Anger Management

Hey, Timmy, get me a hot dog.

Hey, Dave.

I like your Dukes of H.azzard T-shirt.

Well, thanks, Sara.

I like your CH.iPs T-shirt.

-Thanks.

-Fun party, huh?

Yeah. Except for Arnie Shankman

being here.

Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!

I feel bad for him with his sister

losing her mind and all.

Whatever.

You know what we should do?

Play Truth or Dare.

-You want to?

-Sure.

Okay, l'll go first. Truth or dare?

Truth.

Have you ever kissed a girl before?

-Well, l--

-Family doesn't count.

-Maybe l'll take dare.

-Okay.

I dare you to kiss me.

Right here?

Yeah. I want everyone to see

that your first kiss is with me.

Got any mustard for that cocktail frank,

butt-lick?

-David Buznik.

-Ijust landed in St. Louis.

-I hope you wrote my speech.

-I did, sir. I pulled an all nighter.

I look forward to this, Mr. Head.

Never been to St. Louis.

Thank you for allowing me

to come on this trip--

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.

If we finish our work,

l'd love to go to a jazz club.

Terrific.

-He hung up on you again, didn't he?

-Yes. Yes, he did.

He's a jerk. You came up with the idea

for the Husky Cat clothing line.

He didn't say thank you.

He should give you a promotion.

There's a creative executive position

that just opened up, so....

Bring that up on the trip.

You gotta stick up for yourself.

I know. I'll figure something out.

I gotta go. Sorry.

I'm gonna miss you.

That guy's looking at us.

You know l don't like it when people

watch me kiss.

I'm sorry.

Take care.

Okay. Bye.

Dave....

-Have a good flight.

-Okay.

I'm sorry.

I think you're in my seat.

Come on, pal. I'm already settled in

here. Can't you sit somewhere else?

You're supposed to sit in the seat

they assigned you.

Nobody cares. Just sit in the seat

l'm supposed to sit in.

Excuse me. This seat's available.

Okay. Thank you.

You're very welcome.

No air.

That's too bad, huh?

You're on my side of the armrest.

We're not gonna have problems,

are we?

No.

I'm wetting my Jockeys here.

You gotta get a load of this, keed.

I mean, you like comedies?

I just haven't been sleeping a lot

lately so l was trying to catch some....

Look at this actress here.

What is your position

on breast implants?

This guy.

I can just watch the movie with you.

Excuse me.

-Could l get a headset?

-Certainly.

Thank you.

Probably make out

with my next boyfriend.

Oh, my God, it was disgusting.

Miss?

I'll be right there, sir.

Where's your headset?

She's busy right now, but it's coming.

For crying out loud. You're missing

important plot points.

Ma'am?

Could you give me a second, sir?

Excuse me.

Could l maybe get that headset,

please?

-Do not raise your voice to me, sir.

-I wasn't raising my voice.

Just calm down.

I am calm. I just want my headset.

Our country is going through

a difficult time now.

If you won't cooperate--

I don't know where a headset

ties into patriotism.

Is there a problem here, sir?

I don't think so.

Can you come to the back with me

so we can have a talk?

A talk about what? There's not a

problem.

-The stewardess just keeps--

-Flight attendant.

The flight attendant keeps

ignoring me when--

Calm down.

I am calm.

What is it with you people?

"You people"?

Now wait a minute.

I don't mean you people.

I mean you people.

I will not tolerate any racist

behavior on the plane.

This is a difficult time

for our country.

I'm not a racist.

I just want to watch the movie.

I'm only going to say this

one more time, sir. Calm down.

I'm calm!

All rise.

-What do you think?

-Not guilty. It's a no-brainer.

Mr. Buznik. In case 723, assault and

battery against a flight attendant...

...l find you guilty.

I'm ordering you to pay a fine

of $3500.

Thank God you're okay.

In addition, to prevent

further acts of rage...

...this court orders you to undergo 20

hours of anger management therapy.

Anger management?

Oh, my goodness. Bobby Knight.

-You're in this group?

-Oh, yeah. This is my first day.

-It's my first day also.

-I hope this class cures me.

Working on the anger problem?

Anger? lsn't this

Sexaholics Anonymous?

No. I think that's down the hall.

Well, the hell with this!

l'm going home!

Dr. Rydell?

You don't remember me, do you?

-I sat next to you on the plane.

-Oh, yeah, the headset guy.

-Good to see you again.

-Good to see you too.

That was a crazy flight.

They actually sentenced me

to anger management for that.

Really?

Wow.

This is incredible.

You could sign this for me...

...and tell them l don't have

an anger problem if you want.

I can't just sign your papers.

I didn't do anything wrong.

You know that.

All right.

How's this?

Just hang for one session...

...so l can at least say

l gave you a proper analysis.

-Then l'll sign your papers.

-Okay.

-Shall we?

-Oh, yes. Yes.

So my boss, he was talking to me

about how many sick days l've taken.

So my boss, he was talking to me

about how many sick days l've taken.

And l was like, you know,

"Don't go there."

But he kept on about wanting to see

a doctor's note or something.

And l said, "Look, l'm seriously

serious. You don't want to go there."

But he kept talking and talking,

being such a nag...

...and then l just blacked out.

I blacked out.

And when l woke up, l was standing

over him and l was screaming:

"l told you not to go there!

l told you not to go there!"

How do you feel you

handled that situation?

Not as well as l could've.

Remember, Lou, temper's the one

thing you can't get rid of by losing it.

Now, Fury Fighters, let's say hello

to someone...

...who's joining our quest to get

the anger monkeys off our backs:

-Dave.

-Hi, Dave.

Hi.

Good news, l fed my anger monkey

a banana this morning...

...and he's feeling much better.

More good news, you won't have to

listen to those lame jokes...

...because l'm only here

for one session.

Dave assaulted a female

flight attendant in midair.

-Nice.

-I bet you beat her good.

I didn't beat anybody.

I touched a woman.

Liar. Bullshitter.

You're a woman beater.

You can't admit it because you're

a piece of garbage.

I don't know about all that,

but now l understand why you're here.

I'm here because l was verbally

attacked by my neighbor.

And l took a dump on his porch.

I guess you're better than me.

That's why you can't cop to your rage.

You're superior. He's superior.

-Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck.

-You're not ready. Hear what he said?

Let's introduce Dave

to some of the rest of us.

Girls, why don't you tell Dave

what brought you here.

I'm sure he'd love to listen

to what you guys have to say.

We always do.

-Come on, Dave. Join us.

-Okay.

Okay. Well, we're

in the adult film industry.

And we're lovers.

One day, Gina was having sex

with this Filipino guy Melo...

-...which was cool, it was in the script.

-Sure.

And then l asked Melo

back to the house with us...

...which is cool, because,

well, we like a little variety.

Variety's good.

So anyway, in the middle

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