Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #2

with your secret language.

You just fan' out of the

top of your head.

- (IMITATES FARTING)

- (AUDIENCE BOOING)

- You're a punk, Ron Burgundy!

- Boo!

Children and animals hate you,

Ron Burgundy!

I would eat dolphins

if it was legal!

Unhand me, you buffoons! (GRUNTS)

All right, first, you threw

up in the shark tank.

Then you fed the seals

a chicken gyro?

And now this?

You're fired, you washed-up drunk!

Guess what, Trevor?

Every morning I get

here a half hour early

and I sexually assault a starfish!

(GRUNTS)

This is the end of the road.

I'm not turning back.

(BARKING)

Well, I know it's

not a pretty sight.

And you're gonna be

the sole witness.

If you can't handle it,

you leave the room.

(SIGHS) It's too late, Baxter

(BARKING)

I'm going the way of

the ancient samurai

who, when dishonored, would hang

themselves from a fluorescent light.

(BARKING)

Goodbye, my sweet hairy prince.

- Oh!

- (GLASS SHATTERING)

(GROANS)

Oh!

Sweet cream on nipples!

Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Hello, I...

Oh, my God!

What the hell happened?

Um... Urn...

I tried to hang myself?

Because my life's a mess?

And I saw no other option?

I think you're telling the truth, but why

are you saying it like you're lying?

It was a call for help?

But it didn't work because I'm too

heavy and the ceiling lamp broke?

Something like that?

Yeah, I...

I think you're telling the truth.

I am. That's what happened.

RON:
Mmm. These are

first-rate flapjacks.

I'm telling you, suicide makes you

hungry, I don't care what anyone says.

My name is Freddie Shapp, and I'm

a producer of a new kind of news.

We're starting a

24-hour news channel.

First of its kind!

GNN. The Global News Network.

(LAUGHING)

That is without a doubt the

dumbest thing I've ever heard.

You mean news going 24

hours around the clock?

A channel that's never

off, in other words?

- Yeah. Yeah. Just 24 hours. It's, uh...

- (LAUGHING)

No offense, but you

are a stupid a**hole.

Mr. Burgundy, I assure you

we are 100% for real.

We've got state-of-the-art

facilities in Manhattan.

And Kench Allenby, multi-millionaire

and owner of Koala Airlines.

So glad he was acquitted of murder.

I'm a big Kench Allenby guy.

He's funding the whole network.

He believes in it.

I don't think you

understand, Freddie.

My hero, Mack Tannen, told me I was

the worst journalist he'd ever seen.

I'm not good enough.

Here.

This is your first week's salary.

By the hymen of Olivia Newton-John!

What do you say, Ron?

I'll take the job.

And I swear I'll be

number one again.

I'll take back my son,

restore my reputation,

and make everything

right with Veronica.

But more importantly,

I'm going to do what God put Ron

Burgundy on this Earth to do.

Have salon-quality hair

and read the news.

Ron... You've made my day.

I've got the best damn

news team in the world.

- Your call.

- I just have to find them.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

San Diago. Looks like we begin

our search right here at home.

Last I heard, Champ Kind was fired for

being drunk on the air and saying,

"The only Olympic sport Filipinos are

good at is eating cats and dogs."

(BAXTER BARKING)

(LAUGHS)

- Who loves chicken? You do!

- WOMEN:
We do!

(SINGING) Delicious chicken

Swing on through

Meet the crew, hoo-hoo!

I'm local San Diego legend Champ

Kind, and I believe in two things.

Good chicken,

and that the census is a way for

the U.N. to make your children gay.

So come on by and grab a wing.

'Cause when you do,

you'll say, "Whammy!"

No Catholics or Jews admitted.

All right, there you go.

One Whammy Special

with Whammy slaw.

There's a used Band-Aid

in my coleslaw.

My gosh, let me take care of that.

Get out of here before I smash

your head in, you Commie bastard!

If you're from the census,

you take me off your list!

You never did have much of

a bedside manner, Champ.

Ron? Ron Burgundy?

- Get over here!

- How are you, friend?

God, I have longed for you.

It's good to see you, too.

Oh, this feels like home.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. Better now.

Okay, let's break the

huddle here, huh?

- Okay. All right.

- All right.

You get back here!

Don't be weird!

CHAMP:
So, anyway,

Harken sat me down, he said,

"Champ, you're a dangerous

alcoholic, a racist,

"and I don't think you

know a lick about sports."

And I said, "Ed, you dirty Polack,

it's 10:
00 in the morning.

"Let's go have some drinks

"and go to a baseball game where

the Mexicans hit some touchdowns."

Then he fires me!

Fortunately, on the way out the

door, I fake a work injury.

With the settlement,

I bought this place.

Well, I'm glad to see you

landed on your feet, Champ.

Listen, can I ask you a question?

Sure. Anything.

Is... Is this chicken?

Oh, hell, no.

It's really impossible to turn a

profit if you serve real chicken.

Yeah. We use mainly bats.

- What?

- Yeah.

But the good quality kind.

That's the most horrible

thing I've ever heard.

Yeah?

You got to do what you

got to do, right?

So what you got to do

is serve fried bats?

Yep. Do you know

what they call bats?

- Bats.

- "Chicken of the Cave."

No one calls them

Chicken of the Cave.

Who's "they," by the way?

There's a guy I met named Paco,

sells bikers speed at the pier.

So that guy calls them

Chicken of the Cave.

Yeah.

That's not "they."

Why don't you have a bite

and stop judging it?

I'm not going to bite

into a fried bat.

It's delicious.

It's all tendon. Look at it.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Was that a bat?

Chicken of the Cave.

What brings you here, Ron?

My friend, we've got a job.

In New York City.

Whammy! I'm in!

You've got yourself a sportscaster.

Oh, great.

Denny!

Lock up!

Any idea where Brian Fantana is?

You haven't heard?

Fantana hit the big time.

Aw, baby.

Yeah, that's it, play for me.

Just play around.

Roll around and lift

those legs up. Mmm!

You are a hairy little

thing, aren't you?

- (BRIAN GROWLS)

- (CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah. Oh, I like what's happening!

Oh, that's it. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you little fuzzball,

that's... Oh!

- I got it.

- (ALL APPLAUDING)

It's not getting any

better than that.

- That's brilliant!

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Brian, you have any

time for the little people?

Well, I'll be a son of a b*tch.

(ALL LAUGHING)

- Hey, Brian.

- Champ! How you doing?

Hey!

- Wow. This is a...

- Cool it!

Oh, I can't believe...

Oh, wow. It's great to see you!

Welcome. Welcome to my doj'.

This place is spectacular!

- It's amazing.

- A bit chaotic today.

We got the Cat Fancy

cover coming out.

- You know how that can be.

- Ooh.

I've been living in a tent

for the last two years.

Oh, yeah, this is not that.

We got a sauna in the kitchen.

A lot of people think that's weird,

but I keep wine in it.

I'm not a wine guy,

but I know you got to keep it hot.

Oh, and check this out.

This... This was fun.

We shot this over two

weeks in Prague.

RON:
Wow.

You know what they call cats?

- Chicken of the rail yard.

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