Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
NARRATOR:
There are manyplaces we could begin
the next chapter of the
legend of Ron Burgundy.
This is one such place.
(SCREAMING)
However, we won't
begin our tale here.
No, our story begins in a
place all newsmen dream of.
In New York City.
(UPBEAT RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
Ron Burgundy!
That lady's got an ass like
the Loch Ness Monster.
Thing is mysterious and
ever sought after.
Ron, aren't you going
to say something to him?
Hey, when you've got an
ass like the North Star,
wise men are going
- to want to follow it.
- (SCOFFS)
NARRATOR:
It was a time beforecell phones and steroids.
And for Ron and his
now-wife Veronica,
life was good.
RON:
The Tooth Fairy's exposedbreast made the child uncomfortable.
(CLEARS THROAT) The Bishop wore
buttless chaps to the bat mitzvah.
Bat mitzvah.
The garden gnome had
a normal-size penis.
(VERONICA WHOOPING)
Corningstone. Corningstone.
(DOING VOCAL EXERCISES)
(IN SHRILL VOICE)
Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no!
They're coming in through
the back door! Oh, no!
(WBC NEWS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- Oh, no!
- (SINGING)
Grab the children!
Save the children!
Five, four...
- Have a great broadcast.
- You, too, darling.
(MOUTHING)
Good evening.
This is the weekend edition of
WBC News at 6:
30.I'm Ron Burgundy.
And I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Our top story tonight.
The U.N. today announced
sanctions against...
When the broadcast is over,
send these two up to my office.
Time to make a change.
(DINGING)
Rumor has it that after 35
years of manning the helm,
Mack Tannen is thinking
about stepping down.
That's right.
(EXHALES)
Do you...
Do you think we could be...
We could be getting the
Nightly News, Ron?
I think that's exactly
what's about to happen.
Oh, my God. That's what's
happening, isn't it?
- I'm hyperventilating.
- Yes, I see that.
(HYPERVENTILATING)
Look at me. (LAUGHING)
Oh, you... Well.
I'm laughing like a
ventriloquist's dummy.
- You are.
- (LAUGHING)
Let's stop that before
we get in there.
Don't do that in there, darling.
VERONICA:
Mr. Tannen,you are an inspiration, sir.
I've been doing the evening
news now for over 35 years.
- Done a hell of a job.
- Yes, sir.
A hell of a job!
I've gone through four wives.
I have six or seven kids that I haven't
got the time to tell I love them.
To be honest, they
sound a little needy.
And I killed four men in Okinawa.
W.W. Two.
And that was two weeks ago.
The point is, this is
a very demanding job.
Yes.
But I'm close to thinking that
you may have what it takes.
Now, let me look at you.
Oh, my God.
Would it be wrong to say
you smell terrific?
- Ron, please!
- Okay.
What are you?
Finnish?
Oddly enough, I'm 100%
full-blown Mexican.
From the state of Oaxaca.
VERONICA:
No, you're not, honey.Hello, sir.
Oh, my heart is racing.
MACK:
Hmm.I just have to say, this is
super creepy and unorthodox.
You like-a da merchandise, huh?
Sorry.
All right.
We're about to make
network news history.
- Veronica.
- Yes?
You're going to be the
first female full-time
network news anchor.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Oh! I knew it.
And you, Mr. Burgundy...
I'm going to be the first
lactose intolerant anchor.
- Mr. Burgundy.
- Yes?
You're fired.
Come again?
Fired.
You are the worst anchorman
I have ever seen.
But what did I do wrong?
Name one thing.
(YELLING) Korean soldiers
were fired upon in the DMZ!
Oh. Jeez, I am so sorry.
Someone put the story
in all capital letters,
and I... I thought
I was supposed to yell it.
President Parter...
Ah, sh*t! (SIGHS)
I mean, President Carter
will speak at the summit Tuesday.
Tony, did I just curse?
Are you kidding me? Sh*t!
I mean... Sh*t. Shoot!
was eulogized... (SNEEZES)
VERONICA:
Oh!Oh, wow! Did you see that?
Right on the lens!
Folks, I'm sorry.
I hold myself to a high
professional standard
and you shouldn't hear
that language, okay?
Oh, f***-stick!
Now, I know this is tricky,
given your relationship,
so I'm going to give you the
evening to think about it.
I forbid it!
You forbid it? What?
Who are you? Julius Caesar?
Who the hell is Julius Caesar?
You know I don't follow the NBA.
Look, I am so sorry that
this happened, Ron,
but you and I,
we're partners, sweetheart.
And when something good happens
to me, it also happens to you.
That's ridiculous!
It clearly just happened to you!
You... Oh! Be quiet.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- WALTER:
Mom?LUPITA:
I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Burgundy.
He no go to sleep.
Damn it, Lupita, what have
you been doing up there?
Eating nachos?
Mommy? Daddy? Why are you
yelling at each other?
Did Mom touch Dad's hair again?
Walter, honey, why don't you
just go to bed, all right?
Mommy and Daddy are
just having a discussion.
No! He needs to hear this.
He's six years old. He's a man.
Walter, listen to me.
Life isn't a fairy tale.
It's not a bunch of jumping
rope and grabbing ass.
It's complicated. (SIGHS)
What do you want to
do with your life?
What do you want to be
when you grow up?
I want to be an
astronaut or a cowboy!
You're never going to be
any of those, okay?
Ron!
You've got to set the
bar a lot lower.
Service industry.
Fry cook. Prison guard.
Maybe you're a lighting
guy at a porn shoot.
Which basically means you hold up a
flashlight while adults do things.
He is a child, Ron!
Nah, nah, nah!
He's got hair on his nugs.
He's old enough to hear this.
Your father is a wise man.
I will lock you in a closet!
Veronica, here's the bottom line.
It's a very simple decision.
It's either me or the job.
It doesn't have to
be a choice, Ron.
Don't do this.
Don't throw away everything that
we've worked so hard for.
Me...
...or the job.
SEAWORLD ANNOUNCER:
Hello, and welcome
to the 3:
10 DolphinShow at Sea World.
Sponsored by British Petroleum.
B.P. Oil, nature's best friend.
And now, here's your host,
Ron Burgundy.
Good afternoon, everyone.
And welcome to
world-famous Sea World,
here in San Diago, California.
Here's a fun fact, dolphins
aren't fish. They're mammals.
Here's another fun fact,
I haven't felt the loving embrace of
a human being in over three months.
(SOBBING)
I'm so lonely I paid a
hobo to spoon with me.
Let's bring out our
world-class trainers here,
Jesse and Paula.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Thank you. Thank you, Ron.
Sometimes I try to kiss 'em.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, Ron Burgundy, everyone.
- I want to kiss you.
- No.
- Or I'll kiss your friend.
- No.
How about the two
trainers kiss each other?
What do you say, huh?
So, let's say hello to the stars
of the show, Chippy and Roo-roo!
RON:
For your information,Chippy was rehabilitated
and Roo-roo is an a**hole.
Ooh!
Look, they're swimming
and doing tricks!
Folks, what do you expect?
They're dolphins.
- (CLEARING THROAT)
- (DOLPHIN CLICKING)
What did you say?
Look at you, with
that permanent smile.
You think you're so smart,
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"Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/anchorman_2:_the_legend_continues_2820>.
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