Anything Else Page #7

We're not breaking up.

- Good to see you.

- Story of my life. Bye, Jerry.

Sorry l'm late.

l thought l'd be late.

My mom had a gallbladder attack.

So, you want to discuss...?

No big deal.

l'll get it out of the way

then we can eat

and enjoy the meal.

A coffee, please.

l'm fine.

Now...

our original contract

was for three years.

lt's almost up.

lt's up in a few months.

My game plan for you

is going perfectly.

A lot of people laughed at me

when l said l only wanted one client.

And a kid, too.

lt's like a clothing store

that specializes in

quality rather than quantity.

All the other managers in town,

even my own family

predicted that you would dump me

if you made it big on my efforts.

l said, ''You do not know Jerry Falk.''

''Jerry Falk and l have

a special relationship.

''lt goes way beyond the contract.

''We are very close.

''l was at his wedding.

l bought him a toaster.

''We are this close.

l've done things for him

''you couldn't even write

into a contract.''

[coughing]

[tapping table]

What's this?

Our new agreement.

You don't have to read it now.

Take it home and read it.

lt's not that complicated.

lt's the same thing,

except it's for seven years

instead of three.

l figured, why burden you with

signing a contract every three years?

Especially since we're gonna

be together for a long, long time.

You can't sign that, Falk.

What are you, a cretin?

l can't not sign it.

The guy's whole life is invested in me.

The guy's an idiot.

He's in the wrong business.

He should be pushing a rack

on Seventh Avenue.

He put in the tough work

when no one else cared.

He's not a bad guy, he's just...

l can't figure you out.

You've been with a shrink for years,

yet you're too guilty to say good-bye

to the inept homunculus

that poses as your manager.

lncidentally, my shrink says

l have to get rid of the rifle.

- What?

- He says it's an acting out.

What kind of charlatan would want you

unarmed in this world?

- He's not a charlatan.

- They're all charlatans, Falk.

You know, since the beginning of time,

people have been frightened and unhappy

and scared to death

and scared of getting old

and there have always been

priests and shamans and now shrinks

to tell them ''l know you're frightened,

but l can help you.''

''Of course, it'll cost you a few bucks.''

But they can't help you,

because life is what it is.

Hey, what did you think of Amanda?

l know you only met her for, like,

chaotic circumstances

but she has a great quality, doesn't she?

She's cheating on you,

you know.

- What are you talking about?

- She's cheating on you.

- How do you know?

- 'Cause l know.

How do you know?

You see her with someone?

- No.

- Did she say something to you?

No.

Then why would you say

she's cheating on me?

l can tell by her eyes.

- Her eyes? Her eyes.

- Yes, her eyes.

Dobel, you have a certain brilliance.

You do.

You're a sweet guy

and a wonderful writer of humor,

but you are a deeply,

deeply deranged human being.

Falk, l'm telling you,

she's cheating on you,

and you're too typhlotic to see it.

Typhlosis, Falk.

Blindness.

[music plays]

ls she cheating on me?

Dobel has poisoned the well.

How the hell would he know?

ls he some kind of visionary?

Not at all. He's a simple,

garden-variety paranoid.

[Falk:
] ''Jews start all wars.''

A gun in every room of his apartment.

Amanda's cheating on me

because he sees it in her eyes?

Bull. And yet...

Jerry? This is Connie.

Connie, Jerry.

[Falk:
] Nice to meet you.

- Connie is a brilliant actress.

- Amanda's the actress.

Ray. Come with me.

l have to talk to you.

Amanda tells me you're a writer.

What are you working on?

A novel.

About what?

The absolute terror

of confronting one's death.

l just finished

''Notes From Underground.''

lsn't Dostoyevsky the most amazing,

poignant, talented writer?

[Falk:
] Who cares about Dostoyevsky

if Amanda's sleeping with that guy?

She always talks about Ray Polito.

Such a hotshot new actor.

Animal instincts.

This generation's Brando.

They certainly make eye contact.

She's so sexy.

Look at her body language.

All verbs.

- Have l...?

- Read ''House of the Dead.''

Oh, yes.

Yes, l have.

l found it surprisingly neoteric.

- Modern. Very modern.

- Yes, modern.

- Would you excuse me just a second?

- Yeah, sure.

Jerry, hi.

You remember Ray Polito?

- Nice to see you.

- How are you?

Good. You?

l was telling Ray about how you have

a real interest in old theater posters.

He says he has a great source.

My buddy, Jay Binns,

has some really rare ones.

He'd be happy to show them

to you anytime.

Thanks. Yeah, maybe sometime, sure.

- We could rent a car and drive out tonight.

- Tonight?

Connie? You should come, too.

You should bring Doug.

- Who's Doug?

- Go where?

My buddy lives in Montauk.

We're going there tonight.

- At this hour, there's no traffic.

- Montauk? lt's midnight.

Montauk at midnight?

What could be more romantic?

- l can't.

- Me either.

- lt's just too late.

- l have to get up early.

You know l work best

in the morning.

But we'll walk on the beach,

maybe take a swim.

Ray'll play his guitar.

- You play guitar?

- Yeah.

l'd rather eat rat poison

than watch this guy

play guitar on the beach at 3 AM.

- [Falk:
] You're so quiet.

- [Amanda:
] So are you.

- [Falk:
] What's wrong?

- [Amanda:
] Nothing.

[Falk:
] Don't say, ''nothing.''

Obviously, you're upset.

Are you crushed because we didn't drive

and hear this guy play his guitar?

Shhh.

My mother's sleeping.

That road company James Dean

looked at you

like you were

a freshly baked cannoli.

Are you in love with Connie?

Connie?

Don't pretend you can't

remember her name.

l wouldn't have even looked at Connie

if you hadn't thrown us together.

l thought you'd like her.

She's smart and beautiful

and very literate.

A literate actress?

What, is that like a four-leaf clover?

Most men find her seductive.

lf you wanted to go off with Ray Polito,

you should have gone.

You didn't need to

fix me up with someone.

Please. l thought you'd want to see

his friend's theater posters.

l have no interest in Connie.

None. Nada.

You can sleep with other women.

Just don't throw it in my face.

l'm not sleeping with her.

Do you want to sleep with Ray?

[Paula:
] Jesus Christ.

Will you two keep it down?

l can't sleep.

You got any pills?

l'm sorry, Mother.

l can't have these late-night discussions.

- l need a sleeping pill.

- Jerry? Come here.

- l want to show you something.

- Now? lt's 2 AM.

Come here. Jerry.

This goddamn ballad is driving me crazy.

Just tell me what you think.

[playing piano]

Don't cry

There'll be another spring

l know our hearts

Will dance again

And sing again

So wait for me

Till then

Be glad

The bird is on the wing

Another chance to love

And laugh with me

Just wait and see

l love you now

And l'll love you forever

Oh, don't

Be sad

We'll surely be

Together

For the sky

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