Annie Oakley Page #3

We'd pay you good money.

Just think of it, Annie Oakley

in the greatest shooting act in the country,

billed right next to Toby Walker.

You don't mean he's going to be there.

Every day for the next two years,

rain or shine.

Mister, it's a deal.

Reckon the first thing

you'd better know about this outfit

is how I figure on running it.

This is a real Wild West show

with he-men doing the things

they did on the plains.

Now, if you're carrying

any sleight of hand up your sleeve,

you'd better forget it.

I want the real, genuine article or nothing.

That's what you're getting, Colonel.

And, naturally, I expect to get billed

right up there on top.

I don't suppose you'd mind, Walker,

if we put Buffalo Bill's name

on the posters, too.

Oh, I think that'd be all right.

No hard feelings, Colonel,

just a little friendly chat.

What?

Now, you wait here

until I break the news to the Colonel.

- I hope he likes me.

- How could he help it?

Well, you old horse-thief.

About time you turned up.

I'm sorry. I was a little delayed, Bill.

I should think you would be.

Probably ashamed to show your face

after sending me that New York buckaroo.

Who? Toby Walker?

Why, he's the greatest shot on earth.

With the exception, maybe,

of a gunslinger I've just signed up.

Another one? Well, what's his name?

- Annie.

- Annie?

What in tarnation do you think

we're running around here,

a danged burlesque?

Calm yourself, Bill. Annie Oakley's

as good a shot as any man I ever saw.

Did I hear someone call my name?

Colonel Cody, meet Miss Annie Oakley.

Well, dog my cats!

- How do, little missy?

- Howdy.

And, Bill,

she shoots as pretty as she looks.

Maybe so,

but I never knowed any woman could

shoot good enough to join this outfit.

They say you're a mighty fine shot

yourself, Mr. Buffalo Bill.

How much you got says I can't beat you?

Well, bust my buttons,

how much you got says you can?

Say, now, hold on, wait a minute.

With a woman

who can outshoot most men,

why, she'd soon be

the greatest attraction in our show.

Maybe you're right.

But how would it look on the billing?

"Buffalo Bill's blood-curdling

Wild West show

"with the dainty Annie Oakley."

You know, Bill, you're a downright

chicken-liver when it comes to women.

No, it ain't that, Jeff. It's...

Well, it's the boys.

To tell you the truth,

I ain't got the gumption

to go out there and tell them.

Well, you leave that to me.

Boys, now that we're all here...

What I mean is I've brought you

all together because...

Well, you see...

This is kind of in the nature

of an occasion and...

And I...

Well, boys, I want you to...

I really want you to...

You tell them, Jeff. It was your idea.

Well, I've got some good news

for you, boys.

The Colonel and I have decided

that what this outfit really needs

is an uplifting influence.

And what could be more uplifting

than the presence among us

of a fine, high-minded little woman?

Here she is, boys.

The newest member of our happy family,

Miss Annie Oakley.

That's all, boys.

- What could she do in a show like this?

- I don't like this, anyway.

Well, I can get a job with Pawnee Bill.

What could a woman do

in a show like this?

Come on, Annie.

I'll show you the papooses.

Yes, little missy,

we're all just one big, happy family.

Here we are.

This way, missy.

Perfume.

Dang it, you smell like Happy Minnie's

back in Omaha.

The Colonel's had me out there

sleeping with the horses.

Judging from the turnout,

I guess you boys see the light.

All right, fellows, what do you say?

Howdy, Miss Oakley.

Well, that sounds mighty good, boys.

Now, let me tell you something,

someday you're gonna be darn proud

to say you knew Annie Oakley.

That's right. Take it from one who knows.

Miss Oakley, I want you to meet

that old scallywag, Ned Buntline,

- my press agent.

- Howdy.

Howdy, little lady.

It's up to you to put her across, Ned.

You might even write her

into one of those dime novels

you write about the Colonel, there.

Well, sure thing,

if it's all right with the Colonel.

How's this?

When she was just a little tyke,

Bill, here, saved her

from Chief Sitting Bull's redskins.

Sitting Bull?

Why, sure thing, Colonel.

Sitting Bull's worth five cents

of any man's dime novel.

The papers say old Bull's in Washington,

calling on the great white father.

We've got to grab him, Jeff.

Great way to start our season

if we got him out the opening night.

Not to see the show, to join the show.

Well, that's tall thinking, Bill.

Why drag in a dirty Sioux

to mess up a good outfit?

He might forget himself

and saw off another massacre.

Surely Mr. Bull's learned some manners

since he chawed up General Custer.

Of course he has.

Besides, folks will pay good money

to see him.

Out in the woods, maybe,

but as long as you play

these eastern spots,

Toby Walker's the lad

who will pack your arena.

You can see for yourself, Annie, you're

in the safest possible neighborhood.

That's where Major Buntline lives,

that's my tent,

right next to Colonel Cody's quarters,

and that's where you live.

Oh, a chiffonier and flowers, too.

Oh, I do want to thank you for everything.

Don't thank me.

Mr. Hogarth, then.

Well, I thought a few flowers might help.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Good night, Annie. Sleep tight.

Good night. Good night, Colonel.

Good night, Annie.

Hey, what's this?

Hey, you. Razorback.

What's eating you, Jeff?

Listen...

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing an old bullwhacker like you

would understand. Come on.

The main thing for you boys to remember

is never get discouraged.

Why, when I think about

how I started in that shooting gallery,

nothing seems impossible.

Whenever the boss would go out,

I'd just keep popping away

until finally I was...

- The best there was.

- The best there was.

Nope. The best there is.

Whereabouts was this shooting gallery?

The Bowery.

- The Bowery!

- What do you know about that?

A Bowery cowboy.

Boys, I just had to make this jaunt

to show you western monkeys

how to shoot.

That bronc's begging to be busted.

Hello, cowboy.

Hey, what's going on, here?

A little change in the layout, Mr. Walker.

Mr. Hogarth's fixed you a place

all by yourself.

The other side of the buffalo corral.

Well, now, ain't that thoughtful of him?

Well, maybe I shouldn't let them

buckaroos sleep close to these firearms.

One of them might go off

and scare my little playmates.

Mr. Walker, I've been thinking,

I guess you thought I was sort of fresh

coming up to Cincinnati

to shoot against you.

Why, no, kid.

What put that idea in your noodle?

Well, I don't know.

You being Toby Walker

and famous and all that.

Say, there was the grandest picture of you

on the side of Lem Jordan's store.

- Yeah, was it really good?

- Move on, there.

- Who are you talking to?

- Mr. Hogarth's orders.

- Nobody's to annoy Miss Oakley.

- What do you mean "annoy"?

Nobody ever accused me of annoying a gal

when I was talking to her.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes