Annie Hall Page #9

And Alvy's:
I wonder what she looks like naked?

ANNIE:

Aesthetic criteria? You mean, whether

it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him. Hang in there

ALVY:

The-the medium enters in as a condition

of the art form itself. That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

ANNIE:

Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean,

it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you

know. I mean, I just try to uh, feel

it, you know? I try to get a sense of

it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

ALVY:

Still, still we- You need a set of

aesthetic guide lines to put it in

social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio. Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping. The sounds of

distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace. Annie, laughing,

speaks first.

ANNIE:

Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess-I

guess you must be sorta late, huh?

ALVY:

You know, I gotta get there and begin

whining soon ... otherwise I- Hey ...

well, are you busy Friday night?

ANNIE:

Me? Oh, uh.

(Laughing)

No.

ALVY:

(Putting his band on his forehead)

Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have

something. Well, what about Saturday

night?

ANNIE:

(Nodding)

Oh ... nothing. Not-no, no!

ALVY:

Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

ANNIE:

(Laughing)

I know.

ALVY:

Gee, boy, what do you have? You have

plague?

ANNIE:

Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks,

you know-

ALVY:

Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

ANNIE:

(Overlapping)

-what I mean?

ALVY:

I think that's, uh-

ANNIE:

(Interrupting)

But I'm thinking about getting some

cats, you know, and then they ... Oh,

wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean

(Laughing)

oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm

gonna-

(Laughing)

gonna sing. Yeah.

ALVY:

You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well,

no, it isn't

(Overlapping)

No kidding?

(Overlapping)

-this is my first time. Oh, really? Where?

I'd like to come.

(Laughing)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested!

ANNIE:

(Laughing)

Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning

sort of at club. I don't-

ALVY:

(Overlapping)

No, so help me.

ANNIE:

(Overlapping)

-it's my first time.

ALVY:

That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what

that's like. Listen-

ANNIE:

(Interrupting)

Yeah.

ALVY:

(Overlapping)

-you're gonna like night clubs, they're

really a lotta fun.

INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her. A

Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness. There

are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low conversation,

curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters

clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.

EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk.

ANNIE:

I was awful. I'm so ashamed! I can't

sing.

ALVY:

Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad

restless.

ANNIE:

Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh,

my God, I mean, they hated me.

ALVY:

No, they didn't. You have a wonderful

voice.

ANNIE:

No, I'm gonna quit!

ALVY:

No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a

great voice.

ANNIE:

Really, do you think so, really?

ALVY:

Yeah!

ANNIE:

Yeah?

ALVY:

It's terrific.

ANNIE:

(Overlapping)

Yeah, you know something? I never even

took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Alvy turns Annie around to face him.

ALVY:

Hey, listen, listen.

ANNIE:

What?

ALVY:

Gimme a kiss.

ANNIE:

Really?

ALVY:

Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna

go home later, right?

ANNIE:

Yeah.

ALVY:

And-and uh, there's gonna be all that

tension. You know, we never kissed before

and I'll never know when to make the right

move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll

get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?

ANNIE:

Oh, all right.

ALVY:

And we'll digest our food better.

ANNIE:

Okay.

ALVY:

Okay?

ANNIE:

Yeah.

They kiss.

ALVY:

So now we can digest our food.

They turn and start walking again.

ANNIE:

We can digest our-

ALVY:

Okay. Yeah.

INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth. The deli is fairly well lit and crowded.

Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue. The waiter

comes over to them to take their order.

ALVY:

(To the waiter)

I'm gonna have a corned beef.

ANNIE:

(To the waiter)

Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a

pastrami on white bread with, uh,

mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce.

(Alvy involuntarily makes a face

as the waiter leaves)

Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you

and, uh, were you depressed about that?

ALVY:

Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't

cure.

ANNIE:

Oh. And your first wife was Allison?

ALVY:

My first... Yes, she was nice, but you

know, uh, it was my fault. I was just...

I was too crazy.

ANNIE:

Oh.

INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

ANNIE:

M'm, that was so nice. That was nice.

ALVY:

As Balzac said ...

ANNIE:

H'm?

ALVY:

"There goes another novel."

(They laugh)

Jesus, you were great.

ANNIE:

Oh, yeah?

ALVY:

Yeah.

ANNIE:

Yeah?

ALVY:

Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

ANNIE:

No.

(She turns and looks at Alvy,

then laughs)

You're a wreck.

ALVY:

Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play

the piano again.

ANNIE:

(Lighting a joint and laughing)

You're really nuts. I don't know, you

really thought it was good? Tell me.

ALVY:

Good? I was-

ANNIE:

(Overlapping)

No.

ALVY:

No, that was the most fun I've ever

had without laughing.

ANNIE:

(Laughing)

Here, you want some?

ALVY:

No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any

major hallucinogenics because I took

a puff like five years ago at a party and

ANNIE:

Yeah?

ALVY:

-tried to take my pants off over my

head ...

(Annie laughs)

... my ear.

ANNIE:

Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I

don't do it very often, you know, just

sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

ALVY:

M'hm.

(He pushes himself up from the

bed and looks down at Annie)

You're not gonna believe this, but-

ANNIE:

What? What?

CUT TO:

INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore. Alvy, carrying two books,

"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to where

Annie is looking.

ALVY:

Hey?

ANNIE:

H'm?

ALVY:

I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I

think, because I-I think you should

read them. You know, instead of that

cat book.

ANNIE:

(Looking at the books Alvy

is bolding)

That's, uh ...

(Laughing)

that's pretty serious stuff there.

ALVY:

Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm,

I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death,

I think. Big-

ANNIE:

(Overlapping)

Yeah?

ALVY:

-big subject with me, yeah.

ANNIE:

Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

ALVY:

(Gesturing)

I've a very pessimistic view of life.

You should know this about me if we're

gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that

life is-is divided up into the horrible

and the miserable.

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