Another Year Page #5

---

I'll tell you what.

I'll stay in the pubs, you do the walking.

Bugger that, you're carrying the bags.

(chuckles)

How about it?

Serious, we'll go in the autumn.

What are we going to do with you, then,

eh?

You can't go on like this, that's for sure.

So, is it every man for himself

or are we having teams?

Teams.

If I might make so bold, I would suggest

that the best plays with the worst, Jack.

- Good idea.

- In other words, you're with Ken.

- Thanks.

- It's me and you, Ken.

- Is there anything on it?

- Bottle of wine.

You're on.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah. Yeah, go on.

- It's you!

- Ah, right!

- Shall I kick off?

- You take the honour.

So, this father and son team.

- The double Hepple.

- Yes, take on these unknown mavericks.

- That's us, Ken.

- Good luck, Tom.

And good luck to you, Mo.

Can I just say what a great pleasure it is

to be playing with you once again?

Yep, yeah. Watch and learn, Ken.

There's wine on it.

Right.

Off we go.

- At-choo!

- I knew it!

- I knew you were going to do that!

- Ha, ha, ha!

All my life I've had to put up

with this nonsense from you

and I'm not going to have it any longer!

JOE:

Don't scare the wildlife, Ken.

TOM:

How many times a night do you go?

I lose count.

JACK:

You gotta get it sorted out, Ken.

TOM:

Yeah.

- Oh, what a beauty.

- Lovely.

Good shot, partner?

- Oh, sorry. Good shot, Jack.

- Thank you.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

- You want it out, Joe?

- Yep.

TOM:

Good luck, partner.

JOE:

It's all down to this.

(Ken coughs)

JOE:

Looks good.

ALL:

Oh!

TOM:

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

TOM:
My partner.

JOE:
Oh, yes.

(knocks on door)

Gerri!

- Tom!

- Here she is.

- Hello, Mary.

- Sorry I'm so late.

- What happened?

- It's taken me three hours to get here.

I left home at two. I had to ask

a policeman in the end, I got so lost.

- You got lost?

- Yeah, I'm really sorry.

- You've been here loads of times.

- I know.

- You know the way.

- Yeah, but I came in my car, Gerri.

- Oh, God!

- What's happened?

Oh, I'm so stupid.

Why do I always spoil everything?

- I wanted it to be a surprise.

- You've bought a car?

- Yeah!

- God help us.

I got it ever so cheap.

I was really chuffed with myself

because they wanted 700,

but I offered 600, but we settled at 650.

They were a nice couple of guys.

I think they were brothers.

- One of them had a gold tooth.

- Did he?

Yeah. But, they wanted cash.

So I had to go to the cash point on

Wednesday and Thursday and Friday.

So, I couldn't collect it till after work on Friday.

But they rang on Friday morning

to find out what time I was going

to go round with the money.

And had I sorted out the insurance?

Well, that hadn't even crossed my mind!

So, I spent the whole of my lunch break

on Friday sorting that out

and it was really expensive

because I haven't driven since 1984.

But I didn't tell you on Thursday, Gerri,

because I knew I was coming here today

and I wanted to surprise you all.

It is a surprise.

Shall I take that from you?

- Yeah, thanks, Tom.

- Thank you.

Oh, Tom, sorry.

- Can I have a little glass, please?

- Sure?

You shouldn't drive if you're drinking.

I know, Gerri, but you're allowed

a couple of glasses, aren't you, Tanya?

- Small ones.

- Yeah, yeah. Is that all right, Tom?

Yeah.

- Hi, Gerri.

- Hi.

- I'm really sorry.

- Oh, don't be daft.

- Hi, Tanya.

- Hello.

Oh, we really miss you at work,

don't we, Gerri?

- Sweetheart.

- When are you back off maternity leave?

- Give us a chance. (laughs)

- Oh, yeah.

- Hi, Joe.

- Hi.

- Oh, it's really lovely to see you.

- You too.

- Hi, Ken. Are you all right?

- Yeah.

- Come and sit down, Mary.

- Have a seat, Mary.

- Is anyone sitting here?

- No.

- No.

- Oh, this is lovely. Hiya, Jack.

I thought you were going to miss me out, Mary.

Oh, sorry. Where's Janey?

She's a bit under the weather

this afternoon.

Oh, sorry to hear that. Oh, I'm starving.

Oh, the baby!

- Oh, yeah, the baby.

- I'm sorry, Tanya.

- That's all right.

- Oh, hello, little Isaac.

Say hello. Don't mind the funny lady.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognise him.

Oh, he's asleep.

Oh, hasn't he grown?

He's got ever so big.

- They do that.

- Here you are.

- Oh, thanks, Tom.

- I'll give him to you.

- Where do you want him?

- Oh, that's better.

Are you OK?

We've saved you some food, Mary.

- I hope it's still warm.

- Oh, thanks, Gerri. That will be fine.

- I'll do you some fresh, if you like.

- Oh, no, don't worry about me.

- So you didn't get arrested, Mary?

- No, I didn't, Joe.

He was very kind to me, actually.

What CC is your car?

- What do you mean?

- How big's the engine?

Oh, I don't know.

It's about this big, I think.

(laughter)

- What's so funny?

GERRI:
Don't be cruel.

TOM:
He means, how powerful is it, Mary?

How many cubic centimetres?

- Oh.

- You should know that.

On the back there's numbers,

like 1.6 or 1.9.

Oh, yeah, I know, yeah.

Well, that's boys' stuff, isn't it?

- It's not important.

- No, Tanya.

I think I'm gonna have a cigarette

before I eat this.

- I'll get out your way.

- Shall we take Isaac over there?

Oh, well, I thought you wouldn't mind

cos we're outside.

- We don't, Mary. You carry on.

- You're all right.

- You're all right.

TANYA:
It's OK. I fancy a swing.

(laughs)

- Have one of these, Mary.

- It's all right. I've got my own, thank you.

- Here.

- Oh...

Thanks.

I'll have a smoke with you.

Well, I don't really smoke, normally.

I just have the occasional one or two.

How are you doing?

Yeah, I'm really well, thanks, Ken.

Still on your own, are you?

Yeah, I am and I like it like that, you know.

You're like me.

He's good.

He's great.

- He's a hungry bugger.

- Is he?

Just like his dad.

Is he a good dad?

Yeah.

Is he a nappy changer?

Ish.

I expect you're too capable.

- Oh, I am.

- Like Gerri was.

Like Gerri was what?

- Mind your own business.

- We're talking about you, not to you.

Hey, thanks for popping round on Friday.

Janey really appreciated it.

- How is she?

- Not good.

No.

It's exhausting all the time, just getting up

and down the stairs, knocks her out.

I noticed.

She could do with losing a few pounds,

but she's not getting any exercise, so...

- How are you doing?

- Oh, I'm all right.

We stay cheerful, you know?

We don't let things get us down.

That's the spirit.

No, it's all right, Ken. I can pour my own wine,

thank you very much.

Sorry.

Look at the food in this fridge.

I haven't got anything in mine.

I'll see you later, all right?

Here she comes.

- Can I come in the middle?

- Of course you can.

Never come between a mother and her son.

Oh, this is my second one, Gerri.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, and then that's it.

This could be the making of you, Mary.

Yeah.

I think so, Gerri.

I mean, just driving here today,

I felt like a whole person.

- Did you?

- Yeah, a free spirit.

I mean, even though the journey

was a complete nightmare,

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote