American Satan Page #4

Is that one of your clients?

Did you sign Lucifer,

Mr. F***ing Manager?

Stop shitting us, man.

Look, pop stars, they're the

ones that influence the masses.

- We're just a rock band.

- Oh, pop stars are so f***ing boring.

Anyway, I've got most of them.

- Like who?

- Jay Z. "Empire State of Mind."

I love that lyric, um,

"Jesus can't save you.

Life starts

when the church ends."

And then his little protg,

Kanye.

You know, I put him on the front

of Rolling Stone magazine

with a crown of thorns

on his head.

Total f***ing blasphemy.

You know that guy's got

over 20 Grammys.

That's more than the Beatles,

Neil Young

and Elvis put together.

I mean,

even I'm embarrassed by that.

Oh, Cassandra,

thank you, darling.

- Thank you very much.

- You're welcome, Mr. Capricorn.

Mr. Capricorn?

Oh, did you hear an echo?

Okay, right, look,

why exactly a band like us?

Rock 'n' roll, heavy metal.

you're so loyal to me.

You wear me on your sleeve.

But your fans are dangerous

and your fans

are full of passion.

Oh, whatever, mate.

You're f***ing mental.

Have you ever seen Iron Maiden?

They filled stadiums

full of their fans.

Singing along to songs like

"The Number of the Beast."

Or what about Van Halen? Huh.

"Running with the Devil."

The Stones,

"Sympathy for the Devil."

I mean, on and on

and on and on it goes.

I'm not saying I'm Satan.

I'm just saying the devil

is a catchy lyric.

If that was all real, they would

never put it out in the open.

Hmm, well, he talks. Hmm.

Check this out. See this?

The pyramid and the eye.

Do you know what that signifies?

Illuminati.

- What's that writing say?

- He favors our undertakings.

Yes, I do. And this?

New order of the ages.

Novus ordo, yeah.

You know, the best place

to keep a secret...

- is right in front of someone.

- ...is right in front of someone.

(CHUCKLES) Johnny be good.

CAPRICORN:

Great.

All right. Fine. I'm a believer.

Now what?

Are you speaking for everybody?

All right, I'll take one.

I'll take one.

We'll perform a ritual ceremony.

And then I will make you

international icons.

What's the ritual?

Something very simple.

Human sacrifice.

- Oh, come on.

- No f***ing way.

- Well, make it a revenge kill.

- I'm not killing anyone.

No, you're right.

Let's f***ing go, guys.

- Yeah.

- Sit down, Johnny. Sit down.

Somebody is gonna have to die.

Johnny,

you might as well go

and phone your mother.

(CELLPHONE RINGING)

Johnny? Is everything all right?

I don't know. You tell me.

(SIGHS)

- Did grandma tell you?

- Did she tell me what?

They just found some cancerous

tumors in my left breast.

The surgery and the treatment

is really expensive.

I didn't want to tell you

because I didn't want it

- to keep you...

- We have to do something. How time do we have?

Let me... Let me go back to sleep

and I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

It's important

that I get some rest.

I'll call you tomorrow.

I love you. Bye

You're the singer

from Lily's band, right?

Yeah, sorry about tonight. That's what

happens when you're in a band with a whore.

Shut up.

Oh, Mommy, Mommy.

You're in L. A. now, bro.

You better quit crying to your

mommy, You sound like a little b*tch.

I will break your f***ing face.

How about I just f***

your mom's face?

If she's half as cute as you,

that's good enough for me.

Oh, maybe if she swallows my

load, it'll make her feel better

(CHUCKLES)

That's the spirit, mad man.

What are you faggots looking at?

Did you give your mom

my number yet?

I knew you were a f***ing b*tch.

Why don't you come over here?

Oh, I'm in The Relentless.

I'm so f***ing cool. (GRUNTS)

(RICKY) Get into the f***ing

van! Get into the f***ing van!

(DYLAN)

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

- Get the f***...!

- (CAR STARTING)

Go!

- (BANGING)

- (MUFFLED SCREAMING)

All right, guys.

Who wants to do the honors? Huh?

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Ah, good. (CHUCKLES)

CAPRICORN:

That's it. Let's ease him up.

Right, now, Ricky,

I want you to go lock the doors.

Bring the keys back to me.

I'm not sure I can do this.

Ricky.

(DAMIEN GRUNTS)

- I can.

- Good man.

(LOCK CLICKING)

(SCREAMS)

Gentlemen, thank you.

You'll all get the chance

to save Damien's life.

Please, let me out!

Johnny, go save your mom's life.

CAPRICORN:
Give her my love.

Tell her I'll see her later.

(DAMIEN SCREAMING)

You will be loved.

Feared. Despised.

Worshipped.

All the masses will congregate

around your music

like the ultimate opiate.

(GRUNTS)

Let him burn.

Ricky!

All your desires

will be fulfilled.

You are The Relentless!

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, Johnny,

what the f*** are you doing?

We came here to play music,

not God.

True colors will always fade

in the right light.

(GRUNTS)

(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING)

(LAUGHS)

Electrifying performance,

gentlemen.

When opportunity knocks,

make sure you answer.

(CAPRICORN WHISTLING)

What the f*** happened

to you guys?

("FIRE" PLAYING)

Lonely shadows following me

Lonely ghosts come a calling

Lonely voices talking to me

Now I'm gone

Now I'm gone, now I'm gone

And my mother told me

Son, let it be

Sold my soul to the calling

(CELLPHONE RINGING)

Sold my soul

To a sweet melody

- Hello?

- ELIAS:
Is this Vic?

This is Elias

from Akkadian Records.

Hey. Hey, man. Um...

Thanks for coming to our show.

I'm really sorry about our set.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, that

was, that was amateur hour,

to say the least, but I listened

to your demo late last night.

Look, these songs

have real potential.

Can you guys come by my office

today at 3:
00 p. m. for a meeting?

- Yes. Yeah, man, absolutely.

- All right, see you then.

- Wow.

- (BEEPS)

- Lily?

- Mm-hmm.

Gonna need your car.

We're all not gonna fit

in my car. Where's the van?

I sold my soul

To the sweet melody

Now I'm gone

Now I'm gone, now I'm gone

Oh, gimme that fire

WOMAN:

Elias, they're here.

Ah, you must be Johnny.

Yeah, so you, uh,

work from home?

I do whatever the f*** I want,

just like you a**holes.

Have a seat.

ELIAS:
Did you guys hear about

what happened to Damien Collins?

LILY:

What happened?

They found him dead,

deep in the valley, scary scene.

What?

It's crazy how karma

works out, right?

(STUTTERS) What do you mean?

Well, two years ago, he's driving

wasted, he killed two people,

Vince Neil style. (SIGHS)

I don't follow.

Well, I guess that's before

you guys' time.

Vince Neil during the Shout

at the Devil album cycle,

driving totally wasted

to a liquor store,

crashed into another car.

The drummer from Hanoi Rocks

died. He was riding shotgun.

The two people he hit,

permanent brain damage.

Then what happened?

Then Vince pleaded guilty

and because

he's the singer of Motley Crue,

got about two weeks jail time.

Huh. That's mental.

The same thing

happened to Damien.

He barely did any jail time

because of his father,

who's a very powerful lawyer,

a good guy to have in your back

pocket if you get into any trouble.

But, hey,

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