Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #3

- No.

- What?

- Don't indulge him.

- Yeah.

- CHAMP:
There's a lot of meat.

But I love it.

(CHUCKLES)

And what's so great about

it is it's so damn true.

I hate Mondays!

I'm not a Monday guy.

Ron hates Mondays.

Hell, I'm not crazy

about them, either.

I also don't like Tuesdays,

Wednesdays or Thursdays.

(ALL LAUGHING)

So why are you guys here, anyway?

Well, Brian, we're getting the

news team back together again.

Really?

And, of course, we want to

know if you'll join us.

Jeez, I don't know.

I kind of got the world

by the tail here.

I don't know if I can.

Christ, I get it.

I mean, you're the Quincy

Jones of cat photographers.

Why would you leave all this?

RON:
Hey, Brian, I don't

know if you heard,

but New York has

all-nude strip clubs.

The question still remains...

Where's Brick Tamland?

Oh.

You guys didn't hear?

No, what happened?

Brick's...

Dead.

BRIAN:
Brick was lost at sea

- about a year ago.

- RON:
Oh.

Thought he saw a bird and

he swam out to pet it.

He never came back.

- (PEOPLE SOBBING)

- We all loved Brick,

even though he never

had a phone number,

or address or Social

Security number.

In six years of working at the

station, he never cashed a paycheck.

That sweet Brick.

ED:
He was a sensitive man, though.

He told me he wanted to donate his

organs to science before he died,

so he could see where

they ended up.

He'll long be remembered

and he'll be sorely missed.

(SIGHS)

Thank you, Reverend.

- Oh.

- Oh, come on!

- BRICK:
Brick was a great man.

- (SCOFFS) Really?

And I will miss him so much.

And I will not rest until

I find his killer.

- What?

- His killer?

It is hard for me to believe

that he is gone. (SOBS)

He's not gone.

(SOBBING) I feel that I

just saw him yesterday.

You were probably talking

to yourself in a mirror.

BRICK:
When I got the news...

(CONTINUES SOBBING)

I didn't even know how

to make sense out of it!

None of us understand!

(SHOUTS) Why? Why?

Why did you take him from us?

You're clearly standing

in front of us, Brick.

God damn you!

- Brick!

- Brick is dead!

- RON:
No, Brick's alive.

- Brick is dead!

- Look at him!

- He's not dead.

He's not dead, Brick.

You're not dead.

- You're Brick!

- Brick, it's you!

He's dead!

No!

You are Brick! Touch yourself.

- I am Brick?

- ALL:
Yes!

- I'm alive?

- ALL:
Yes!

- (LAUGHING JOYFULLY)

- ED:
Of course.

Of course you are.

ED:
Oh, for heaven's sake.

You kind of want to slug him.

You want to slug him.

(ANCHORMEN LAUGHING)

RON:
Do you remember our

Easter trip to San Francisco?

We got so drunk, we put

Brick in a refrigerator box

and threw him off the

Golden Gate Bridge.

I broke my back!

(ALL LAUGHING)

What about the time

that you dared Champ

to drink that beer

stein full of Woolite?

He drained it faster than you

could say, "No, don't do it.

"That's the equivalent of

drinking poison."

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, Lord, I was in

a six-month coma.

And they say from the

neurological damage,

there's no way I live past 55!

(LAUGHING)

You got three years

left, my friend.

You're gonna die!

Hey, hey, remember?

I was by myself and I had that

dream about the orange tree.

But instead of oranges,

it had babies on it.

It was a baby tree! (LAUGHING)

Brick, how could we remember?

It's your dream.

(LAUGHING) I don't know.

It's all the same thing.

It's an interesting dream,

but we're telling stories

involving the entire

news team from the past.

(BRICK LAUGHS)

Or how about the time when I was

born and I came out of the vagina?

(LAUGHING)

I was screaming, "Here I come!

Oh! Here I come, Mom!"

First off, Brick, I highly doubt

you remember your own birth.

And, once again, we weren't there.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Ron, I can't...

I can't stop laughing, Ron!

Put a pencil in his mouth.

RON:
It's okay.

CHAMP:
There you go.

I'm okay now.

Man, this just feels right!

The news team is back!

Ron, Brian, Brick, me, even Baxter!

- (BARKING)

- (LAUGHING)

That old man is so

little and hairy!

Hey, Ron, who's driving?

Oh, it's okay,

it's on cruise control.

Who wants some chimichangas, huh?

Best thing I ever did was install

this deep fryer in the 'bago.

Ron, why do you have

this bag of bowling balls

and this terrarium

filled with scorpions?

- Oh, it's a long, crazy story!

- BRIAN:
Hey, Ron.

Cruise control just regulates

speed, it doesn't steer.

- Come again?

- CHAMP:
Oh!

(HONKING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

(SNARLING)

(SCREAMING)

(RON WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

RON:
Well, that is gonna

make one hell of a story.

(ALL LAUGHING)

The Big Apple. Ron

Burgundy is back.

CHAMP:
Why do they call it

the Big Apple, Ron?

RON:
Because New York has

an apple tree on every street.

Here we are. Welcome to GNN.

I don't know, Ron.

You sure about this place?

Guys, I know it's a bit of a mess,

but trust me,

everything will be ready

for the launch tomorrow.

And we've culled the whole

country for the best newsmen.

There's Curtis

Knightfish from Houston.

Oh, Curtis Knightfish.

They don't get any

better than that.

FREDDIE:
And there's Diane

Yahwea from Carson City.

Diane Yahwea. You know

what they call her, right?

"All the Way Yahwea."

She's my aunt.

And the best in the biz.

Jack Lime, out of Chicago.

Rumor is Allenby is giving

him one mil a year.

That's crazy.

Who's worth that kind of money?

RON:
Oh, my God!

He's absolutely magnificent!

I bet his poop smells

like sandalwood.

Can I help you, guy?

(STAMMERS) What was that?

I said, "Can I help you, guy?"

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

What do you mean?

Well, you're staring

at me, hotshot.

Do you want my autograph?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

No, he was just explaining who you

were and I was looking at you.

And then he said something

and I was still looking at you.

(MUMBLES MOCKINGLY)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

Jack Lime is a great man!

(LAUGHING)

Is that what I sound

like when I talk?

(MUMBLES MOCKINGLY)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Is there a problem?

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no. No problem.

Well, you're making a face

like you got a problem.

Um, I'm sorry that I'm

making that face.

I don't mean to make a face that

seems like I have a problem.

I don't like that face!

You need to change it,

and change it quick.

Stop making that face.

Is this face better?

JACK:
Oh, I don't like...

Oh, that new face is driving

me crazy! Change it, now!

You're getting him mad.

I only have so many faces.

I'm just grinding your

gears, man. (LAUGHS)

Welcome to the station!

We're going to have

a good time together.

Oh, my God.

That's vintage Jack Lime.

Come on, guys.

Let's go meet the boss.

FREDDIE:

We'll have separate cameras

for you, and then sports

and then weather.

Let me ask you this, Freddie,

how's the new head honcho?

Well, Linda Jackson has

a shelf full of Emmys.

She's as tough as nails.

And Linda loves to win.

Oh, hey, Linda!

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