Americans in Bed Page #2

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I would sleep with the

individual and they would

be gone the next day,

or I wouldn't sleep with

the individual and they

would be gone the next day.

I remember the first time

we had sex, too.

It wasn't--

I thought it was terrible.

Yeah, it wasn't good.

I thought it was

terrible.

Maybe, like,

he had hyped it up

to be something

and I wasn't even

prepared or I just--

it was like,

"Oh, OK," you know.

And I don't know what

happened after that,

if we, like,

"Oh, like, let's give it

another try."

For me, like, even though

the sex was bad,

I was like, "All right,

well, let's go on.

You know, there could be

Try Number 2, Try Number 3.

Maybe it'll get better."

I didn't just see him

as a sexual being.

I saw him more as a partner,

someone I can connect with

and, you know, it wasn't

just about sex,

you know, but I think

eventually--

I don't know what changed,

but it got better.

I mean, we're not

having sex, like,

every night of the week.

I think that would be hot,

you know--I mean, not--

I don't think I would

enjoy that, but I think

I would classify that

as hot, hot,

you know, but--

But is sex the relationship?

Is the relationship sex?

No, it's not.

For me, the relationship is

the comprehensive total of

everything going on here.

I think it's

a hot relationship.

Yes.

[Chuckles]

I think it's warm

and could be hotter. Yeah.

How could it be hotter?

I guess more sex

and having more intimacy.

More--OK.

So, on a scale

of one to ten,

how hot is it for you?

I'd say

it's a 6 or 7.

6 or 7?

And some more sex

would make it an 8?

No.

Well, in that area,

I'm saying.

In that area.

OK. Ha ha!

But I guess we see it

differently.

Hmm.

The last relationship

that I was in prior to

meeting George,

this was an individual

that--the image I have

in my head,

I would basically

show up with my heart

in my hand.

This individual

would, yeah, caress it

for a while, and then

take out a sledgehammer

and smash it to bits

and then walk away.

And then I would be in

pain, I would delicately

reconstruct this heart,

tape it, glue it,

bandage it all together

and come back:

"Here you go.

I'm willing to show up

again with this,"

and again:
accept,

bash it again--even into

smaller pieces--

and I would again,

you know, construct it

again

and continue to show up;

whereas, in this case,

I was determined,

by any means necessary,

to not surrender this

and to really, really

preserve the integrity

and the wholeness

of what was something

that was so special

and fragile that I kept

surrendering over

to other individuals who

had no respect for it.

So, uh, yeah,

I was very--

I was very protective

of my heart.

[Distant dog barking]

JOE:
We come to bed,

11:
00, relaxing, whatever.

The kids jump in.

Alex dives in...

Ha ha ha ha!

Comes here with the dog.

She goes to bed,

I say, "OK, she's gone.

Joey, finish your homework?"

"Yeah."

Run, jump over the top--

pow!--into the bed,

hug and kiss

and "Love you, guys,"

doggie, doggie, fighting

with the dog, go to bed.

Fights with the dog,

we're always yelling

about the dog, the dog.

Right, and that's

what happened, and we

wake up, and the dog.

Here he is.

Joe has an issue

with the dog.

He hates the dog.

He really--he's

pretending

to like the dog;

he doesn't like

the dog at all.

And I don't want

to hurt the dog.

I don't want to beat him

or anything like that.

He doesn't want

to hurt him.

[Mouths "hates the dog"]

I got 3 kids

that are up our butts.

I'd like to be able

to not have anything:

pets, dogs.

Usually when he comes in,

he's like, "This damn dog!"

'Cause he's barking.

Every day I hear him

under his breath,

muttering about the dog.

Can we curse

a little bit here?

No.

He's a cock block,

this dog.

Ha ha!

No, he's not

a cock block!

Ha ha ha!

He totally is.

OK, OK.

He is not.

We try to have

Sexual Sunday,

as we call it;

like, everybody's sleeping,

kids are out, whatever.

Kids are probably

watching.

Oh, they're wa--no.

Ha! OK.

So she'll throw

the dog out,

and then we'll have

a little--I put on

some music,

put on whatever and make it

nice and comfortable,

we come back,

and here's what I hear

at the door.

[Scratching]

For an hour,

"Arf, arf, arf!"

Ha ha ha!

Look, he knows.

That's what he does

every Sunday morning.

He knows.

He's a kind of problem.

We got to change Sexual

Sunday to Sexual Saturday.

Maybe it'll throw

the dog off a little bit.

Sexuality, sexually,

everything's wonderful

between us, but it's not

the priority.

I have friends that

wish that they had

the relationship

that Patty and I have

when it comes to

touching each other,

kissing each other,

flirting, touching,

grabbing.

My guys, they--

it's not even about sex

for men when you get older.

It's about affection

and wanting to feel love,

and if you find time

to do it when the dog's

not scratching

and the kids not diving

on you, it's great.

Ha ha!

Oh.

[Giggles]

Well, this is

my second marriage.

And he's number 4

for me.

Yes, well,

I got married at 17

and divorced at 19,

and married at 21,

divorced at 24.

When was that? Divorced,

um--can't keep track.

Yeah, I know, you

need a scorecard.

Anyway,

then I got married at 25--

or 27 and got--yeah,

I got married at 27

and got divorced at 29.

Pretty much my marria--

this is the longest

marriage I've ever had.

Pretty much

my marriages have--

the longest one was

two and a half years

prior to Guy,

so I kind of, like,

got married, divorced,

married, divorced.

But then,

I was raised Catholic,

and Catholic girls--

you're supposed to marry

the man you sleep with,

so I kind of had

that theme running

through my life.

We met in high school.

She was a cheerleader

and played sports.

Well, she's told me

near recently that

all the women,

all the girls

thought I was gay...

No, I--

which explains

my problem finding

a date, you know.

Ha ha ha!

She did reveal that

to me here recently

which, you know,

I should have

divorced her right then

for that comment.

Ha ha!

I said I thought

you were gay.

Oh, you did.

I see.

I didn't say

everybody else thought

you were, just me.

Well, that's not the way

it sounded to me.

I didn't even know

what gay was

when I was 16,

but, you know,

I just thought

you were different.

I was monogamous, OK?

I had a girlfriend

for the whole year,

school year,

pretty much every year

is the way it worked

for me.

Deanne dated whoever

was the guy

that made the touchdown

that week.

Ha ha ha!

I got this award.

It was called

the PT Award--

"Prick Teaser Award"--

because I was probably

the only virgin

that graduated

from that school.

I still was a virgin.

Proud of that.

Ahem.

Ha ha ha!

No, excuse me.

Just--my throat

was stuck.

Yeah, don't--

It was pure

coincidence.

No commentary

intended.

Better not.

We hooked up

on Classmates.

The last time he saw me,

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