Angie Page #4

Bagels.

- So, Noel, you like kids?

- Sure.

That's why I stayed one

'til I was 35... 38, 42... Hike!

- Sure, I'd like to have a whole rake of 'em.

- You don't say.

- What's the music?

- Jules Massenet. It's from a ballet.

It's all about a guy

and a girl... and death.

And death comes

to take the guy.

You know, death:

White face, black tights, bad attitude.

And the girl tricks death into taking

her instead of the guy.

- Hmm.

- Atta girl.

- This an Irish chick?

- Huh?

- She obviously ain't Italian!

- Shut up.

How you doin'?

Wow!

Hello.

You must be my 12:00.

So, what is this?

- It's an office.

- Yes, I see that.

Your machine said

to try you at your office.

You know, here I thought

you were an artist.

- I sleep with you once and now you're in a suit.

- I told you I was a lawyer.

Yeah, but you

never tell the truth.

Well, the lonely painter in the loft was

working so well, and people hate lawyers.

No, people hate lies.

So, is this really yours?

Maybe you rented it to impress me.

No, I rented the apartment

to impress you.

Let's make a system of bells. One ring,

you're full of sh*t; two, you're not.

Fine, so,

what do you do?

- I'm a fashion model.

- Bong!

- Screw you!

- Well.

- What I mean is, you're

far too intelligent. - Yes.

Good save,

but screw you anyway.

Never met a woman

like you.

I've met teamsters

like you.

Teamster ever do this?

Yeah, but I told him I was married

and that was the end of it.

Should I come back

at 1:
00?

How many times has

this happened to you?

At Dopodomani Plumbers

we guarantee...

Cut, cut, cut.

Vinnie, we gotta do it again.

You're doin' great, but remember

you're a little stiff.

What's the first thing

I said to you about the camera?

- "The camera is your..."

- My friend.

- Right. And it's never gonna

talk back to you. - Right.

Say whatever you want. Just

talk to the camera, nice, friendly...

All right.

Thanks.

- Okay. Ready, Vinnie?

- Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Ready... action.

- How many times has this

happened to you? - Cut.

- What's the matter?

- That smile. You know how to smile?

I'm not smilin'?

- Just dial... 1-9-1-0...

- No, no, no.

- What?

- Vinnie. Vinnie.

Just dial 9-1-0,

P-L-U-M-M...

- No, no!

- What?

Let me ask you a question. How many

times has this happened to you?

At Dopodomani Plumbers, we guarantee we

can lick any problem in one hour or less...

or it's no charge to you;

get your money back.

Just dial...

9-1-0 Plummers.

P-L-U-M-M-E-R-S.

- Vinnie, hand me a ratchet.

- Sure.

Dopodomani Plumbers, because you never

know what you'll find under your sink.

And... cut! It was great, Vinnie.

Everything worked.

- It was all right. Don't wanna look like an idiot.

- It was great.

- Can't help the way you look, but you

sounded great. - You're very funny.

- You know Tina? You'll probably like her.

- Yeah? She single?

- How much?

- Ah, $600.

- Thought we said five.

- Six.

- Here you go. Better look good.

- You look great.

- Come on, Ange, let's go. I'm hungry.

- So go eat.

What are you doin'?

Get outta there. We're done.

- No.

- What do you mean, "No"?

- Come on, let's go. Come on.

- No.

I have never been so humiliated in my

whole life. You didn't even see my face.

It's acting, Angela. Do you think the

guy in The Elephant Man said...

"I ain't gonna do this 'cause you ain't

gonna see my face"? Huh?

- Ow!

- Besides, your legs look terrific.

- And you don't spell "plumber" with two "Ms."

- It's somebody else's number.

- You did a good job.

- Thank you. You, too.

Thank you.

So, I forgot to tell ya.

- Took out a homeowners loan yesterday.

- Huh?

- I bought a house. - You forgot to tell me.

What, are you crazy?

It's the sweetest little place you've

ever seen on Eighty-fourth Street, baby.

- You're serious!

- Yeah! It's perfect. It's got a garage.

It's got a little room for the baby.

You should've seen it.

You're damn right I should've seen it

before you took out a loan on a house!

A whole house!

Ain't I supposed to live in it too?

Realtor said another couple were gonna

make an offer. I had to move on it!

You've been goin' places

with a realtor behind my back?

- Huh?

- Angela, you've seemed edgy lately.

I thought I'd look at a few

places, check 'em out first.

Do all the legwork

and then show 'em to you.

I never thought I'd have

to say "yes" to one on the spot.

All right, Vinnie, look.

I've been thinkin' about this so

I'm just gonna come out and say it.

I don't think it's a good idea

our gettin' married.

- I don't think we'd be good for each other.

- Angela, don't bust my balls.

- You see it first. Then if you don't like it...

- It's not just the house.

- It's everything, all right!

- Oh, here she goes.

- She's gonna try and be all serious now.

- I am serious as cancer!

It's not something you can

talk me out of, so please don't try.

You know what I'm like when I'm certain

and I am certain about this.

This is crazy.

Are you really that mad?

It's not crazy!

It's how I feel! I'm sorry.

Hey, where're you goin'?

I don't believe this.

I don't f***ing believe this!

Vin, please,

you had to see it comin'.

Goddammit!

Goddammit!

Get outta the f***ing way!

Hey, you

son-of-a-b*tch!

Vinnie, what the hell are you doin'?

Goddamn motherf***er!

Vinnie, cut it out.

Come on!

Jesus.

What are you doin'?

All right.

Now, say it

to me again.

I can't go out with you

no more, Vinnie.

You can't go out

with me no more?

You're pregnant

with my baby.

We're gettin' married

and you can't go out with me no more?

Angela, I'm gonna ask you a question.

And I need an answer.

Whatever you say, that's it.

No goin' back. No changin' your mind.

'Cause I can't take it.

Okay? I can't take it anymore.

Are we gonna get married

or not?

No.

Have you ever loved me,

Angela? No, really!

'Cause I don't

think so.

I mean, what are people

gonna think?

What are they

gonna say, huh?

You're knocked up with my baby

and you won't even marry me.

- They're gonna think I'm some kind

of f***ing animal. - No, Vin, come on.

It doesn't matter what people think.

You're a great guy.

You could find somebody better

in like two minutes.

Like you

found somebody?

It ain't like that, Vin.

That would be better,

you know.

You just don't wanna

marry me.

- Right?

- Yeah.

- Hello?

- Hey, Noel, it's Angie.

Listen, I got somethin'

I gotta tell ya.

Yeah? I got something to tell you too.

No bullshit, two bells.

Me first. My bell's louder.

My bell's Big Ben.

- You sittin'?

- Sure.

Maybe that's not enough.

Maybe you better, like, get into bed.

- What is it?

- I'm pregnant.

It's not yours.

It's from before I met you.

Oh.

So, are we still on for dinner

on Friday?

You're okay, Noel.

Whoever you are.

What'd you have

to tell me?

You're not gonna believe this, but,

uh, I'm pregnant too, and it is yours.

How's that

for coincidences?

Careful.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

What's his problem?

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