Another Year Page #7

---

- Look after yourself.

- Oh, Joe, where do I go?

- Straight ahead.

- Left round the one-way system.

- Yeah. OK.

- Bye, then. Bye.

- Yeah.

- I'll get in the front now.

- Oh, no, Ken.

We haven't got time for this.

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh! No need to slam the door.

- You better hurry up.

- Yeah, I'll run.

Yeah, I'll see you soon, then.

- Goodbye, Mary.

- Bye.

Bye, Ken.

- I like you, Mary. Can I phone you?

- No, Ken. No.

- I could come down and see you.

- Take your hand off of me, please, Ken!

Sorry.

I'm going to have to be honest with you.

I just don't have those kind of feelings

for you, Ken. I'm really sorry.

Right.

Oh!

Sorry, I got carried away.

I didn't mean to.

It's all right. Hurry up.

Your train is going in a minute.

- Thanks for the lift.

- Yeah, all right. Bye.

God Almighty!

- I'll put the kettle on.

- The sooner the better.

- Ohh!

- Ohh!

What are you doing here, you daft bugger?

I've come to surprise you.

Joe!

- You certainly did that.

- It's lovely to see you.

Ohh!

Hello!

Sorry. He made me hide behind the door.

- You frightened the life out of me.

- So, who's this, then?

- Mum, Dad, this is Katie.

- Hello.

- This is Tom and Gerri.

- Tom and Gerri? That's brilliant!

Yeah, well...

We've learnt to live with it over the years.

- So, what's your name again?

- Katie.

Katie.

- So have you been at the allotment?

- Yes.

Gathering the last of the season's harvest.

We've brought back some lovely tomatoes.

- Yeah.

- Sounds gorgeous.

- We were going to have a sandwich.

- Are you both hungry?

- I'm starving.

- She's starving.

- I'll just go and change.

- Let me get out of this filthy clobber.

- You go on through, Joe.

- All right.

KATIE:

This is a lovely big kitchen, isn't it?

- It's gigantic.

- Shut up!

- Thank you for the flowers, Katie.

- Glad you like them.

- They're lovely.

- They're all right.

- Sit yourself down.

- Thank you.

- So how did you two meet?

- Our eyes met across a crowded bar.

We'd both been stood up by our dates.

- Ah, the bonding of the jilted.

- Something like that.

- Pretty much.

- When was this?

- Oh, about three months ago, wasn't it?

- Yeah.

- You never told us.

- Master of discretion.

- I didn't know he had it in him.

- My enigmatic son.

- You know me.

- Must be important.

- Oh, he's a dark horse.

- I wanted to keep you a secret.

- You son's a weirdo!

- Yes, we know. He's having treatment.

Help yourself. Tuck in.

- Whatever you want.

- Thank you.

- My mum and dad know all about you.

- Do they now?

- And what do they do, Katie?

- Oh, my dad's a postman

and my mum works

on a make-up counter.

- Oh, yeah?

- What do you work at?

- I'm an occupational therapist.

- Oh, are you? Where do you work?

- At the Royal Free.

- That's a great hospital.

- It's pretty good.

- Do you specialise?

Yeah. Care of the elderly

and stroke rehab.

What's straight rehab?

Stroke rehab.

You are going deaf.

Oh, stroke rehab.

I thought you said straight rehab.

What's straight rehab?

What, for gay men who are on the turn?

Or straight men, who tried being gay,

but want to be rehabilitated into straight.

- Joe tells me you're a counsellor, Gerri.

- Yes, I am, for my sins.

But it's great to come home and feel like

you've made a contribution, isn't it?

Yes, of course.

Or not, as the case may be.

Oh, I'm sure you contribute.

Not me. I'm talking about you lot

in the caring professions.

- I don't care.

- We know.

Hard man.

And I know you're a geologist, Tom,

but what exactly do you do?

Ah, yes. Strictly speaking, I'm actually

an engineering geologist.

- Which means that I...

- He digs holes.

- I investigate...

- You dig holes.

All right. I dig holes.

That's just calling a spade a spade,

isn't it?

- I always call it a shovel.

- You call it a fork.

I call it a trailer-mounted-tripod

cable-percussive boring unit.

And that's why I love him.

No, I investigate

the ground beneath our feet

to test the feasibility of various

engineering and building projects.

It sounds amazing. What are you

working on at the moment?

Ah, yes. Well, right now, the main project

is an eight-metre-diameter tunnel,

which is going to alleviate the pressure

on London's Victorian sewage system.

Blimey.

Eight metres? That's big.

Oh, yeah. And it'll follow the path

of the Thames for 20 miles,

up to 80 metres underground.

And that's just for this household.

TOM:

So, it's quite a big number.

I'm not doing it on my own.

There's a few of us.

- It won't be finished till after I'm dead.

- Oh, no.

You'd better get a move on.

Help yourself.

Is there anything you want?

- Some ham?

- Oh, no, thanks. I'm a veggie, actually.

- Are you?

- Mm.

This cheese is gorgeous, though.

Thank you.

- Help yourself.

- Thank you.

- What have you got planned later?

- Ah, yes.

- We're having a visitation.

- Sounds ominous.

- Mary's coming for tea.

- Oh, I was right.

- Who's Mary?

- She's a friend from work.

- Oh, right.

- Yes, she's... Yes.

She's something else.

I won't ask.

- Ta-da!

- Oh, Joe!

How lovely to see you.

This is a surprise. How are you?

- I'm good.

- Oh, you look great.

- So do you.

- Oh, thank you.

Hello, Mary.

I'm Tom. I'm his father. I live here.

Oh, Tom.

My two favourite men.

In you go.

- You never rang me.

- I'm sorry.

Whatever happened to that drink

we were gonna have?

- I've got a surprise for you.

- Oh, Joe, you shouldn't have.

- Hello.

- Katie, this is Mary. Mary, this is Katie.

- Hello, Mary. It's nice to meet you.

- Oh, hi.

GERRI:
This is Joe's girlfriend.

- I like your jacket.

Your mum gave me a pot of basil. Smell that.

- She's going to make him some pesto.

- Lovely.

- Shall I take your jacket, Mary?

- Yeah, thanks, Tom.

- How are you, Mary?

- Yeah, I'm really good, thanks, yeah.

- How was your journey?

- It was all right.

- Oh, no, it wasn't actually.

- Didn't get lost again, did you?

Oh, no, the journey was all right.

It's the car.

TOM:
Is it OK?

GERRI:
What happened?

- It wouldn't start.

- Oh, no.

Yeah, it's a nightmare.

I had to come on the tube.

And it got broken into last night.

- Oh, sorry to hear that.

- Oh, no.

Yeah, I did my big weekly

supermarket shop yesterday,

which is great, I couldn't do that

before I had the car.

I went nice and early,

so it wouldn't be dark when I got back.

I brought three bags in, but I must have

left the fourth one on the front seat.

I got in. I thought, that's great, that's done,

I can chill out now

and have a nice little glass of wine.

I had a really nice evening, actually.

Er...

But then, this morning,

I'm in the bathroom, I'm sitting on...

Cos it's the toilet roll that I've left in the car.

So, I rush out

and my window's been smashed.

There's glass everywhere

and all my toilet rolls have been stolen.

- It's probably kids.

MARY:
I think you're right.

Are you insured, Mary?

- Yeah, of course I'm insured.

- Well, that's something, isn't it?

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote