An Oversimplification of Her Beauty Page #3

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never come to fruition.

"Why do they stay fiction?

"'Why don't they come

to fruition?' you as?

"Well, realism,

pessimism, and cynicism

"are so much safer

than the alternative.

"You avoid disappointment by not indulging

in your yet to be experienced desires.

"But you do disable

your dres in so doing.

"Their nature is

a cause-and-effect thing.

"You must free them

to work on you,

"and only then will they

oblige yu and come true.

"However, had I ben able to stand it,

consumed him longe,

"I would have come

to the opposite conclusion,

"but they were

just glances."

No. Well,

this is not the...

I thought you was

looking for a Lucille.

But... Someone...

One of May's children.

But, no.

Maybe you have the wrong number.

No, but feel free to call back.

Whoever you're looking for might

be coming here, I don't know.

But who.

But I can't understand who

you say you're looking for.

Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

"Pessimism, practicality,

cynicism, realism, comfort zones,

"I'm actually

against all these things.

"But at least with him,

I still act on them."

No, none of this is like me.

Would you feel vexed?

Slightly irk, confused or confuddled?

Exasperated? Displeased?

Remorseful?

Worn or withered?

Heartbroken? Defeated?

Piled upon? Suckered?

Cheated? Discarded?

Unloved?

Envious? Enraged? Ignore?

Small? Tiny? Microscopic?

Atomic? Quantum? Eternal?

Embarrassed?

Indecisive? Ashamed?

Amused?

Indifferent? Enamored?

Take a moment to ascertain

how you would feel

if these things happened to you.

Why would you feel these ways?

Close your eyes and track the

source of the feelings. Go on.

"Pain," you say?

A subtle pain? Interesting...

Maybe you are feeling the pain

that lies in the void

between expectations

and reality.

Maybe the unnamable emotn

you are feeling that eveg

is, as emotions tend to be,

entirely irrational.

An organism without reason.

Insecurity, for instance,

that parasite

has got the best of you.

This series of events is not the

cause of your momentary feeling.

It cannot be that.

Consider the emotions.

What actually happend

is not important.

What you must take note of

is the self-doubt,

the void between who you actually

are and who you think you ar.

The void between how you actually

feel and how she thinks you fee.

The void between your perception

of your capacity to love

and your actual skill set

in this regard.

Maybe it's your

self-assuredness.

You have an extraordinary

amount of faith

in the fidelity

of your expectations.

Emotions should be expressed.

If the cause of your momentary

feelings are simply irrational emotio,

you need to release them,

let them go.

Write out the events

of the evening in detail.

Review the details,

consider their absurdity,

connect your emotional se

to a series of actions

performed by people

whom you can blame.

Blame yourself, blame he.

Debunk the rationality

of these connections.

Sleep, wake up,

draw a few images

that illustrate how you feel.

Do not finish.

Draw until you feel lighter.

Write more, sleep, wake up.

Entertain the idea of calling her and

telling her you are madly in love with her.

Let the impulse pass,

cower from it.

Most likely the heartache

from the previous night,

a physiological symptom of your feelings,

has yet to fade.

Allow this to amuse you.

It's funny

if you think about it.

The un-wielding grip your emotions

have on your physical wellbei.

What follows is a

brief exegesis in which we explain

the nature of your relationships

with those with whom you are in love

as of the completion

of this film.

You met Najja when she was born.

This was shortly

after your own birth.

Currently,

you do not see her because of the distance.

The aforementioned ambivalene

ruined your relationship.

You were at a time in your life where

you were incapable of being direct.

She was, at the time,

a far more evolved being than you,

and was repelled by both your

inability to reciprocate affection

and speak clearly

about your feelings,

no matter their implications.

You and Joy, although fuy in love,

have not attempd a committed relationship

because of the fact that you do not

reside in the same municipality.

However, you hypothesize that

the cause of your separation

may be more so because you are too

sure of the connection's viabili.

A commitment to a woman with whom

you are so intensely compatible

would leave you with

nothing else to search for,

rendering your distance from

her a product of your addiction

to the unpredictability of your

feast-and-famine romantic existence.

On a more pragmatic leve,

Joy may just not be that into you.

At first you think

you do not see Qrescent

because she is no longer

interested in you romantically.

Your ego pushes that thought from

your head, and you convince yourself

that the nature of her

relationship with her girlfriend

does not allow for you all to

maintain a romantic relationship.

You infer,

that she is in a blissful place, where

some combination of disinterest in you

and enchantment

with her new relationship

inspires her to maintain

an un-traversable

distance between her

and you.

Unfortunately, you have not mastered the

art of sustaining platonic arrangements

in the midst of

extreme romantic attract.

All of the rational you formulate to

explain her current disinterest in yu

is simply a way of

ignoring your many faults.

The armor of stoicism you

wear when you are in love.

Your inability to

commit in simple ways,

commit to visiting or calling,

commit to being honest.

Most of these faults played a large

part in the current state of affairs.

Her new relationship

and its blinding beauty

is an easy scapegoat on which to pin

the blame of your current separation.

You will concede to any rationale

in order to avoid the fact that

somewhere inside you,

you know that she may simply

not love you anymore.

Hey, you leaving?

Me?

I would never leav.

But I am shrinking

Kamo lives

on another hemisphere.

You long for the idea

that she longs for you.

She was your first.

You wonder what number

you are for her.

Kudzai lives in

another hemisphere,

and most likely has

forgotten that you exist.

In your non-existence,

your dreams take hold.

They are very powerful.

So powerful, in fact,

that you often miss things you never had.

You intensely miss your

yearlong courtship with her,

even though

it may have never existed.

Let's talk about reality.

There are elements of this hypothetical

situation that are tangibl.

They can touch you

and can be touched.

Unlike your emotions,

they are inescapable.

These elements are as follows.

Number one. You are

emotionally unavailable,

a symptom of the post-traumatic

stress of a previous relationsh.

How you feel is not a ret

of any series of events,

or an irrational emotion fabricated

in orr to distract yourself...

...from the necessity

of addressg your immaturity.

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