American Splendor Page #3

LANA:

Exactly what it looks like.

12.

HARVEY:

(loud)

Whattya mean!! You mean yer

dumpin’ me?! Fer what?

(his voice really rips)

Ah, sh*t!

That last yell did it. Harvey grabs throat in pain, torn

between his throat discomfort and trying to stop his wife

from leaving.

LANA:

Look, your plebeian lifestyle isn’t

working for me anymore.

Cleveland’s not working for me

anymore. I gotta get out of here

before I kill myself.

HARVEY:

But-

She gathers her bags and heads for the door. Harvey trails

her, trying to reason.

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

HARVEY (cont’d)

(mouthing, just a wheeze)

Please! Wait, honey ... Just

listen to what I got to say ...

She turns and stares at him. Harvey tries to say something.

But now nothing at all comes out of his mouth. Only wheezes

air.

He tries again. No sound at all.

Finally LANA gives up, turns back towards the door and

leaves.

SLAM!!

CUT TO:

INT. V.A. HOSPITAL - 1975 - DAY

At his cubicle in the file room, Harvey fills a cart with

files. He’s physically at work, but mentally in a daze.

13.

REAL HARVEY (V.O.)

Here’s our man--yeah alright,

here’s me --or the guy playin’ me,

anyway, though he don’t look

nothin’ like me, but whatever. So

it’s a few months later an’ I’m

workin’ my flunky, file-clerk gig

at the V.A. Hospital. My voice

still ain’t back yet. Things seem

like they can’t get any worse...

A nurse pops her head in. Harvey hands her a file.

NURSE:

Thank you, Harvey dear.

He doesn’t hear her, still stewing about LANA.

last files in the cart and pushes it away.

He shoves the

HARVEY:

(to himself)

Plebeian ... where the hell did she

get that sh*t?

CUT TO:

INT. FILE ROOM -- A FEW MOMENTS LATER

We see rows and rows of endless files ...

Still in a daze, Harvey removes the files from the cart and

puts them on the shelves.

MR. BOATS (O.S.)

Avoid the reeking herd!

Shun the polluted flock!

Live like that stoic bird,

The eagle of the rock!

Harvey turns around. Mr. Boats -- a portly, African-American

maintenance worker wearing a bow-tie -- steps into Harvey’s

row. He has a tool box.

HARVEY:

Huh? Oh. Hiya, Mr. Boats.

Harvey resumes shelving.

BOATS:

You know what that means, son?

14.

HARVEY:

Yeah. It’s from an Elinor Hoyt

Wylie poem. It means stay away

from the crowds of common ordinary

people an’ do yer own thing.

Mr. Boats laughs.

BOATS:

Nope, it means don’t compromise

yourself for women. Ain’t gonna do

you no good! Get away from ‘em as

soon as you can!

HARVEY:

Well I ain’t got no woman now. So

I’m living like the stoic bird,

man.

MR. BOATS

The only way to live, son.

Somehow this doesn’t make Harvey feel any better about his

life.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY -- DAY

Harvey carries an armful of files. Mr. Boats still trails

him, lugging his tool box.

Suddenly, Mr. Boats points out a young African-American FILE

CLERK wearing a pair of big headphones on his afro. He moves

as if he’s listening to music.

MR. BOATS

Look at that fool over there.

What’s he wearing?

HARVEY:

Huh? That’s an A.M.-F.M. radio

he’s listening to... They got ‘em

fixed up now like a pair of

earmuffs.

MR. BOATS

(INAPPROPRIATELY ANGERED)

MMPH! Isn’t that somethin! People

have gone crazy. They’ll buy any

kinda junk! Probably listening to

that loud rock stuff. Junk, junk,

it’s all junk!

15.

HARVEY:

Well, I don’t know. Rock music’s

got some good qualities. I mean it

ain’t jazz or nothin’.

Mr. Boats looks at him like he’s crazy.

MR. BOATS

Say, when you gonna bring me in

some good records? Some Nat “King”

Cole with Strings...

HARVEY:

I don’t got any of that, Mr.

Boats...

Mr. Boats stops and yells down the hall at Harvey.

MR. BOATS

Yeah, you got it... You’re keepin’

it at home, though! You won’t turn

loose the good stuff... You just

sell the junk!

Harvey shakes his head as Mr. Boats finishes his diatribe.

Mr. Boats turns into a room.

MR. BOATS (cont’d)

(singing)

Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa. Men have

named you.

CUT TO:

INT. SOUND STAGE - PRESENT - DAY

HIGH DEFINITION VIDEO DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE

Harvey sits on outdoor furniture. A few props are featured

in the frame indicating a garage-sale-like setting (including

a record player). Directly in front of Harvey are boxes of

used records.

HARVEY shows us his prodigious record collection. Thousands

of LP’s -- rare jazz, blues, fusion, klezmer, etc. -- are

piled in floor-to-ceiling bookcases.

He tells us about his love of jazz and how he started writing

jazz reviews and music articles. He finds the first record

that he reviewed and puts it on his turntable. As the music

plays...

16.

Harvey talks about how he started buying and selling records.

This leads into how he first met ROBERT CRUMB.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CLEVELAND GARAGE SALE - FALL - 1962 - DAY

.

INTERTITLE:
1962

HARVEY (a little more hair but the exact same style) and a

bunch of his BUDDIES sift through old records at a junk sale.

REAL HARVEY (V.O.)

In the early sixties I was with

some buddies at a junk sale looking

for some choice sides when I met

this shy, retiring cat from

Philadelphia named Bob Crumb. You

know the guy; Fritz the Cat, Mr.

Natural an’ all-- they made a movie

about him, too.

One of Harvey’s pals -- MARTY -- pulls a record out of a box.

MARTY:

C’mon, Harv. You dig Jay McShann.

You gonna buy that or what?

Harvey jumps up from his search to check out the LP.

HARVEY:

I don’t know, Marty. It’s got a

lamination crack in it...

(checking out the price)

A quarter. Maybe I can get him

down.

MARTY:

You are one cheap bastard Harvey.

HARVEY:

Yeah, I know I’m tight, man, but I

live on a government wage.

A skinny guy with a big nose, glasses and a ratty trench coat

taps Harvey on the shoulder. He is soft-spoken, a bit shy

and very odd - a young ROBERT CRUMB.

CRUMB:

You collect Jay McShann, man?

17.

HARVEY:

Yeah, man. How ‘bout you?

CRUMB:

Yeah but most of my records are

back in Philly.

A greaser-type guy in a leather jacket, PAHLS, joins them.

PAHLS:

Harv, meet my buddy Bob Crumb. He

just moved to town. He’s an artist

at American Greeting Card Company.

HARVEY:

That’s cool.

PAHLS:

You should see his comics, Harv.

They are outta sight.

HARVEY:

(interested)

Yeah? I’m into comics myself.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HARVEY’S LIVING ROOM - FALL - 1962 - DAY

A disheveled mess that gives new meaning to the term bachelor

pad. Records and books are strewn everywhere.

.

REAL HARVEY (V.O.)

So Crumb showed me this comic book

novel he was working on -- THE BIG

YUM YUM BOOK. I’d never seen

anything like it.

HARVEY marches back and forth holding Crumb’s illustrated

comic novel. CRUMB sits on the floor nursing a beer and

sorting through vintage comic books. Harvey’s bursting with

so much enthusiasm, it’s almost aggressive.

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