Amigo Undead

1

Oh, and that was some great spur

of the moment thinking, Norm.

Well it's... you only,

kind I know how to do.

Sh*t. Stay back.

I think he's gone.

Is he?

Yeah, his hand just stopped moving.

We got fooled by that before.

Yeah, but that was, like,

the whole body.

We just liquefy this f***er.

Or unless he could reform

or something like the T-1000.

Reform?

I don't know.

I guess you're right.

You did it, brother.

Come on.

Let's get f*** out of here.

Ugh.

All right. So, what do you got for us?

How are you gonna get my money right?

Well, this bond fund

is really excellent.

You can consider it

your bank alternative.

It's super conservative,

very safe, no surprises.

I actually have a sizable chunk

of inheritance in this myself.

It's very safe, very consistent.

Hmm, I don't know.

It sounds kind of risky to me.

I said it's...

He's kidding.

That's good.

That's really funny.

We'll take a look at it.

Wonderful.

Also...

I don't know if the two of you've

given much thought to your future

or eventual retirement

but we also do estate planning.

And I understand you too

recently got married, congratulations.

I don't know if you plan

on having any kids

but we also have life insurance plans,

God forbid anything happen to you.

We wouldn't want the kids to...

Well, it's just stuff to think about.

Why don't you take one of my cards?

I think you gave us the wrong card.

Oh, no, that's my name, Kevin Ostrowski.

I was adopted.

Oh, you're like one of those

adopted Asian babies all grown up.

Yes, I was an Asian baby.

That was a joke, right?

Adopted Asian baby.

That's good.

All right.

Wonderful.

It was great meeting you.

Congratulations on the wedding.

Thank you.

And I hope to

speak to you again.

Why do you have to be such an a**hole?

Good night, Suzanne.

Good night.

- Hey, Kevin.

- Hey.

Listen, bill and Patrick are in town.

So you and I should probably take

them out for drinks tonight.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jason.

I actually have plans.

Right. Of course,

you have plans every night, right?

Well, I would have known

beforehand, then...

They're only in town one week.

Oh, well, when are they leaving?

Because maybe we could get together

next week on Friday before they leave.

What are you doing tonight

that's so important?

Well, it's not important.

I... it's just I've had a long week

and there's just this book

that I wanted to start.

A book?

I know it's weird.

Just trust me.

It'll be better next week.

I'll be mentally prepared,

we'll have fun.

Okay, okay.

Whatever, Kevin.

Okay. Just have a good weekend.

All right.

You too, Jason.

Okay. Oh, hey.

You enjoy that book.

Oh.

Oh.

Darn it.

Oh, man.

What the f***?

Oh, what the f***?

- Sh*t.

- I am so sorry.

I was distracted.

I take full responsibility.

That you take full responsibility, huh?

What the f***, man?

Look at that.

I can't see anything.

Yeah, well, if you smudged

away the dirt,

there's some scrapes

there for sure, man.

It doesn't look so bad.

I'm happy to take care of this

without going through the insurance.

Here, let me give you a card.

"Ostrowski."

What, you're trying to

scam me with a fake card?

It's my name, I was adopted.

You can check with the office.

What do you work for

a bank or something?

It's an investment firm.

I'm a financial advisor.

Really?

So...

You make a lot of money, huh?

Maybe, no.

I don't know, man.

How... it was quiet a blow

and there could be

some major damage here,

you know, internally.

And then me, ooh,

I'm feeling fine but, ow, maybe not.

Whoa. Whoa, did you hear that?

It's like a crunching sound.

Finn, let's go.

Hey, shut the f*** up.

You get back in the goddamn f***ing car.

Doing f***ing business here.

These f***ing b*tches.

These b*tches.

What'd you call my f***ing girlfriend?

Did you just call my girlfriend a b*tch?

I was just quoting you, I'm sorry.

Oh, now you're a newspaper boy.

I thought you're a financial advisor.

Have a good day.

- Hello?

- Hey, shithead. It's Norm.

Norm, you blocked your number?

Oh, is it blocked?

That's strange.

I had no idea.

I wasn't trying to, you know,

trick you or anything.

Well, did you know you made me get

into an accident earlier today?

I made you get into an accident?

How is that even possible?

Yeah, whatever.

So, is this like a good time?

I mean, am I interrupting something?

Yeah. Actually, it is a bad time.

I'm in the middle of lot of work,

so I can't really talk right now.

Oh, my God.

Are you looking at porn?

What? No.

Then why are you acting on weird?

I... I'm acting weird because

I don't wanna talk to you.

Okay, Norm?

I'm not watching porn.

Jeez, okay.

Blow me, calm down, bro.

I'll keep it brief.

I know it's been a long time

since we've talked but...

I have diabetes.

Oh.

So, is that bad?

Well, normally not,

but there's been some complications.

Okay. So, what do you mean?

What are you trying to tell me?

I don't know.

I don't know exactly.

Sometimes people in my

situation get better.

And sometimes they get a lot worse.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, I'm okay for now.

Actually, the reason I called was,

it's my 40th birthday this weekend.

I just bought a place

and me and the guys,

we're gonna go hang out,

and I'd really love

to see my baby brother,

will you come?

Think of it as a dying man's wish.

Jesus, Norm.

Yeah, I'll be there.

Awesome.

We're gonna reconcile

and it's gonna be so great.

I'll e-mail you the directions,

are you still kevin@asianloser.com?

Yeah, Norm, that's my e-mail.

Hey, can you hold on a second?

Hey, did you hear that?

Yeah, I did, that was really fun,

thank you for that.

Later shithead.

Where the hell is this place, Norm?

Hello, there.

$2.

Thank you.

You know, I've been driving around

for an hour looking for a sign,

is this jackrabbit hills?

Do you know where canyon road is?

I put it in my GPS before

I left and nothing came up.

It's two Miles up.

Thank you so much.

Are you guys Indian or native American?

It's very cool.

I studied you guys in elementary school,

it's a fascinating culture.

If I didn't pack a little heat.

I'd be a dead man by now,

that's my reality.

It's supposed to work,

it's better to be safe

than sorry.

Why is that funny?

I was just thinking of

that board game "sorry."

You remember that?

That game is so weird.

Hey.

Hey.

Is Norm here?

Who wants to know?

I'm his brother, Kevin.

He told me to come out here

for his birthday party.

You're Norm's brother?

Adopted.

Well then,

welcome, friend.

How are you doing?

My name's Wayne Simmons,

I'm Norm's pal.

And that there is Ian.

I never caught your last name, friend.

Well, that's it.

Hey, come on in, come on in.

Check this place out.

So, is anyone else coming or is this it?

This is our Valiant crew here

except for the big guy himself.

Excuse me, can you hold this?

No... what the hell?

Norm!

You almost blew my hand off.

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