An Oversimplification of Her Beauty Page #2

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you were introduced to this

young lady by a mutual friend.

You quickly crafted a ren

to work closely with her.

You collaborated

on designs for T-shirts.

You became good friends,

real friends with inside

jokes and clear recollection

of the intricacies of each other's

body odor even when apart.

You were, from the very moment

you laid your eyes inside her eyes,

intensely attracted to her.

You don't have much self-control and

you acted clearly on this attraction.

Let's say that for a good while,

she entertained your flirtatious advances

with the timbre and grace of someone

with mutual romantic feelings.

Let's say that this went on for

between four to eight week,

and during this time facilitated

a concrete attachment,

grounded in a sincere care for this

young lady's wellbeing and peace of min.

This care and concern,

possibly one-sided,

but at the least entertad

by her words and actions,

went unchecked and

flourished in a direction

clearly departing the platonc

in pursuit of the romantic.

One evening,

maybe not at the height

of the aforementioned

flourishing,

but at some point

when it was steadily growi,

let's say this young lady

friend reveals to you

that she is engaged in an

exclusive romantic relationship

with a young man whom

she has described to you

as both charismatic and caring.

She directly tells you that his charisma

only kees her periodically content,

and he is thus forced to compensate

for this in a variety of ways.

Also, from both her complaints and your

observations of their relationship,

you note that although

you are completely differet

from this young man in both

sensibility and style,

you are likely to meet a similar,

if not identical fate.

When she tells you this, you perform

some simple arithmetic and conclude

that she has been withholdg

this information from you

for between four

and eight weeks.

Let's say that in one of your

moments of acute self-awareness,

you admit to yourself

that you knew all along..

...about her

exclusive romantic relationship.

She was, indeed,

not adept at hiding it.

You, of course, chose to ignore it,

telling yoursf that her and her boyfried

must have an agreement

or understanding

that would allow for relationships

just like the one you have with her.

You told yourself

this was the case

no matter how implausible

that inference was.

Their relationship aside,

you focus on the fact

that you perceive her

to be attracted to you.

She has yet to say as mu,

but let's say that after

the initial hardship

that the news of her exclusive

romantic relationship brought about,

your rapport with this lady friend eases

back into the way that it was before,

and your relationship is now

augmented with quotation marks,

to illustrate the fragility...

...and moral destitution of the situation.

And let's say that this is the current state

of affairs when you experience this day.

Again, not the best of day.

You wake up slightly late,

you arrive to work late,

you to stay later out of guilt,

and subsequently you are late

for a course

you are enrolled in.

When you arrive,

the professor looks at you coldly and says,

"You should have been here"

You do, however,

manage to finish building and transporting

the last few pieces of your bed.

Unfortunately, the bed

does not function propery

because you made it out of pine,

which is a soft wood.

For the proper strength

required for a sturdy bed,

you would have

needed a hard wood,

like maple, oak, or mahogany.

Of course, you rush home.

Kids on the train often tease you

because of the length

of your hair.

You are amused.

You are shamefully dirty because

you have not showered, shaved,

or applied deodorant

in two days.

When you get home, you realize that you

have left your apartment in disarray

because you have

not had time to clean it.

You, of course, were planning to clean

for ths occasion with this lady.

You start to get settled.

You notice that

she has telephoned you.

Of course,

you telephone her back.

She tells you that she has herself

just arrived at her own home

and will not be able

to come and see you toni.

Now, at that moment,

given the aforementioned

circumstances,

how would you feel?

During your romance

wi you were reading a book.

The book tells the story of and

is trying to g

to fall in love with him.

This all takes place on a

reservation in North

What page is it?

90 something... Early 90s.

Okay.

It says...

"I felt him looking at me.

"It's what happens

with boys like him.

"Less said, more felt.

"He was bad at that

look exchange game.

"You always know when they

are looking your way,

"when if you return the look,

they are lookig directly the other way.

"The smooth ones either keep looking

at you, or subtly divert their eye.

"Boys like him turn away

because they can imagineu

"being wherever

they are looking.

"I was dancing, and in so doing,

"paying close attention to the

exciting realities of my flesh.

"Probably more attention than

"where on me

was exposed to the air."

That's right?

Yeah, that's the part.

Okay...

"Here on the res,

it was pretty easy

"for them to set up

a lot for the picture show.

"Going to the picture show,

along with the bingo,

"was maybe the only indulgence we were

afforded in Western entertainment,

"that and the firewater."

Have we ever been

to the movies together?

Uh, I don't remember

Hmm, so...

"The pleasant movies always

gave soft edges to things

"and had colors placed

in locales unfamiliar to.

"Yellow roses, bright brown eyes,

stark white pigeon.

"Being around him

may have been like stepping

"into one of

those displayed worl,

"with fantastil displaced colos

"and no knowledge of what

might or should happen

"Nevertheless,

there, in the pictures,

"he was entirely in contro.

"And another thing,

our interaction amounted to glance.

"Portions of fractios of seconds

"that inspired thoe unfortunately girl,

vivid daydreams

"that we tend to get when someone of

consequee invades our sight line.

"Meeting to growing

to marriage to famil,

"only a moment in real I,

but a lifetime in my min.

"It occurred to me that at some point,

he's going to get me.

"My social status as the

beautiful and educated

"but not intensey Christian one

"affords me certain

permissis in behavior.

"I can stand closer to peop,

"breastfeed my son or anyone

else's child in the open air,

"and stare at people withot seeming

rude or mal-intentioned in any way.

"So after I had danced,

I was left to people-watch.

"It was then that I caught myself

consuming him, strictly visual feasts,

"indulgence in

his details, details.

"Instantaneous swells of guilt

rose around m, and I blinked slow,

"so maybe when I opened

my eyes, he would be gon.

"I did. He wasn't.

"But now I had control

and kept my thoughts

"still, practical,

where they should.

"Because obsessions are futile,

"the dreams they procreae

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