Annie Oakley Page #5

Just leaving.

Looks like the whole township's leaving.

- What's going on? Lmmigrating west?

- Immigrating nothing.

We're going to Cincinnati to see the gal

that's making this county famous.

Now I know why they call him Sitting Bull.

I guess he wants us to share the sofa.

Thank you, Chief.

Positively, Chief.

He says you'd make a fine squaw.

You may know pretty near everything,

Toby Walker, but not Indian talk.

Anything nice about you, honey,

I'd understand in any lingo.

Toby, your tepee.

Annie, your tepee.

I savvy.

Two can live in tepee cheap as one.

Look.

Papooses good, too.

Hey, hey, hey, Bull. Take it easy.

That's the best I've heard in two weeks.

Mr. Maclvor, how are you?

Well, well, how fine you're looking, Annie.

She hasn't changed much, has she, Mac?

Considering the fact that she's become

a very famous young lady.

- And didn't I invent her?

- Sure you did.

If it wasn't for you, I'd still be

quail-shooting down on the farm.

And now, Mac, I want you to meet

a new member of our family,

the one and only Sitting Bull.

Well, you won't need that tent, Mr. Bull,

not while you're in Cincinnati.

Yes, Mac's invited us all to stay

at his hotel while we're here.

Oh, how nice.

We're advertising for the Maclvor House.

There'll be customers sleeping

on the billiard tables.

Gosh, it'll be great

sleeping under a ceiling again.

Ever since I joined

this hairy-pants outfit, I...

Walker, if you can't say something

pleasant, just don't say nothing at all.

I just told this little squirt a thing or two.

I'm getting sick and tired of pulling

my shots just to make her look good.

Pulling your shots?

Walker, one of these days

somebody's gonna bust that gas bag

you call your head.

Better cowboys than you

have tried it, Colonel.

Why, you lowdown,

yapping Bowery puppy.

What this happy family needs

is a good spanking. Come on.

Come on, Bull,

we'll get your stuff together.

Now, just a minute, gentlemen.

- Where do you keep them Indians?

- Well, the Indian village is right over there.

In fact, if you'll hurry,

you'll find Sitting Bull right at home.

They'll dig him a new home

when I get through with him.

Forget it, Dan.

Them Indian wars are all over.

Let me alone.

I ain't forgetting that I had a brother

with Custer at Little Big Horn.

Now, you Sioux snake, I'm gonna pay you

for one of Custer's boys.

Call them off.

You all right, partner?

A little scrap now and then

means nothing to you, eh, Bull?

Gosh, I wouldn't have wanted that blast

much closer to my peepers.

Well, come on, kid, I'll flag a hansom and

ship you off to a bulletproof hotel room.

Well, young man, it's not as bad

as it might have been.

Come on, come on, Doc. How about it?

You're suffering

from a form of corneal opacity.

You don't say.

A compressed condition

of the optic membrane, but don't worry.

- You'll be able to see reasonably well.

- Oh, sure, I can see.

Come in and see me again tomorrow.

In the meantime, go easy with those eyes.

What business are you in?

- Me? I'm Toby Walker.

- That doesn't answer my question.

I can see you're not

a patron of the theater, Doc.

- I'm an actor.

- Oh, an actor.

Well, you'll be able to go on

with your work all right.

- It's lucky you're not a bookkeeper.

- Yeah.

- Toby, darling.

- Well, well, Vera.

You sure look elegant back there

with all them explosive stogies.

You don't look pekid yourself.

Oh, I'm all right, I guess.

It was nice of Mac

to give you the job here.

Oh, he didn't lose nothing by it.

The smoke business has perked up some

since I took over.

Say, tonight's my night off.

How about a little supper after the show,

just for old times' sake?

Well, I'd like to, Vera, but I've got

a little business to attend to this evening.

Is that the little business over there?

Tell me, Annie,

is it true them Injuns eat D-O-G?

Oh, I know what that spells.

That spells "dog."

Hey, I'll see you later.

Do they, Annie?

Well, I don't think so.

Mr. Sitting Bull just loves hash.

He likes it with molasses.

Oh, here's Toby.

Mr. Walker,

I want you to meet my mother

and all the folks from down home.

Mrs. Oakley, folks,

I'm delighted to meet you.

Mac, have you seen the Colonel?

The last I saw of him, he and Mr. Hogarth

were busy sending telegrams.

- Try and locate him for me, will you?

- Aye.

Well, Mr. Walker, I reckon

you ain't gonna win so easy tonight

as you did the last time you shot here.

That's right.

Annie's had a chance

to get used to his good looks.

I'm sure you'll see her at her best tonight.

And how about you, Mr. Walker?

You know, Annie is a show all by herself.

She don't need me at all.

- You see, folks what I mean...

- You ain't getting cold feet, are you?

You mustn't mind the folks, Toby.

They're up here

from down home to see me,

just like if we were playing New York,

all the people from the Bowery

would come to see you.

And we aren't going to disappoint them,

are we?

Well, Walker, what's on your mind?

I'm sorry I bothered you, Colonel.

I guess what I wanted to say

just sort of slipped my mind.

Fresh buttered popcorn?

A bag of popcorn, sir?

It's very bad for you.

Step lively, folks.

Count your change before leaving.

Thank you, neighbor.

Step lively, please,

and see the big performance,

the big show, Wild West show,

a congress of rough riders.

- Get tickets. How many, neighbor?

- How much are they?

One dollar and a half, sir.

- Have you any dollars?

- We have dollar tickets. Yes, sir.

How many?

You're keeping 11,000 people

from seeing the show.

Aye.

You know, Vera,

the more I think about this...

Now, it isn't the money,

it's poor Colonel Cody's feelings

I'm thinking about.

Why, he'd be all broken up

if I paid for the tickets.

Yeah, the shock would probably floor him.

- Well, make up your mind.

- Step lively, please. Step lively, folks.

- How many, neighbor?

- Well...

Give me...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Your money's bogus around here, Mac.

Don't you know that?

- I didn't know it was you.

- Give me a couple of blues.

Here we are, my friends.

A couple of Annie Oakleys.

Step lively, folks.

Annie Oakleys.

Oh, that's a bonny name for them.

Two holes, and clean

as Annie might have shot them herself.

Just a minute. This is hardly right.

- Oh, go on, go on.

- Well, if you insist.

Miss Annie Oakley, the winner.

I am sure Miss Oakley

will favor us with an encore.

Is there any brave gentleman

in the audience

who would like to have Miss Oakley shoot

a cigarette from his mouth at 30 paces?

I'll do it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

proving chivalry is not dead,

Mr. Toby Walker will show his faith

in the marksmanship

of his fair opponent.

I wish I was making that shot.

Give me a coin. I'll hold it for Toby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the courage of the fair sex

is a match to that of the male.

The little lady will now permit

Mr. Toby Walker to shoot a 25-cent piece

out of her hand at the same distance,

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