Annie Oakley Page #4

Them's the orders, Mr. Walker.

Oh, Mr. Walker,

you know that time up in Cincinnati?

- Yeah.

- I let you beat me.

That's it!

How do you like that, Colonel?

Not bad, Walker.

A little harder than potshotting

a herd of buffalo, eh, Colonel?

Yeah, and almost as dangerous.

Afraid she don't know how to sell it, Jeff.

Well, she hasn't had a chance yet.

Anyway, you don't see her missing,

do you?

No, but she's just a shooting machine.

No color to her work.

I'll be as sorry as you are,

but I don't think she'll make the grade.

Gosh, that looks just like him.

A little trick I was saving for next year,

but on account of the act

I'm doing is going so good,

I'm gonna pass it along to you.

That's mighty fine of you, Toby.

And I can do it, too.

Sure you can, and here's another one.

You take these and come on down here.

This one's a pippin.

When I say ready,

you throw them up high.

Both of them?

Throw them.

I'll bet I can do that, too.

Of course. You can shoot as good as I can.

All you need is color, showmanship.

Let me try it.

Oh, Colonel.

Get out of here,

you darned, sneaking coyotes.

Get out of here!

Close, Colonel, but no cigar.

Here you are, Bill.

Dad bob it, Jeff. Why can't I get a haircut?

Well, Bill, that mane of yours

is the biggest thing in the show.

You might as well have your head cut off.

What would the President

and the rest of the bigwigs say

if you came out like a shorn Samson?

And they're all here today, Bill.

Everybody that is anybody in Washington.

That's fine. What about Sitting Bull?

No cause for you to worry.

Ned Buntline's got him out there

as big as life in a front box.

Great, Jeff, that's great.

Go ahead now and comb out your curls.

Introducing Ogallala Slim

and his band of bronco-busting,

bull-dogging cowboys.

You'd like being with the show, Chief.

Travel all over.

Maybe you'll join, too, Rain-in-the-Face.

How old are you?

- Me?

- Yes.

- Ninety-four.

- A spring chicken.

Magnificent, huh?

Rain-in-the-Face, ask Chief Sitting Bull

how he likes the show.

What's his nibs saying?

Bull said, "All show no good like that,

he go home."

Thrilling feats of horsemanship

by Russian Cossacks.

What was that?

Bull say, "All show smell bad."

Do you know something?

The Colonel thinks

I'm not going to make good.

- Oh, I doubt...

- He really does.

I can tell the way

he's been looking at me, lately.

Listen, will you do like I showed you?

I've been practicing.

Introducing the world's greatest rifle shot,

Mr. Toby Walker.

Well, wait till you see this one.

He's gonna shoot a two-bit piece

right out of that fellow's fingers.

- What's that?

- He said, "Not bad for paleface.

"Bull can hit dime."

Introducing one of the country's

greatest woman rifle shots,

Miss Annie Oakley.

Boys, throw up five.

Five? You want to ruin

the only chance you've got?

I can hit them.

Tell Bull I'll bet he hasn't any squaws

that can shoot.

He don't want the squaw shoot,

he want the squaw cook.

All right.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Chief.

Wait a minute.

Will you wait a minute?

Don't be scared, Annie.

Bull is just trying to tell you

how scrumptious he thinks you are.

Goodness, I thought I was a goner

until you grabbed him.

What's the matter, Chief?

Annie, Chief Sitting Bull

has just rechristened you lpawa,

that means "little sure shot."

And now, a thrilling battle

between the Indians and the cowboys

during an attack on the immigrant train.

He says if you'll do this every day,

he'll join the show.

I certainly will if he won't do that again.

Chief, it's a bargain.

Hey, pal, take it easy. This is all in fun.

"Buffalo Bill's trusty rifle barked

and another redskin bit the dust.

"Riding like the wind, he swept

from the ground the beautiful girl,

"last survivor of the ill-fated wagon train.

"He spurred his mustang to greater speed,

"sending leaden messages of death

into the ranks of the foe,

"but the redskins, with fiendish screams,

still pursued him.

"Little did the doughty plainsman realize

that this tiny prairie primrose

"was one day to burgeon

into womanhood's fairest flower,

"Annie Oakley."

Ned, you're a genius.

Fifty thousand people will be wanting

to see her after reading that.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna bill her right up,

name for name, with Toby Walker.

Oh, Colonel.

So, I'm gonna be aced

out of my own act, huh?

Now, listen, Walker.

Colonel Cody and I

are still running this outfit.

Since you're asking for it,

I may as well tell you something.

When it comes to draw,

you're not quite the biggest thing out.

No wonder, with everybody else

getting all the razzle-dazzle.

Taking a green kid

and billing her up even with me.

Oh, now, please.

Mr. Walker knows I wouldn't do anything

to hurt his chances.

You? Hurt my chances?

Not you or anybody else with this troupe.

I'll still be headlining when the rest of you

are working in livery barns.

- Just one big...

...happy family.

Just a minute! Just a minute, Colonel!

There's gold in this domestic crisis.

I can see it on the billboards.

"Toby Walker versus Annie Oakley.

"Male against female.

"A titanic battle of the sexes

for the rifle championship of the world."

Ned, you're the thinkingest horse thief

in history.

Forty years in the business

and never lost a spangle.

Darned if this don't call for a drink.

Everybody back to my car.

I'm going to break out

a bottle of Old Crow.

I'm sorry, Toby.

If it wasn't for you,

I wouldn't be with the show.

I don't take it personal, kid.

Business is business.

Besides, I enjoy a brush with them

hairy-pantsers, once in a while.

Don't you worry. You're aces with me.

- Mad, Toby?

- No.

You're looking kind of mad.

Got on a new rig, ain't you?

Sure looks pretty.

- Gosh, it's funny how things turn out.

- Ain't it, though?

It seems like only yesterday

I saw your picture on the billboard

and Lem Jordan wanted to tear it down.

Why, the fellow must have been crazy.

He wanted to but I wouldn't let him.

Well, it's a funny world.

You looking at my picture on the billboard

and thinking I was so gosh-darn grand,

and now you...

Now you really got me.

- I got you?

- You sure have, Annie.

No other girl's got a chance.

But look we...

Look, we can't let anybody know

we're stuck on each other.

It's good show business if we even

let the company think we're unfriendly,

- pretty near enemies.

- Oh.

You think so?

I know the ins and outs, kid.

People will pay to see us

battle each other.

I don't care no more

who wins those matches.

- You don't?

- No.

I know you can beat me

and I'm proud of you.

Never thought I'd see the day

when I could stand that, but now...

Toby, I'm gonna tell everybody

how wonderful you really are.

Honey, we've got to give the folks

who think we hate each other

a run for their money.

Now, remember, you hate me.

Mister, I hate you to pieces.

- Hello, Lem.

- I got no time for you today.

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