Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

NARRATOR:
There are many

places we could begin

the next chapter of the

legend of Ron Burgundy.

This is one such place.

(SCREAMING)

However, we won't

begin our tale here.

No, our story begins in a

place all newsmen dream of.

In New York City.

(UPBEAT RAP MUSIC PLAYING)

Ron Burgundy!

That lady's got an ass like

the Loch Ness Monster.

Thing is mysterious and

ever sought after.

Ron, aren't you going

to say something to him?

Hey, when you've got an

ass like the North Star,

wise men are going

- to want to follow it.

- (SCOFFS)

NARRATOR:
It was a time before

cell phones and steroids.

And for Ron and his

now-wife Veronica,

life was good.

RON:
The Tooth Fairy's exposed

breast made the child uncomfortable.

(CLEARS THROAT) The Bishop wore

buttless chaps to the bat mitzvah.

Bat mitzvah.

The garden gnome had

a normal-size penis.

(VERONICA WHOOPING)

Corningstone. Corningstone.

(DOING VOCAL EXERCISES)

(IN SHRILL VOICE)

Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no!

They're coming in through

the back door! Oh, no!

(WBC NEWS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

- Oh, no!

- (SINGING)

Grab the children!

Save the children!

Five, four...

- Have a great broadcast.

- You, too, darling.

(MOUTHING)

Good evening.

This is the weekend edition of

WBC News at 6:
30.

I'm Ron Burgundy.

And I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Our top story tonight.

The U.N. today announced

sanctions against...

When the broadcast is over,

send these two up to my office.

Time to make a change.

(DINGING)

Rumor has it that after 35

years of manning the helm,

Mack Tannen is thinking

about stepping down.

That's right.

(EXHALES)

Do you...

Do you think we could be...

We could be getting the

Nightly News, Ron?

I think that's exactly

what's about to happen.

Oh, my God. That's what's

happening, isn't it?

- I'm hyperventilating.

- Yes, I see that.

(HYPERVENTILATING)

Look at me. (LAUGHING)

Oh, you... Well.

I'm laughing like a

ventriloquist's dummy.

- You are.

- (LAUGHING)

Let's stop that before

we get in there.

Don't do that in there, darling.

VERONICA:
Mr. Tannen,

you are an inspiration, sir.

I've been doing the evening

news now for over 35 years.

- Done a hell of a job.

- Yes, sir.

A hell of a job!

I've gone through four wives.

I have six or seven kids that I haven't

got the time to tell I love them.

To be honest, they

sound a little needy.

And I killed four men in Okinawa.

W.W. Two.

And that was two weeks ago.

The point is, this is

a very demanding job.

Yes.

But I'm close to thinking that

you may have what it takes.

Now, let me look at you.

Oh, my God.

Would it be wrong to say

you smell terrific?

- Ron, please!

- Okay.

What are you?

Finnish?

Oddly enough, I'm 100%

full-blown Mexican.

From the state of Oaxaca.

VERONICA:
No, you're not, honey.

Hello, sir.

Oh, my heart is racing.

MACK:
Hmm.

I just have to say, this is

super creepy and unorthodox.

You like-a da merchandise, huh?

Sorry.

All right.

We're about to make

network news history.

- Veronica.

- Yes?

You're going to be the

first female full-time

network news anchor.

- Oh, my goodness!

- Oh! I knew it.

And you, Mr. Burgundy...

I'm going to be the first

lactose intolerant anchor.

- Mr. Burgundy.

- Yes?

You're fired.

Come again?

Fired.

You are the worst anchorman

I have ever seen.

But what did I do wrong?

Name one thing.

(YELLING) Korean soldiers

were fired upon in the DMZ!

Oh. Jeez, I am so sorry.

Someone put the story

in all capital letters,

and I... I thought

I was supposed to yell it.

President Parter...

Ah, sh*t! (SIGHS)

I mean, President Carter

will speak at the summit Tuesday.

Tony, did I just curse?

Are you kidding me? Sh*t!

I mean... Sh*t. Shoot!

The slain Civil Rights leader

was eulogized... (SNEEZES)

VERONICA:
Oh!

Oh, wow! Did you see that?

Right on the lens!

Folks, I'm sorry.

I hold myself to a high

professional standard

and you shouldn't hear

that language, okay?

I'm having a shitty day.

Oh, f***-stick!

Now, I know this is tricky,

given your relationship,

so I'm going to give you the

evening to think about it.

I forbid it!

You forbid it? What?

Who are you? Julius Caesar?

Who the hell is Julius Caesar?

You know I don't follow the NBA.

Look, I am so sorry that

this happened, Ron,

but you and I,

we're partners, sweetheart.

And when something good happens

to me, it also happens to you.

That's ridiculous!

It clearly just happened to you!

You... Oh! Be quiet.

- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

- WALTER:
Mom?

LUPITA:

I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Burgundy.

He no go to sleep.

Damn it, Lupita, what have

you been doing up there?

Eating nachos?

Mommy? Daddy? Why are you

yelling at each other?

Did Mom touch Dad's hair again?

Walter, honey, why don't you

just go to bed, all right?

Mommy and Daddy are

just having a discussion.

No! He needs to hear this.

He's six years old. He's a man.

Walter, listen to me.

Life isn't a fairy tale.

It's not a bunch of jumping

rope and grabbing ass.

It's complicated. (SIGHS)

What do you want to

do with your life?

What do you want to be

when you grow up?

I want to be an

astronaut or a cowboy!

You're never going to be

any of those, okay?

Ron!

You've got to set the

bar a lot lower.

Service industry.

Fry cook. Prison guard.

Maybe you're a lighting

guy at a porn shoot.

Which basically means you hold up a

flashlight while adults do things.

He is a child, Ron!

Nah, nah, nah!

He's got hair on his nugs.

He's old enough to hear this.

Your father is a wise man.

I will lock you in a closet!

Veronica, here's the bottom line.

It's a very simple decision.

It's either me or the job.

It doesn't have to

be a choice, Ron.

Don't do this.

Don't throw away everything that

we've worked so hard for.

Me...

...or the job.

SEAWORLD ANNOUNCER:

Hello, and welcome

to the 3:
10 Dolphin

Show at Sea World.

Sponsored by British Petroleum.

B.P. Oil, nature's best friend.

And now, here's your host,

Ron Burgundy.

Good afternoon, everyone.

And welcome to

world-famous Sea World,

here in San Diago, California.

Here's a fun fact, dolphins

aren't fish. They're mammals.

Here's another fun fact,

I haven't felt the loving embrace of

a human being in over three months.

(SOBBING)

I'm so lonely I paid a

hobo to spoon with me.

Let's bring out our

world-class trainers here,

Jesse and Paula.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Thank you. Thank you, Ron.

Sometimes I try to kiss 'em.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, Ron Burgundy, everyone.

- I want to kiss you.

- No.

- Or I'll kiss your friend.

- No.

How about the two

trainers kiss each other?

What do you say, huh?

So, let's say hello to the stars

of the show, Chippy and Roo-roo!

RON:
For your information,

Chippy was rehabilitated

and Roo-roo is an a**hole.

Ooh!

Look, they're swimming

and doing tricks!

Folks, what do you expect?

They're dolphins.

- (CLEARING THROAT)

- (DOLPHIN CLICKING)

What did you say?

Look at you, with

that permanent smile.

You think you're so smart,

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