Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #4

I want to introduce

you to Ron Burgundy.

Linda Jackson.

How are you, my friend?

FREDDIE:
Ron.

This is Linda Jackson.

Hello, Mr. Burgundy.

Oh. Uh...

Black.

- Black.

- Jesus, just stop, Ron.

I'm terribly sorry. I don't

know why I can't stop saying...

Black. The word "black."

Hello, Mr. Burgundy.

- Black.

- Stop.

Black.

Stop saying "black."

- Black. If I don't say it, I'll pass out.

- Stop saying it!

Uh, Donna, can you please

get me a cup of coffee?

- Right away, Ms. Jackson.

- Thank you.

- Please be seated. Everyone.

- Sure.

LINDA:
Please be seated.

Great. So I know that all of you

are aware that the news community

is laughing at what we're trying

to do here at 24-hour news.

But that is why they brought me in.

She's the best!

You see, gentlemen, I don't lose.

Listen, I feel like I

need to clear the air.

Oh, please don't.

I want to say, on behalf

of the entire news team,

we are huge supporters

of all African and Americans.

Veronica got so tan!

I remember the first African

and American I ever saw.

It's African-American.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Absolutely 100% positive?

It isn't like...

Ron... (CHUCKLES)

Fish and chips?

Hey, we're all the same on

the inside, stinky and pink.

When I was in high school,

me and my buddies used to sneak

in the girls' locker room.

We'd peek at the

girls in the shower,

and I'd look at all of them,

no matter what color they were.

So...

Jesus, this is the worst

meeting I've ever been in.

A black man follows me

everywhere when it's sunny.

Actually, I think that's

your shadow, Brick.

I call him Leon.

And if it's a cloudy day,

what happens to Leon?

He goes home.

It's your shadow.

He's talking about his shadow.

Shut your damn mouths! Sit down!

What's he doing?

I think you scared him.

You can't shout at Brick.

Is he all right?

Can you sing him a

soothing siren song?

Just a high melodic...

(VOCALIZING)

I'm not singing along with you.

Oh, come on, Brick. Brick!

Linda has a balloon.

You better get him a balloon.

Is this for real, Freddie?

Linda, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay! It's okay.

So you have a black boss,

and it's freaking you out.

Is it freaking you out?

- A little bit, to be honest.

- You freaked out?

- Is it freaking you out?

- Oh, she's got a knife!

I don't give a sh*t!

We're not all here to hold

hands and sing Kumbaya.

Black.

So as long as you guys get numbers,

we are gonna get along just fine.

Now, if you don't,

I am gonna be icy.

And unpleasant, you dig?

I dig. We all dig.

I like to dig.

One time I went digging for

treasure and I found a half a body.

Get out of my office!

I'm telling you, you can't give

an inch in those situations,

and I think we held our

ground pretty firmly.

Guys.

Guys, we got you an apartment

on the Upper East Side

and a whole new wardrobe.

That's wonderful! When do

we begin our broadcast?

Well, the big launch is tomorrow

- at 12:
00 noon.

- Okay.

You guys are slotted for the

2:
00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. slot.

What? That's the graveyard shift!

"I ain't afraid of no ghost."

Oh, come on,

it's going to be great.

Let's get your keys. Come on!

(PHONE RINGING)

RON:

Is there booze in the apartment?

FREDDIE:
Of course there's

gonna be booze. Of course.

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

BRICK:
It won't stop.

Sometimes it stops,

but then it starts again.

What are you doing,

Chani? Answer it!

Hi. Yes, let me transfer you.

Your job is to answer the phones.

I'm getting ready for Secret Santa.

When is that again?

It's at Christmastime.

When else would it be?

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm Brick. I was dead last week.

I'm Chani.

I like the place between

your head and your body.

I like your hair.

It looks like wet popcorn.

Thank you.

Would you like to see the smile that

I use when I pose for photographs?

Yes, please.

Do you want to see the face I make

when I see a snake made out of candy?

Yes.

That's good.

What's your favorite time of day?

Now.

What's your favorite time of day?

A minute ago.

Urn...

(CHUCKLES)

Surprise! Big daddy's back.

Ron.

What are you doing here?

I'm over at GNN.

I'm living in the city again.

I really wish that you

would have called first.

Look, it doesn't matter whose

fault the break-up was, okay?

I was stubborn.

You were like a mentally ill whore

having PMS from the 1800s.

What's your point, Ron?

The point is (SIGHS)

I'm back home.

And I want to spend the

rest of my life...

MAN:
Honey, who is it?

Hi, Ron. I'm Gary,

Veronica's lover.

So, is that a gift for me, Ron?

No, it's not.

It's for Walter.

Okay.

So when were you going

to tell me about Gary?

Ron. You walked out on me.

What did you expect me to do?

Ron. This is awkward, I know.

I'm sitting here with your wife.

We make love.

I'm this close to shooting

a flare gun at your dick.

Oh, Ron!

So what does this Gary

do for a living, huh?

Have you done a

background check on him?

Gary is actually

one of the most successful psychologists

in all of Manhattan, Ron.

Really sweet.

Are you reading my mind right now?

Ron, do you even know

what a psychologist is?

(QUIETLY) F*** you.

(GASPS) Ron!

- GARY:
It's okay.

- VERONICA:
You stop that!

He's externalizing. That's okay.

- No, it's not okay.

- He's mad.

You knew I was going to throw that

punch 'cause you're reading my mind!

(DOOR OPENS)

Morn! I'm home!

- Hey, little guy.

- Hey, darling.

- Hi, Walter.

- Hey, Dad.

I missed you!

Walter, your father

has a gift for you.

I have a gift specifically

for you, Walter.

There you go.

Yes, Gary.

Okay, that's actually

for me, Walter.

No, it's not. It's for Walter.

It's a superhero costume.

What is it?

It's "Lace Man."

It's a brand new superhero.

I'm going to be Lace Man!

Look, Ron. Joint

custody isn't easy.

But what we need to do is rally around

this little guy right now, okay?

That's never gonna happen.

- Oh...

- Excuse me?

Because you, Veronica,

are unfit to be a mother!

VERONICA:
Need I remind you that you

took that child to a cock fight?

- The game of champions!

- I'm Lace Man!

He had the time of his life!

He came home splattered in blood!

He picked eight winning c*cks.

It's never been done!

You have never tried

to connect with Walter.

(IMITATES GUN FIRING)

All right, let's keep it civil

in front of the boy.

It's bad enough his mother likes

to go down on rodeo clowns.

- Okay, you know what, out!

- All right. Get your things! Let's go.

Fine. I'm out of here.

- Don't have to tell me twice.

- Get your things.

- We'll see you guys later.

- Yes, you will.

Goodbye, Dad! Thanks

for the present.

Goodbye, Walter, my little man.

You promise to do

good in school, okay?

- Okay.

- And stay away from the he-shes

- Ron!

- down in the Bowery.

Ron, I don't think

that's appropriate.

I'll tell you, those fellas,

they got the looks,

they got the curves,

they got the chi-chi's,

and then at some point

during the evening,

you reach down below the belt

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