Anger Management
Hey, Timmy, get me a hot dog.
Hey, Dave.
I like your Dukes of H.azzard T-shirt.
Well, thanks, Sara.
I like your CH.iPs T-shirt.
-Thanks.
-Fun party, huh?
Yeah. Except for Arnie Shankman
being here.
Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!
I feel bad for him with his sister
losing her mind and all.
Whatever.
You know what we should do?
Play Truth or Dare.
-You want to?
-Sure.
Okay, l'll go first. Truth or dare?
Truth.
Have you ever kissed a girl before?
-Well, l--
-Family doesn't count.
-Maybe l'll take dare.
-Okay.
I dare you to kiss me.
Right here?
Yeah. I want everyone to see
that your first kiss is with me.
Got any mustard for that cocktail frank,
butt-lick?
-David Buznik.
-Ijust landed in St. Louis.
-I hope you wrote my speech.
-I did, sir. I pulled an all nighter.
I look forward to this, Mr. Head.
Never been to St. Louis.
Thank you for allowing me
to come on this trip--
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.
If we finish our work,
l'd love to go to a jazz club.
Terrific.
-He hung up on you again, didn't he?
-Yes. Yes, he did.
He's a jerk. You came up with the idea
for the Husky Cat clothing line.
He didn't say thank you.
He should give you a promotion.
There's a creative executive position
that just opened up, so....
Bring that up on the trip.
You gotta stick up for yourself.
I know. I'll figure something out.
I gotta go. Sorry.
I'm gonna miss you.
That guy's looking at us.
You know l don't like it when people
watch me kiss.
I'm sorry.
Take care.
Okay. Bye.
Dave....
-Have a good flight.
-Okay.
I'm sorry.
I think you're in my seat.
Come on, pal. I'm already settled in
here. Can't you sit somewhere else?
You're supposed to sit in the seat
they assigned you.
Nobody cares. Just sit in the seat
l'm supposed to sit in.
Excuse me. This seat's available.
Okay. Thank you.
You're very welcome.
No air.
That's too bad, huh?
You're on my side of the armrest.
We're not gonna have problems,
are we?
No.
You gotta get a load of this, keed.
I mean, you like comedies?
I just haven't been sleeping a lot
lately so l was trying to catch some....
Look at this actress here.
What is your position
on breast implants?
This guy.
I can just watch the movie with you.
Excuse me.
-Could l get a headset?
-Certainly.
Thank you.
Probably make out
with my next boyfriend.
Oh, my God, it was disgusting.
Miss?
I'll be right there, sir.
Where's your headset?
She's busy right now, but it's coming.
For crying out loud. You're missing
important plot points.
Ma'am?
Could you give me a second, sir?
Excuse me.
Could l maybe get that headset,
please?
-Do not raise your voice to me, sir.
-I wasn't raising my voice.
Just calm down.
I am calm. I just want my headset.
a difficult time now.
If you won't cooperate--
I don't know where a headset
ties into patriotism.
I don't think so.
Can you come to the back with me
so we can have a talk?
A talk about what? There's not a
problem.
-The stewardess just keeps--
-Flight attendant.
ignoring me when--
Calm down.
I am calm.
What is it with you people?
"You people"?
Now wait a minute.
I don't mean you people.
I mean you people.
I will not tolerate any racist
behavior on the plane.
This is a difficult time
for our country.
I'm not a racist.
I just want to watch the movie.
I'm only going to say this
one more time, sir. Calm down.
I'm calm!
All rise.
-What do you think?
-Not guilty. It's a no-brainer.
Mr. Buznik. In case 723, assault and
battery against a flight attendant...
...l find you guilty.
I'm ordering you to pay a fine
of $3500.
Thank God you're okay.
In addition, to prevent
further acts of rage...
...this court orders you to undergo 20
hours of anger management therapy.
Anger management?
Oh, my goodness. Bobby Knight.
-You're in this group?
-Oh, yeah. This is my first day.
-It's my first day also.
Working on the anger problem?
Anger? lsn't this
Sexaholics Anonymous?
No. I think that's down the hall.
Well, the hell with this!
l'm going home!
Dr. Rydell?
You don't remember me, do you?
-I sat next to you on the plane.
-Oh, yeah, the headset guy.
-Good to see you again.
-Good to see you too.
That was a crazy flight.
to anger management for that.
Really?
Wow.
This is incredible.
You could sign this for me...
...and tell them l don't have
I can't just sign your papers.
I didn't do anything wrong.
You know that.
All right.
How's this?
Just hang for one session...
...so l can at least say
l gave you a proper analysis.
-Then l'll sign your papers.
-Okay.
-Shall we?
-Oh, yes. Yes.
So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days l've taken.
So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days l've taken.
And l was like, you know,
"Don't go there."
But he kept on about wanting to see
a doctor's note or something.
And l said, "Look, l'm seriously
serious. You don't want to go there."
But he kept talking and talking,
being such a nag...
...and then l just blacked out.
I blacked out.
And when l woke up, l was standing
over him and l was screaming:
"l told you not to go there!
l told you not to go there!"
How do you feel you
handled that situation?
Not as well as l could've.
Remember, Lou, temper's the one
thing you can't get rid of by losing it.
Now, Fury Fighters, let's say hello
to someone...
...who's joining our quest to get
the anger monkeys off our backs:
-Dave.
-Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Good news, l fed my anger monkey
a banana this morning...
...and he's feeling much better.
More good news, you won't have to
listen to those lame jokes...
...because l'm only here
for one session.
Dave assaulted a female
flight attendant in midair.
-Nice.
-I bet you beat her good.
I didn't beat anybody.
I touched a woman.
Liar. Bullshitter.
You're a woman beater.
You can't admit it because you're
a piece of garbage.
I don't know about all that,
but now l understand why you're here.
I'm here because l was verbally
attacked by my neighbor.
And l took a dump on his porch.
I guess you're better than me.
That's why you can't cop to your rage.
You're superior. He's superior.
-Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck.
-You're not ready. Hear what he said?
Let's introduce Dave
to some of the rest of us.
Girls, why don't you tell Dave
what brought you here.
I'm sure he'd love to listen
to what you guys have to say.
We always do.
-Come on, Dave. Join us.
-Okay.
Okay. Well, we're
in the adult film industry.
And we're lovers.
One day, Gina was having sex
with this Filipino guy Melo...
-...which was cool, it was in the script.
-Sure.
And then l asked Melo
back to the house with us...
...which is cool, because,
well, we like a little variety.
Variety's good.
So anyway, in the middle
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"Anger Management" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/anger_management_2874>.
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