Another WolfCop Page #2

---

of Woodhaven.

Let me tell you something,

young lady.

Considering what it took

to convince Sydney Swallows

and all

the Darkstar shareholders...

[ENGINE STALLS]

we don't need

any unnecessary tension,

do we?

Thanks for the advice,

but I think we have things

under control.

Woodhaven P.D.

is all about discretion.

Hmm.

[CRASH]

[ENGINE SCREECHES]

Yeah, you've got everything

under control.

How many people have died

in the last...

oh, I don't know...

10 minutes?

People dropping...

like it's crazy.

They're dropping

left and right.

I'm hearing

it's a giant f***ing Wolfcop.

Are you hearing that?

Thanks, tips.

You know,

you might wanna try that.

It'll take the edges off.

I'm more of a black coffee gal,

Bubba.

Well, I'm a black gal guy.

[CAN OPENS]

I'm gonna ask you one very

important question, Tina,

and then I'm gonna leave.

Hopefully you'll answer me.

If not, it'll just dramatically

hang in the air.

Ready?

How come you never see

this Wolfcop and Lou Grou

in the same place

at the same time?

Uh...

A Wolfcop?

God damn it,

that sounds metal.

[GUITAR RIFT PLAYS]

Rookie.

Tina.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Yeah,

I cracked that package.

I don't know.

Some kind of, uh, lizard goo.

I don't know.

This is where Willie

would've been really helpful.

Okay, bye.

[SCREAMING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Well, that f***in' hurt,

you dick!

- Willie?

- Hi, Lou.

Hey man, before we, you know,

hug it out and all that sh*t,

I gotta know one thing.

any of this goo yours?

[BELL CHIMES ON TV]

[ALARM SOUNDS]

- Shoplifter!

- Aah!

[ALL GRUNTING]

WOMAN:
Aah! Help!

Cheers, man!

Nothing like a f***ing

Dale Ale.

So, how much

do you remember?

I remember like,

I don't f***ing ==

Bits and bobs, man, like...

There was, like, this beautiful

big, f***ing bright light.

[GRUNTS]

Which I think was a distraction,

because behind me,

there was like a huge

bulbous, smooth shaft...

WILLIE:
Fellas!

What is this?

...that penetrated me...

[SCREAMING]

...with gusto.

Oh, that's kinda nice.

And they were some weird f***ing

weird reptilioid dudes, man.

[WILLIE SCREAMING]

They, um...

They f***ing violated me, Lou.

What do you know

about Shapeshifters?

Well, if we're just gonna

gloss over what I just said

about the f***ing

huge bulbous shafts

and no means yes

in their land,

I don't know, man.

Shifters are

my f***ing sisters bag.

I'm more about, like,

f***ing drones

and chem-trials

and Sasquatch.

Hey!

Did you ever find

that f***ing Sasquatch, man?

You know,

I was this close, Lou!

LOU:
Willie! Focus.

- Shifters.

- Okay, sh*t, uh...

So, well, basic theory is,

they're trying

to control the world

by assuming the identities

of f***ing regular folks, man.

I mean...

Holy f***, Lou!

Did one of them

take my place, man?

Like, how much did I miss?

Oh, do I still own

the f***ing gun shop?

Am I still the coolest

motherf***er in Woodhaven?

Does Tina Walsh

still love me?

Lou, how long

was I gone for?

A few months.

I wouldn't sweat it.

Don't swea...

Well, easy for you to say, man.

You weren't f***ed

right in your identity.

SWALLOWS:
Leveraging

my excellent palate

and Darkstar technology,

we have strategically

created Chicken Milk Beer,

so that everyone can have

a little taste of my success.

So, slam a cold cock

and unleash a better you.

[STOMACH RUMBLES]

Ohh.

Hey Lou, um...

[BELCHES]

[STOMACH RUMBLES,

WILLIE GROANS]

Is it getting hot in here, man?

No, not really.

You got a little boys room?

[FARTS]

Hey. Down the hall.

- [FARTING]

- Oh, sh*t.

[DIAL TONE]

[PHONE BEEPS]

Yeah, Tina?

You're never gonna believe

what I found in that crate?

WILLIE:
Um, Lou?

Yeah, is everything okay?

Well, uh,

is there any chance

you feel like going on

a gitch run, man?

TINA:
Hey, is that Willie?

Don't hang up.

[ELECTRIC SPARK]

What's this?

Insurance.

Frank will preoccupy the police

so there isn't a repeat

of lasts night's debacle.

[ELECTRIC SPARK]

You named him Frank?

Smells like old people.

[ELECTRIC JOLT]

Really smells.

[WHIRRING]

MAN OVER PA:

Happy Christmas!

Merry Hanukkah!

Joyous Kwanzaa!

To you and yours.

Carl.

["JINGLE BELLS"

PLAYS OVER PA]

You got the rights

for this stuff?

CARL:
Oh, yeah.

Wolfcop is an official mascot!

We share profits.

[CHA-CHING]

Yeah, okay.

MAN OVER PA:

Today's special.

Dale's six packs.

Now $6.66.

Enter now to be first to taste

Chicken Milk stout.

So delicious,

so creamy and delicious.

MAN:
Shut your face.

The T.V. news is on!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

It sat dormant for decades,

but now the old

Woodhaven Brewery

is days from reopening,

thanks to visionary

business maverick

and best-selling author

Sydney Swallows.

Mr. Swallows,

given your business interests

all around the world,

why Woodhaven?

Well, Sandy,

as an entrepreneur,

I'm always looking

to maximize my investments.

I like to win.

Now Woodhaven's

depressed economy

and cheap labor force

made it a natural fit

for Darkstar.

And besides,

if there's one thing

that Woodhaven knows,

- it's cheap-ass beer.

- [LAUGHS]

Hell, yeah.

F***ing sheep.

You can thank

your lucky "Darkstars"

because Chicken Milk

is about to save your...

Thank you, Mr. Swallows.

[LAUGHING]

Thank you.

So, where are you from?

SANDY:
Here in Woodhaven.

[NERVOUS GIGGLE]

- C-cut the piece.

- Swallows.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

- Hey, what time is it?

- It's almost 10:00.

LOU:
Oh, sh*t.

MAN:

Okay, that's unexpected.

Well, as for the weekend, uh,

it's gonna be a beautiful...

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Give me bad love

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Give me bad love

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Bonjour,

and welcome to Club Phoque.

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Give me bad love

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Enough to kill a man

I want nothing if I can

Bad love

Give me bad love,

give me bad love

Give it to another man

And make 'em hungry

if you can

Lou?

Lou?

[SCOFFS] Cutting it close.

Seen Will, yet?

How do we know

it's really Willie?

[SIGHS]

Really Willie?

Mind your f***ing peepers!

[FARTING]

Aah!

Oh, this isn't a sh*t.

This is not a sh*t!

[GROANING]

It's in me, man!

You will not lose to a sh*t!

[GROANING IN PAIN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Give the girls a hand!

You piece of sh*t!

[SCREAMING IN PAIN]

Aah!

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

How big are you?

[BANGS ON DOOR]

Lou, you good?

LOU:
[ROARS]

No bullshit tonight.

Howl if you need me.

MAN:
I'm afraid I have

some bad news for you, Ken.

You have cancer.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHS]

You also have AIDS.

LOU:

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Wakey, wakey, pickle kisser!

Who the f*** said that, man!

You with me, nutsack?

[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]

Quit the drama, Nancy.

This can't be f***ing real.

You are not real.

Get out of my belly!

I really don't have time

for this.

[MUFFLED TALKING]

I'm tripping balls!

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