An Ordinary Man Page #3

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bottom of this, don't we?

Where did you bleed,

the first time?

First floor.

My form room seat.

I wouldn't leave

that seat all morning.

- They had to carry me out.

- We weren't rejoicing?

Oh, Jesus,

the fantasies you men have.

Uh, God, no, it's a horror.

My daughter found me

in a bunker,

fifth hour of maneuvers.

This corporal comes

racing out to me

with a field phone,

four radio transfers.

They tracked me down,

I assume the war has started.

And there she is,

that voice.

"I couldn't find Mum."

My men got

very drunk that day.

[clears throat, sniffling]

They still don't know why.

My father made me

clean the seat and apologize.

Most men would. We're terrified

of the mysteries of young women,

absolute terror.

One day we're bathing

little girls, cheek-to-cheek,

and the next,

the door is locked for good.

I took her shopping

after that day,

to quell my fears.

Mine wouldn't be caught dead.

What a shame.

How else to pierce the veil,

learn your mysterious ways?

Show me home.

Your home.

Please, home is next.

[keys jangling]

[lock rattling]

Do you know how long

it's been since a young woman

invited me into her apartment?

I didn't invite you.

Tell me this is temporary.

It's not.

I've seen detention cells

with more character.

Well, you would know.

Turn around, please.

There's no door.

My God.

Would it kill you

to hang up a picture?

- Of what?

- Need we say more?

No wonder you don't

have company.

You'll cripple them.

May I fix this?

No, you may not.

[toilet flushes]

For such a big reader, your library

is, how shall I say, nonexistent.

Books take up space.

Yes, and give away

our secrets.

Your mother

wouldn't approve.

Oh, my mother

never approved.

I'm suffocating.

I need a cigarette.

Take us away, maid.

[traffic noise]

Go on, maid.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Oh, sh*t.

Sh*t.

[whistle blows]

- Where did you go?

- Dressing stall in the back.

Collect what you find,

go straight to the cashier.

I've nothing smaller.

I may be invisible, but let's

not push our luck, shall we?

Go.

[techno music]

Your father would be so proud.

Indulge me.

Change, please.

Nothing that can't be fixed.

So now we do what with these?

Why, now we pierce the veil.

[crowd chatter]

Men are invisible in the

presence of beauty. You'll see.

[counting in foreign language]

[folk dance music]

[singing in foreign language]

[applause]

[speaking foreign language]

[cheers]

Age before beauty,

I'm afraid, when bladders call.

I shall return.

[folk dance music]

[applause]

[waltz music plays]

Better than pork, isn't it?

[all laughing]

Gentlemen, my maid.

If you'll excuse us.

Well, this explains

your cooking.

You're not mine, are you?

You're theirs.

- No.

- Well, God knows you're not a maid.

Those piss-poor skills. Why?

- Maid.

- What?

They knew you'd never have me.

You'd never take protection.

Not if it wasn't on your terms.

Well, at least they know me

by now, that's encouraging.

The paper, what we read,

it's all true.

The noose is tightening.

So they send you.

- They thought I'd...

- Speak.

They thought I'd keep you

interested enough

to stay off the street.

So which are you,

the actress or a whore?

Not that both aren't possible.

Let's see those

skills then, eh?

Let's see just how good

a whore they sent me, huh?

No.

- Let's see you keep me occupied.

- No. No.

Let's... oh, oh.

Heart.

No, no.

- Oh...

- No!

[coughing]

[police radio chatter]

[engine revs]

[groans]

[trolley bell rings]

[panting]

[panting]

[trolley bell rings]

[ambulance siren blares]

[panting]

[machines beeping]

[coughs]

I'm sorry, you can't..

That's right,

and you're gonna help him.

Cardiomyopathy.

- He's got an enlarged...

- I know what cardiomyopathy is.

Then do something about it

before it goes into full arrest.

- I can't. Uh...

- You're gonna make sure that this patient

walks out of here tonight,

and as much as you'll be dying

to open your mouth,

you're not gonna say a word,

because God knows...

Milo Begovich won't

want the world to know

he conspired to keep

a wanted war criminal

in excellent health,

now will he?

[coughing]

You know how many lovers

Comrade Tito took at one time

at his peak,

if you'll pardon the expression?

I read this in a book.

Fourteen. Eh? Fourteen.

I've never taken one.

And I will never harm you.

No, you won't.

- That was an apology.

- I heard you.

You could have

died last night.

Never.

My maid wouldn't allow it.

You are mine, after all.

A monogamist

and a romantic.

Hardly fits the bill,

does it?

My first tour in Italy,

I was newly married,

really missing my wife.

Wanted to send her a letter

from the ship,

so I put the letter

in an envelope,

addressed it to her,

I put the envelope in a bottle,

along with $10

and 10 cigarettes.

The money and the cigarettes

were for whoever

found the bottle and sent

my message of love to her.

So, as we were passing through

the Stretto di Messina,

I flung the bottle

into the sea.

She got the letter

less than three weeks later,

along with $10

and 10 cigarettes.

You gotta love the Italians.

Where is your wife?

Anywhere I'm not, apparently.

Our home, I assume. Actually,

I have no idea at this point.

She won't speak to me.

Quite a pair, aren't we?

I can't keep a relationship,

you're too scared to have one.

Oh, please, allow me to

save you years of therapy:

Daddy's dead,

you hide for a living.

Boringly textbook, my dear.

Blink, and you'll be 60.

But then you know all this,

don't you,

if you're sitting here with me.

Whom are we kidding?

Whereas you, you're just

full of surprises.

You don't have a penis,

do you?

You certainly did last night,

and realized

I needed a babysitter.

- General...

- Who trained you?

You know I can't tell you that.

Really, that risky now, am I?

We don't wanna make it

any more complicated for you.

"We?" "We?"

How old are you again?

Already it's "we?"

- They own you that quickly?

- No one owns me.

No, you choose

to erase your life,

age 26,

change an old men's diapers.

However I can serve.

Serve. Please, we all serve

ourselves, period.

So this is how

you avenge your parents?

Car accident.

- How did it happen?

- Their car was bombed.

Oh, well,

in a car then, anyway.

That part was true.

They were with us.

And now you

take their place.

Balance is restored,

cycle continues, to what end?

What are your hopes?

My hopes?

A young woman trades

her life away,

surely she has reasons

besides hiding from boys.

Security for our people,

our home restored.

Aren't they yours?

Be very careful, my girl.

I'm fine, thank you.

You think your good

service protects you?

You have any idea what I've

done in service to my country?

- I can share some details.

- That's not necessary.

Really, still not curious

about the level of skill

we acquired in annihilating

the human form?

- The speed, the volume?

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