Any Which Way You Can Page #4

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of the laws of nature.

But we don't enforce them laws.

Lord.

You have given me these crosses to bear.

I will carry them...

...all the way from Jerusalem to Jackson,

whichever is closer.

But hear me, Lord.

"Though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death"

I will chew on Philo Beddoe's ass

for my last supper.

I lose.

Excuse me, sir, there's a call for you.

Mr. Beekman.

Hello, Beeky, it's your dime.

Zack? I got a sporting event laid out

for this Saturday.

A fire-eater named Philo Beddoe.

Against Jack Wilson.

Philo Beddoe? Never heard of him.

Melvin, can Beddoe whup Jack Wilson?

Beddoe's good, real good,

but I'd have to give Wilson the edge.

How big an edge?

If it was my money, 7-to-5,

but 6-to-5 is a fair bet.

I might be interested in 4-to-1.

Even money, Zack.

Well, I might go 3-to-1.

I've reserved your suite for you.

I'll be there.

You all saddle up. We're going on a trip.

Jim Martin and his crew are coming in

from Kansas City.

We got contingents coming in

from Seattle, LA, Frisco.

Any takers at 6-to-5?

We got about $30,000.

You know, Jim...

...we may have to go 2-to-1

to pick up the action a bit.

We'll get enough action at 8-to-5.

All right.

- I'll call up Boston and set up a lay off.

- No.

No. There's not going to be a lay off.

Jim.

We could get a couple million dollars

on this fight.

Wilson's not going to lose.

If we try any funny stuff,

they'll retire us to the Jersey Flats.

No funny stuff. I'm telling you,

Wilson's going to take him.

All we've got to do...

We set up a little lay off.

We take a nice 6, 7Out

We walk away with $200,000. No risk.

I'd rather walk away with $2 million.

Yeah.

All right, I'll go along.

But if Wilson loses,

you better have snowshoes.

Because north of the Arctic Circle

is the only place we'll be safe.

Welcome to Jackson, Mr. Wilson.

It's a great honor to serve you.

I'll take you up to your suite myself.

Here, let me take this.

There are three parties in progress,

one of which started yesterday afternoon.

If there's anything you need, anything.

The hotel does allows pets in the room.

If you understand my meaning.

I don't keep pets.

No pets, no booze.

- I can read.

- And no parties.

That's Aunt Hortense.

The last party she was at

was Teddy Roosevelt's inauguration.

- Is she your aunt by blood or marriage?

- Blood.

I'd be careful about having any children

if I were you.

Always am.

That's the fifteenth private jet

this morning. What's going on?

Bare-knuckle fight.

California boy named Philo Beddoe's taking

on some monster from the East Coast.

- I ain't seen anything in the papers.

- Strictly illegal.

No referee, and the fight won't end

until one or the other's half dead.

Oh, my God.

- I think I'm doing something wrong.

- You're doing just fine, hon.

But we've been flying upside down

for 15 minutes, Zack.

It takes a little time to get the hang of it.

Don't be so hard on yourself, hon.

Like the ride at the fair

where everything falls out.

- I hope so.

- You're terrible.

- You can't drink upside down.

- Sure, you can.

- Here, try it.

- All right.

It worked.

You'd be surprised

what you can do upside down.

Surprise me.

I'll take the south side of town.

You take the north.

- What are we looking for?

- I don't know.

Keep your eyes out for anything peculiar.

And keep Aunt Hortense out of sight.

Why, you're Philo Beddoe.

- Yes, ma'am.

- It's him!

- He's looking too good.

- Too good by half.

Excuse me, ma'am.

We can't get decent odds on you

looking that good.

We're trying to find some fool

who will give us 2-to-1.

Try to look a little more peaky, would you?

Excuse me.

- Sorry.

- You damn fool!

- Let me see that hand.

- What?

Wiggle your fingers.

You could have broken that hand

and made paupers out of all of us.

Sorry.

What are you standing here gabbing for?

Get on back to jogging.

- I think I might do that.

- Wait.

No booze, no parties. In bed by 8:00 p.m.

You can count on that.

I do.

Did you all see that?

The way he grabbed me with one hand

like I was a feather?

Son of a gun, boys, we're going to be rich.

We're already rich, Zack.

Mind if I jog with you?

You work for some pretty strange folks.

Who I work for is my business.

They got my girl.

They're running together.

Talk about beef on a hook.

- I got $40 on Beddoe.

- You're on.

I didn't know.

I didn't say you did. I just said

you worked for some strange folks.

Well, their business isn't mine.

I never said it was.

We're even, remember?

Jim.

Tony Paoli's on the way up.

- Poor little Tony, he never learns.

- Not junior, senior.

- Big Tony?

- Big Tony.

What is he coming here for?

Mr. Paoli. What a pleasure to see you.

I hear you ain't laying off any of the action.

Not so far, no, sir.

You got guts. I admire a man with guts.

So I says, "Big Tony,

maybe now's the time you go out...

"...and make a little bet with this

high-roller Beekman with guts."

$100,000?

Mr. Beekman.

You and I are not men

who deal in five zeroes.

- He means six zeroes, Jim.

- "He means six zeroes, Jim."

Of course, I have to cover it.

Of course.

Give us a look, sweetie.

Come on, honeybunch.

Show us those big blue eyes.

He's a menace.

Goes around peeking in windows.

Ogled at me last night while I was

getting it on with two young beauties.

Clyde has no interest in human sex.

What were you doing,

getting it on with a couple of apes?

Get out. Out.

Let's go.

- The fight ain't on till noon.

- I know that.

I found where they're holding Lynn.

Best to hit them when they move her.

- What's going on?

- He found out where Lynn is.

Let's go.

I know they're packing heat

and they might use it.

I'm his friend and Clyde's his friend.

We go.

Hop in there, kid.

Right turn, Clyde.

- You all right?

- I'm fine.

Why don't you get the cops

and the ambulance?

- The cops ain't part of the bargain.

- All right, just the ambulance, then.

That bullet was mine.

I like being a hero, too,

sometimes, you know.

Well, you're doing a good job with it.

Look, I just saved you guys' asses

from the slammer.

So now they belong to me.

But if I ever see you again,

I'll come and collect them.

You just get in this car and

keep driving west, until you see the surf.

Got it? Move.

- I owe you one.

- No, we're even.

Your hairy friend back there

saved my skin for me.

- We're even, then.

- You're not going to fight, are you?

Well, if I don't, it's a forfeit.

A lot of people bet money on me.

Not all of them are rich.

If neither one of us showed up,

then there wouldn't be any fight.

Then all the bets would be off.

That's something to think about.

Wilson! He hung up.

Well, that's it.

Neither of them are going to show.

- All the bets are off, then.

- Damn it.

I spent a lot of time,

a lot of money setting this thing up.

Well, you better let

the sporting folks know.

- Are you going to fight?

- I don't know. That depends on Wilson.

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