Anger Management Page #2

of our session...

...l look up and l see Gina

kissing Melo on the mouth...

...which is not cool because it

violates our threesome code of ethics.

-Stacy bit my toe off.

-Then Melo freaks out...

-...and calls me a crazy skank.

-Nobody talks to my b*tch that way.

-So l stapled his lips shut.

-Here we are.

Well, we've all been there.

-I like him.

-Yeah, he's funny.

Not as funny as you.

I like that.

-All right, girls.

-Let it go. Let it go a little bit longer.

Walk it off.

Nate. Didn't we decide that you

shouldn't listen to the ball game?

Don't worry, Dr. B, it's just a regular

season game. Not important.

H.e missed the lay-up!

See? lverson just missed a lay-up

at the buzzer, Sixers lose.

Who gives a crap, huh?

I mean, it's just a silly game, anyways.

The anger sharks are swimming

in my head.

You gotta dunk that sh*t!

You gotta dunk that sh*t!

Listen to me. Stay with me, Nate.

Now, repeat after me, Nate:

Goosfraba.

Goos blah blah.

Not "blah blah," Nate.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

That's good. Slower.

Goosfraba.

How do you feel?

Better.

Good job, Nate.

That sound is a derivation

of an old Eskimo word...

...that mothers used to calm

their children.

-I see.

-Eskimos seem nice.

-They do.

-I think Eskimos are smug.

Hold that thought, Chuck.

So, Dave...

...tell us about yourself.

Who are you?

Well, l am an executive assistant...

...at a major pet products company.

I don't want you to tell us what you do.

I want you to tell us who you are.

All right.

I'm a pretty good guy.

I like playing tennis on occasion....

Also, not your hobbies, Dave,

just simple:

Tell us who you are.

I just....

Maybe you could give me an example

of what a good answer would be.

What did you say?

You want Lou to tell you who you are?

No, l just....

I'm a nice, easygoing man.

I might be a little bit

indecisive at times.

Dave, you're describing

your personality.

I want to know...

-...who you are.

-What the hell do you want me to say?

I mean, l'm sorry. I just....

I want to answer your question.

I'm just not doing it right, l guess.

I think we're getting a picture, Dave.

-Let's move on.

-Dr. Rydell, l'd like to know something.

Why is it that Chuck

thinks he can smoke?

I do whatever l want when l want,

you little Spanish fruit topping.

Honey, at least l didn't

make my aunt pregnant.

What are you laughing at, Dave?

Just laughing. I don't know.

I'm not laughing at you.

Were you laughing with me?

Because l'm not laughing.

Am l out of line,

or is this guy pushing me?

Well, how do you feel, Chuck?

I went from happy to angry, skipped

sad. Now l feel like kicking his ass.

Then we'll see who's laughing.

What? Think you're better than me

because you've got both your nuts?

All right, man. All right. Come on.

Come on, big boy. Pretty boy.

All right. Is it worth going back

to the penitentiary, Chuck?

-So he's laughing at you.

-I'm not laughing at him.

Goosfraba.

-Goosfraba.

-Okay.

Good job, Chuck.

That was really good.

Where's the coffee cake?

l was looking forward to it.

Where's the coffee cake?

l was looking forward to it.

I haven't been to the Actors Studio

in quite some time.

-I'm sure your audition will go well.

-Thanks. I hope so.

-Good night.

-All right.

-Thanks, Buddy.

-Bye-bye.

That was a little bit insane.

If l had to do 20 hours of that,

l'd end up killing myself.

Here you go.

Twenty hours in my class

would be pointless for you.

I agree.

I think l'm going to recommend

to the court that we double your time.

What do you mean?

Let me explain something.

There are two kinds of angry people:

explosive and implosive.

Explosive is the kind of individual that

you see screaming at the cashier...

...for not taking their coupons.

Implosive is the cashier

who remains quiet, day after day...

...and finally shoots everyone

in the store.

You're the cashier.

No. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen

food section dialing 91 1 , l swear.

I'm going to assign you an anger ally...

...to help calm you down

when you're losing it.

Chuck.

Not Chuck. Give me Bobby Knight,

or the porno girls.

Heard we're partnering up, huh?

-Yes.

-Here's my number.

Great. "You're going to die, b*tch."

Oops, that's a letter l'm writing

to Geraldo Rivera.

-I see.

-My bad. Here.

That's the number. Good. Thank you.

Dave and Chuck...

...working together as a team.

-It's a win-win situation.

-Yeah, feels it.

Dave's particulars.

I'll see you soon.

The Yanks are great this season.

Dave thinks they could beat Seattle's

win record.

Remember at Brown when we

saw Ron Guidry win his 20th?

Oh, man. He was on fire that year.

We could've been too.

Andrew, don't start or l can't

hang out with you anymore.

Sorry, it's just hard. I'll never meet

anyone as good as you.

You will. She'll be a very lucky lady.

Thanks for being my best friend.

Linda.

-Hey, Dave.

-Andrew.

Good to see you guys hugging.

How was the doctor?

Psychotic.

Well, did you get any good

promotion news from Mr. Head?

I wasn't able to talk to him

about that yet, but l will.

Not that crowded here.

You'd think it would be packed.

I rented the place. I figured it'd be

more fun if it was just Brown alumni.

Where'd you go to college again?

Trenton Community College.

You had a hard day.

Let me buy you a milk shake.

Later, Andrew.

--once you cast your line in,

so during retrieval...

...it'll help you to create a realistic

and a erratic....

Hey, Dave.

-Hey. Andrew, what's up?

-Not much.

You always try to simulate live bait.

Okay, they got fishing while you

go to the bathroom. That's nice.

Yep. Bass fishing.

Hey, he caught one.

Be aware ofyour presentation...

...and make sure that,

as you work it along....

Oh, yeah.

Congratulations.

Now that is a big one, folks.

Always a blast being with your friends.

It was a great night.

Yankees winning, beer and hot dogs.

Yeah, you like those foot-long

hot dogs, don't you?

So l saw your boy Andrew

at the urinal.

Saw his...

-...thing.

-You were looking?

Yeah, unfortunately.

So, now, did this guy grow up near

a nuclear power plant or something?

What are you talking about?

Never really seen nothing like that

before. Didn't it used to scare you?

I never saw it.

You never saw it?

No, l told you, l never slept with him.

Why, is it huge?

No. No. No. No.

It's actually quite petite.

I felt bad for him.

It looked like it belonged on a baby

and it had a funny color.

I bet he got a lot of snickers

in the locker room.

Like, "What the hell's that thing?"

When you're in a locker room,

you must feel good about yourself.

I do. If there are 20 naked guys

in there, l'm usually in the top 1 8.

-Which isn't bad.

-You're doing really good.

Thanks.

-Who's that?

-I don't know. Let me get rid of them.

-Hello?

-Dave, it's me, Chuck.

-Who's Chuck?

-Your anger ally.

I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood.

A very bad mood.

I was fired from my ice-cream truck job

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