American Satan Page #2

- Four years ago, yeah.

- Four years ago and we've been writing together ever since.

- (SIGHS)

- Over webcam.

- Yeah.

(SIGHS) Webcam?

You've never even met this kid

in real life before, have you?

- No. No. No. But, okay.

- (EXHALES)

You want the coolest job

in the world, yeah?

- Guess what, you've got to work for it.

- Not wrong.

Right.

(GROANS) Fine.

F*** both of you.

- Ouch.

- Why's he such a cock?

What's the plan then, man?

Uh, I say that we move into our new

spot. Just chill out. Shoot the breeze.

- Wait for the other guys to get here.

- Like it. I am in.

Fine. Good. I'm f***ing

knackered. Let's get on with it.

- Where's it at?

- We're here.

What?

- What's the code, man?

- No code.

Hop in!

(SCOFFS)

We're living in a van.

Yes. It's rock 'n' roll.

Now stop being

such a whiny c*nt and get in.

Go on.

I get the back row

and that is nonnegotiable, man.

(JOHNNY YELLING)

- Hello!

- (ALL CLAMORING)

- F***!

- Yes!

How have you been?

Dylan, man, I heard so much

about you, seriously, dude.

Right, right. Yeah well it's probably

all bollocks just like this whole project.

No. No. No. Dude, your drumming is

incredible. This is your destiny.

(SIGHS)

I do love your voice, mate.

LEO:
That's the spirit!

(GIGGLES) We're Relentless!

- (ALL CHEERING)

- DYLAN:
All right! All right.

So who's the chap playing bass?

Guys. Guys, this is Lily.

Hey, Lily.

Let's see you play "Damnation".

I'm not gonna sit here and play along

to a recording while you all stare at me.

I wanna jam.

Let's see if we have chemistry.

(CHUCKLES) All right.

Okay.

("MR. DOCTOR MAN" PLAYING)

Here's a little story

I'd like to tell

About this little boy

Who came from hell

Sit right there

And listen real good

Tell you all the ways

He's misunderstood

Chemically it's running

Through my veins, you see?

Romance of the plastic scene

Well, I can't see you

Breathe

Coming after me

Sounds wicked.

- Can you give us a couple of minutes?

- Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, Lily.

Just pop outside for a sec.

Won't be a minute.

(SIGHS)

Uh, she's perfect. (LAUGHS)

F***ing hell, I'm good!

Mate, she's a she. She's a she

that looks like that.

How the f*** are we supposed to be in a band

with someone who looks like that without...

You know, he's right, man.

(STUTTERS) I mean, it's gonna be

pretty tough to resist our primal urges.

You guys know I can hear you,

right?

- What makes you think I even like boys?

- (CLEARS THROAT)

- So you're a lesbian?

- Shut the f*** up, Dylan!

JOHNNY:

Okay.

Lily, do you wanna be

in The Relentless?

- Raise your hand if you want her to join the band.

- (SCOFFS) Yes!

Got any shows booked?

Um, um, (CLEARS THROAT)

yeah, um, about that.

Um, we do actually have a lot of

good stuff in the pipe at the moment.

Um, we've got some calls coming

in and some demos going out.

And it's actually looking

really good, really healthy.

(INHALES) And I'm positive that the

gigs are going to come in any day now.

Are you trying to convince me

or yourself?

(CHUCKLES) All right.

Motley Crue.

Guns N' Roses, Van Halen,

they all started here.

Mate, The Doors

are the house f***ing band!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look, just

don't get all f***ing cheesed off

if they don't book us.

All right.

Yeah, no worries.

We'll just get a new manager.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. That's a man's

living you're joking about there.

These guys just canceled

so in eight weeks,

I've got a show coming up

that you guys would be great on.

RICKY:
(STUTTERS)

Fantastic. Just to confirm.

That does mean

we've got the gig, isn't it?

- It sure does.

- It sure does.

- RICKY:
I knew it.

- Yes!

Now you gotta do the work.

Oh, well, these lads are not

scared of hard work. Are you, guys?

How much are we gonna get paid?

How much you get paid all depends

on how many tickets you sell.

I just moved here from England. How

am I supposed to sell any tickets?

It's been like this since

the '80s, guys. No handouts.

Oh, I thought

you liked our demo?

I do. It's totally a killer demo

but I only gamble on headliners.

Okay. We'll take another stack.

I like your style.

Mind blown. Mind blown.

RICKY:
Great. Well,

pleasure doing business.

LEO:
All right, Ricky, now's

your time to shine, mate.

Book as many shows as you can

in the local area

any time, any f***ing sh*t hole.

We'll play for free if we have to.

- Gotta get the word out.

- Oh, dear me, that's the truth.

You heard the guy,

the work starts here.

I gotta go to work. Give me some of those

tickets now, I'm gonna sell some later.

Good idea. There we go.

- I'll see you guys later tonight.

- See you later!

I bet you she's a stripper!

Oh, Dylan, will you keep your

sordid fantasies to yourself?

VIC:

What do you think, Johnny?

I think we're The Relentless

and in eight weeks

we're selling out The Whisky.

Hey, man. Hey. Can you give me

a cigarette, man?

- Come on.

- Uh, here.

Give me a hand.

(CHUCKLES) Thanks.

Ah, I don't like those.

- Whoa!

- What the f***, man?

- Hey, what's the matter, man?

- Whoa!

- What are you doing, you f***ing junkie?

- I'm sorry, man.

Hey, what the f***

are you doing?

Pre-selling tickets here

like you're some

f***ing stupid garage band?

Is that it?

Do you know how long I've

been stuck here in this vessel

waiting for you four d*cks

to show up?

Do you know how long?

What the f***?

Come on, let's go!

Let's get the show on the road!

Pick up our tickets right now.

What did you say?

What did you say to me?

(STUTTERS)

I said, pick up our tickets.

Duh.

Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Rebel. Huh?

With the ring in the nose.

And those little,

little tatty tats. Yeah.

Got any other rings?

No? (LAUGHS)

You know what? How about that?

I'll buy a f***ing ticket.

Why don't you get down on your

f***ing knees and you pick them up?

Oh, look at the manager, grubbing

around in the gutter. That's perfect!

- (RICKY GROANS)

- What the hell is your deal, mate?

(CHUCKLES) Hey, my deal's

the best in town, man.

You should sign it.

Oh, this is the religious loony

from the liquor store.

(STUTTERS) Let's f***ing go.

That's really beautiful, man.

Thank you.

You're so quick to judge!

I thought that's what you hated

in people, when they did it to you.

Huh?

They judge the way you look,

the way you dress,

even the music you listen to.

All right,

what's your story, man?

(WHISPERS) I'm gonna have some

very important people there.

Very, very important.

So please, you put me

on the guest list, all right?

Thanks.

- What did he say?

- I don't know. Let's just f***ing go.

(CELLPHONE RINGING)

(LINE RINGING)

(CELLPHONE RINGING)

Hey, baby. Guess who just got

a show at The Whisky?

That's amazing.

Guess who finally put in

her transcript for UCLA?

Uh, f*** yeah. So that means that

when my band breaks up in six years

I can work for you, huh?

Hmm. Babe, I don't really know if you're

cut out to be an executive assistant.

(LAUGHS)

- I miss you.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes