ing bandee on us.

Hey, what's up, guys?

You a dead man, motherf***er.

- You, too, little man.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Dude, the purple puke was an accident.

Somebody switched the coolers.

Hey, that orange sh*t is janky, yo.

Chloe, we never saw Elyse,

you know, naked.

Matt turned off the computer.

So we're just supposed to forgive him now?

- He's still an a**hole.

- You're right.

I am an a**hole.

I can't take back spying on you...

and I can't win that Bandee Cup thing.

But I can help someone

get what she deserves.

I'm not asking you to forgive me.

Just help me help Elyse.

- I got the number.

- Go ahead.

He shouldn't have been dumping Ipecac

in anyone's cooler.

We could've won on our own.

I don't even care that he saw me on camera.

Well, I mean I do, but...

Honey, this just came for you.

It's from Robards.

What's it say?

Dr. Choi wants to meet with me?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Bye.

Hi. Elyse Houston.

I have an appointment with Dr. Choi.

- You're not in the book.

- No, there must be some mistake. See...

I have a letter.

This letter is, well...

It's a fake.

- This is not Dr. Choi's signature.

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