Angie Page #5

- Where are we?

- Right over here.

Thank God we're on the aisle.

I gotta pee every five minutes.

Quit whinin'

about your broken water!

I've had these tickets for six months

and we're not leaving now!

I'll be fine.

That's a Jet Lift.

- That's a Sissone Lanc.

- Would you get over yourself.

Oh, look. That's called...

"Ouch, my balls!"

Is this... Is this good?

I mean, this is a great ballet?

How would I know?

Never saw one before.

I just thought

you'd like it.

I do.

What?

What are you doin'?

Makin' pizza.

Pizza don't come

on English muffins.

Vinnie used to love

my pizzelles.

You never really cooked

for him much, did you?

- I admit, I never sprayed his food.

- Very funny.

You laugh alone in bed

at night?

What are you doin'?

It's my breathing

exercises.

- That can't be good for the baby.

- It's Lamaze.

Fine. When the kid gets asthma,

God forbid, don't come runnin' to me.

- You can't be serious!

- Come on, I'm watching!

In my day, women did not need Lamaze

or VCRs in the delivery room.

They all had drugs.

They slept through the whole thing.

Really? I can tell you

there were a lot fewer Caesareans.

'Cause the mothers were all 22. They didn't

wait to get their careers goin' before kids.

Because motherhood was

a career, the most important career!

Yeah, well,

the pay stinks.

It amazes me how people who have never been

through it know exactly what you're doin' wrong.

- Angie! - No, tell her. She's always

on my case with little digs.

It'd be so much easier for me

if Vinnie were still around.

- I'm not gaining enough weight

for my height... - You're not.

'Cause I'm eatin' sprayed food.

Two more weeks of this...

- That's enough! - Kathy, when you have

a baby come and talk to me.

Until then, don't stick your

nose where it ain't never been.

Excuse me.

- What? What'd I do?

- I hope you're happy now!

She has been there, Angie.

She lost a baby her first marriage.

- Didn't live an hour.

- How am I supposed to know that?

You weren't! You were

just supposed to be a little nicer.

You're supposed to treat her

like your mother.

I just don't think it's right,

the whole thing with Noel.

Don't start, please.

You see him, what,

once, twice a week?

- He never met your parents.

- Oh, yeah.

And you never talk about what's gonna

happen after the baby's born.

He's my vacation

from all that.

How do you know what kind

of father he's gonna be?

When I was pregnant, all

Jerry ever talked about...

was how he was gonna teach

the kids stick ball.

I guess they can't

all be Jerry, huh?

I'm sorry.

Could we just do this please?

Yeah, sure. Except you're eatin'

the whole focal point.

I ain't using this

as no focal point.

Ain't you got

something else?

- You gonna bring a roll of cookie

dough in the delivery room? - Why not?

- Maybe, I don't know.

- What've you got?

How 'bout this?

I bet this will give you something to

concentrate on when you're in labor!

If I had this,

I wouldn't be in labor.

- Give it to me. I need it!

- It's mine now!

Hey, you ready?

I got the kids waitin' in the car.

What the hell

is so funny?

- Nothing. We were just talkin' about

Tina's old boyfriend. - He was so plastic!

Finish it on the phone, will ya?

It's all you do anyway.

F***in' $100 phone bills. And those

calls ain't mine, you know that, Teen.

- Why not? You're the only one who's home

all day. - That's real nice. That's...

What the hell is this?

Well, well, well!

- You girls havin' a little afternoon

delight, huh? - Yeah.

When did you pull this out

of mothballs?

When she realized at least

that thing made noise in bed.

She only got this in the first place

because I wouldn't f*** her.

Jerry, if I was her, I wouldn't f*** you

with a rented vagina.

You got some mouth.

No wonder Vinnie dumped you.

What the f*** is this?

A body block from Petunia Pig?

- I can't tell. Which one of you two is pregnant?

- Shut up and let's go.

Don't tell me to shut up.

You just can't take I'm the only one

who tells you the truth, Teen.

- You're a real saint. - If it wasn't for me makin'

fun, she'd weigh 500 pounds.

- She looks great.

- Oh, yeah?

- Come here. What size is this?

- Come on.

- Cut it out! - Tell me what size it is!

Eighteen? Eighteen, huh?

- That's not a size, it's a voting age.

- Get out of my f***ing house!

Ooh! What a pair of ladies

we got here.

Little Miss Toilet Mouth

and Orchid, the Killer Whale.

Let's just go, okay?

I'm sorry, Angie.

What are you sorry for?

Don't you apologize for me!

- Get your f***in' hands off her!

- I know the two of you are get up to!

Talk about what a f***in' loser

I am! How I can't find a f***in' job!

Well, your kid's

gonna be a bastard!

And who the hell do you think's gonna

put up with you except a loser like me?

Dad, leave her alone.

I told you guys

to stay in the car!

Okay, go, go, go.

- You fuckhead!

- Yeah, tell it to your gynecologist.

Go to sleep.

I'll get you right now.

Noel! Noel!

Noel.

- Hi.

- Hey, happy Christmas.

- Where ya been?

- My plane was late. Where's Angie?

She's not ready. Come here.

I'll get you a drink.

All right, everybody. If you could clear

the dance floor please.

Thank you.

Tonight we have a very

special visitor...

- straight from the North Pole.

- Yeah.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Ho-ho-ho.

Merry Christmas.

- Is that who I think it is?

- Yes.

- Okay, Tony, give me a hand.

- You goin' up there?

All right.

- Give me your hand.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I got a special one

for you, baby.

# Santa Claus

is coming to town #

Yeah!

# He's making a list

He's checking it twice

# He's gonna find out

who's naughty or nice #

Oh, Angie!

# Santa Claus

is coming to town #

# He sees you

when you're sleeping

# He knows when

you're awake #

Whoo!

# He knows if you've been bad or good #

- Whoa!

# So be good

for goodness sakes #

Angie. Oh, my God, Angie.

Oh, my God, it's the baby!

Yeah. Don't worry.

I took care of it.

Keep breathing.

Take it easy.

Hang in there.

- You're gonna be all right. - Excuse me, she's

having a baby. Where's Maternity?

- Fifth.

- Five. Fifth floor.

- Oh, I'm having another...

- Gimme the chair.

- Come on. In your nose, out of your mouth.

- You're okay.

- Thank you. Sit down.

- Got a chair right behind you.

In your nose, out of your mouth.

You gotta breathe.

In... good.

Out... good, Angela.

- Here we go. Here we go.

- In... out.

Tony, she's preregistered.

Check her in, please.

- Name?

- Angie Scaci...

Uh, Scacca... How do

you pronounce Angie's last name?

- Where's Dr. Gould?

- Maybe he's stuck in traffic.

- I hope he gets here soon.

Are you the coach? - I'm the coach.

Only the coach is allowed on the L.D.R.

Out of the way. Orderly!

- Stay with me. Don't leave me!

- I can't.

He's gonna be there when you get out.

I'm right here.

- Breathe, Angie.

- That's a girl.

You're doing great.

Hold on.

I'm comin'.

- One, two, three.

- Where am I goin'?

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