Americans in Bed Page #4

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and he was

just like, "Whoa."

[Both laugh]

"Not--wait. "

So, for me, at least,

it was like, "Yay!

We get to hold hands!"

And for him, it was like,

"Oh, my God, we're holding

hands," you know?

But, yeah, I guess there

was, like, on both sides--

or at least for me--

it was, like, exciting

and, like...

I don't--it's special,

you know, 'cause it's

nothing--

it's something you've

never experienced before.

It just felt like

I was finally with

who I wanted to be

for the rest of my life,

and just to hold hands with

that person, it's like, "Oh,

this is my person now,"

you know, and she--

and I'm her person

and, my gosh,

it was just that--

you know, I always

wanted to have a person.

Ha ha ha!

And just finally having

the ability to have,

you know, to just be

with Yasmin and have

a person that's just--

to me, that was like,

"Ah! Finally."

LINDA:
I was married

for 24 years.

I was separated for over,

like, a year and a half,

and I had been going out

with different men.

And so I couldn't find

the connection that

I was looking for,

and one of my gentleman

friends had said,

"You know, you had been

with a woman before.

Have you thought

about that again?"

And I said, "Actually,

no, I hadn't."

So I went on the dating

site that says "women

looking for men,"

and I changed it to

"a man or a woman,"

and Margie sent me

an email saying,

"I'd like to meet you."

We went to go have

Thai food

and that was

our first date,

and then we came home

to my place

and sat on the love seat

because I didn't have

a proper couch.

I had a love seat,

so we sat close together

and she made me crazy

because we were talking

and I was, like,

turned toward her

and she kept doing this

and touching

my arm and...

[Giggles]

Touching my--

I'm like, "Oh, my God!

She's making me crazy!"

It's like, you know,

she's, like--she's

touching me!

And we were talking,

we were just having

a good time,

and then she had to

be home at a certain time

because of her husband.

And I just put my arms

around her and kissed her,

and then she pulled away

and said...

BOTH:
"I gotta go."

Ha ha ha!

MARGIE:
It was not

a secret, by any means.

I think it's a lot

of men's fantasy

to see their wife

with another woman.

As a matter of fact,

it was kind of

a birthday gift idea

and, you know, I had

really just been given

the freedom

to go and explore,

so that was exciting

for me and scary

and, you know, there was

all kinds of emotions

going on for me.

That part

of our relationship

was very difficult,

'cause she was kind of

like, "I want my cake

and eat it, too,"

and you couldn't

have--both lives

didn't work.

And I let her

make the choice and,

you know, I wanted her--

I loved her enough

that I just wanted her

to be happy.

And I don't think

she even knows how big

of a risk she took

in saying,

you know, "I love you,

I'll set you free"

and hoping that I

would come back

because I really,

really was torn.

Fortunately,

she was there to help me

pick up the pieces.

Yeah, I couldn't have

lived with that guilt

of "ruining a marriage,"

either, but it wasn't--

it wasn't that.

I just said, "I want you

to be who you want to be

and be happy,

"whether that's with me

or without me. That's--

you know, I will forever

be your friend."

Right, baby?

That's true.

Forever.

That's a long time.

We're old ladies.

I know.

[Both chuckle]

LEON:
I consider myself

polyamorous, which means I'm

responsibly non-monogamous.

I can have a girlfriend

and still be physical

with other people,

as long as everybody

involved knows and consents

to the other relationships.

So, for example,

Blanca is my girlfriend

and I'm her boyfriend,

but I may have

another date with

somebody else,

and Blanca would know

all about it.

Well, in the very beginning,

it was sheer torture.

I would go to bed

mortified thinking

about it

because, for me, sex is

about making love.

It's a very

intimate, personal,

beautiful thing

in which you share

your humanity with

somebody else.

I'm not into casual sex.

I don't understand it.

I do theoretically,

but not practically,

so, of course,

I would freak out.

Monogamy just is

painful to me,

just as my polyamory

might be to Blanca.

It put that hurt in her

that she describes

when she thinks,

"Maybe he's gonna leave me

for someone else."

And I also feel physically

pained when I'm--

when I have the opportunity

to meet somebody new

or be with somebody new.

Like, I don't--even if I'm not

pursuing it, just I like

the personal freedom.

I feel like it's

an important part of my

personality and my life,

and I feel that I would be

cheating myself and my life

if I were not free

to pursue some of the things

that make me happy.

It's not even that

I need to do anything

with other people,

it's just that I feel

like I need that freedom,

that part of my body...

just the thirst

for new experiences,

whatever they are.

Physical, emotional connection

with other people is really,

really important to me.

I've always felt that

I needed connection with

other people of all kinds,

and no matter how amazing

Blanca might be,

she can never be

someone else.

We definitely didn't

mean to fall in love.

[Chuckles]

No, we didn't,

because when Leon

first told me that

he was polyamorous,

I told him right away

that that wasn't

gonna be OK with me.

I told him I am

monogamous,

I come from a very

conservative background,

and I don't believe

in that.

I didn't even know

about polyamory.

I was like,

"What is that? "

[Giggles]

"My goodness."

And then he's like,

"Yeah, you know, OK,

I respect that,

"but I think

we have a connection

and, you know,

why don't we just

hang out from time

to time?"

And it turns out

that we started to hang

out from time to time,

and there was this thing

that happened

that I cannot put

my finger on it.

All I know is that you

start seeing sparkles

everywhere--ha!--

and you feel fuzzy

and you miss the person

and you think about them

all the time and...

Mmm.

You know, he's just...

you know, you just--

love does not alter

"when it alteration

finds."

It's...I can't put

my finger on it.

You're drawn to it

and you'll do

anything for it,

and so that's where

it all began.

It was an accident.

Yeah.

When we first met,

she was all about

this book called--

"Sex at Dawn."

"Sex at Dawn,"

which is about how

people are, like--

It's about, like,

polyamory.

Polyamory and polyamorous,

and she was like,

"Oh, we should be in

a relationship with others

and we should be--

it should be open."

And I was like, "F*** that."

I was like, "You are gonna

be mine and that's it,

otherwise we're not

doing this" and I still

feel that way.

You know, like,

the idea of, like,

being open to others--

like, if she were to say

to me, "Hey, you can

sleep with others,"

I'd be like, "OK,

that's interesting,"

you know.

Like, do I think that

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