Antibirth

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Motherfuckers!

- Alright, let go.

Hey, come on.

Let's do it right here,

what you got?

- Come on, it'll be alright.

Jade's waiting.

- Thanks, okay.

- How long have you been

feeling like this?

- I don't know, uh..

...couple of days.

I guess since the other night.

- What happened?

- I don't know, I -- I blacked

out, I can't remember.

- You black out lots?

- Anha,

i feel like sh*t, alright?

My back is killing me.

- How are your breastasis?

- My titties f***in' hurt.

You know,

and they're not even that big.

- You got nice tits, Lou.

- Thanks, Sadie lady.

- What's your diet

normally like?

- What do you mean?

- She eats like sh*t.

- No, I don't.

- She microwaves everything.

It's beast food. It's true, Lou.

- When was the time

of your last period?

- Uh...Recent enough?

- Do you remember the last time

you performed intercourse?

- Uh, it was not much

of a performance.

- Better not have been Mickey.

- You drink?

- Yeah, yeah, obviously.

- Everyday?

- Anha, come on, yeah.

- You gonna wanna see

a doctor, Lou.

- Come on, anha,

i -- I can't afford that, okay?

Anha, look,

i -- I don't have insurance.

I was just hoping you could,

you know, really suss it out.

- Lou, I work for a vet.

I can't prescribe anything.

- Look, I feel like sh*t,

alright?

I just need something

to take the edge off.

- You can go

to the military clinic.

It's free.

Thank you, thanks a lot.

- They're prenatal vitamins.

My sister never took them.

- F***.

Man, thanks for nothing, anha.

F***!

- What do you wanna do now?

- I don't know.

Let's grab some booze

or snacks.

- That's what he said.

- Yeah.

- You didn't hear me?

- I don't know.

I don't listen.

I haven't been laid in months,

okay?

I know that I been, uh,

on a bender.

But I think I'd remember

if I had someone's cock in me.

- Maybe you should

sell yourself on TV.

One of those

phantom pregnancies?

Those girls

who go through it all

and didn't even realize

they were pregnant.

You know, and then it falls out

all preemie

and they bury it in the closet

before prom?

- F***in' preemie, Sadie.

- Well, born too soon.

- Sh*t's f***ed up.

I don't know, f*** it, like

what does anha know anyway,

right? She's a vet.

Shitty vet.

- Well, you said it yourself,

Lou, you've been on a bender.

You just need to stop partying

for a couple days.

- I'm not a dog, you know.

She doesn't even know

anything about people.

Mm, I heard a dog got addicted

to heroin because of her.

I got too high. I mean..

I just.. I really

can't be pregnant, alright?

It's not my style.

- You can always get rid of it.

- I'm not gonna pay some

a**hole to scramble my guts.

- There's always someone

who wants a baby.

Just adopt it out.

- You think I can find somebody

to push me down

a staircase or something?

I can't believe I have to quit

drinking, uh, no smoking.

Who -- who needs that sh*t?

Jeeze Louise, come on, Sadie.

- Lou, you can handle it.

I was pretty wasted

when I was pregnant.

- And what was that like?

All that you know..

- It was so long ago,

i don't remember.

- Come here.

Thank you.

Why don't you go ahead

and, uh, load up

the cooler, baby?

Trish?

- Can I get you anything?

- No, no, thanks. I'm good.

- He'll take a beer.

- You ever think it --

it's kinda funny that, uh

they wouldn't need

the clean piss

if they weren't getting high.

- I'm not responsible

for their habits.

If somebody's gonna make

any money off it,

it's gonna be me.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- What am I gonna do,

send her back to Russia?

- Well, no, but,

I mean you can't..

...you can't just have these

girls running around

in the wild, you know?

- Get off that.

I told you that's not for you.

Just go get some cereal.

Makes the pee good.

- What is it?

- I don't know, but, uh, people

are gonna f***ing love it.

- Alright, that good, huh?

- Yeah. Well, I think so.

Jade's gonna chop it up,

break it down, get it out there.

- Right, right.

Say...What do you want me

to do with Lou?

She's starting to get a bit

paranoid, you know?

- She's f***ed up all the time.

No one's gonna believe her.

- Yeah.

- Don't worry about it.

- Cool, cool.

So, what do you wanna do?

- You're gonna go

on the f***in' run.

- Alright.

- Took you long enough.

I didn't think,

you were gonna show.

- Where'd you get

palace chicken?

- I got lots.

- I love that sh*t,

give me a wing, man.

- F*** no. I have to go

all the way to Liberty

for this sh*t.

Plus I got a meeting

on my po tomorrow.

- Just give me

the f***ing money.

- You know they got a special

kind of bleach in this sh*t?

When they pound,

crush down the bird.

It gets rid of all

the bones and beaks.

- Yeah, right, a**hole.

Where'd you hear that?

- Plus, if you eat enough of it

at once, it'll pass any test.

- So, what you gonna do,

just eat yourself into a coma

hope you don't piss your pants

before you go in?

- Tastes good.

- Idiot.

- Man, this place is a dump.

I gotta clean up this shithole.

- Oh, it's cold in here.

You got any heat

up in this b*tch?

- What am I,

a rockefeller? Come on.

Sh*t, man.

You know, one second it's hot,

then it's cold.

But I mean, the cold,

it's driving me loco.

- You know,

i just wanted to come up here

and make sure

everything was alright.

You know?

Ohh!

- I love pissing.

Hey, I'm hungry now.

- Sweet.

Lou, your dad was smokin' hot.

- Uh, no sh*t,

my dad was f***ing hot.

You know...Sadie..

...sometimes being hot

just ain't enough, man.

You know, after Vietnam,

he drove my mom crazy.

- Well, it was pretty shitty.

- No sh*t, man, no sh*t,

Vietnam, you know.

Shitty enough to get this sweet

ass pad from uncle Sam.

Right?

- Did you do all these?

- Huh?

- Warren said he gave you

a case last week.

- Oh, f*** that, man.

Man, my dad fought for the right

to kill his brains.

I'm just honoring his legacy.

- I'm just saying

if you're pregnant, you're gonna

have to slow it down.

- Alright, man.

If I'm pregnant..

Like, maybe I can give

this kid some superpowers,

you know?

Come on,

he'll put it to good use.

- Lou.

- What?

Let me ask you a question.

Alright, Sadie, Sadie,

this is important sh*t.

Sadie, alright.

If...You can have...

Any superpowers..

I mean, anything...

In the whole world, right?

- Sh*t, I don't know, I mean..

I guess I'd wanna fly or

teleport or whatever, you know?

So, I could go wherever,

whenever and get the hell

outta here.

- Yeah, man.

That'd be cool.

You know what I want?

- Mm-hmm.

- Do you know what I wanna do?

I wanna be like that guy

who had this, uh..

He was like that f***in' guy

who could turn into

any animal he wanted, remember?

Yeah, you had to have seen it,

it was a show.

Yeah, and so..

...this f***ing guy, he could be

like a f***ing turtle

or a cheetah, you know?

It was a show, right?

But he had, you know..

...just whenever

you need it, man.

- This was a show?

- Oh, yeah.

It was badass.

- Well, when exactly do you

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