Apartment Troubles

1

You'll be happy to know it

was a complete disaster.

Wait, why are you dry?

Why wouldn't I be dry?

Were you just in the shower?

No.

- Who's in the shower?

- Who's in the shower?

First of the month, ladies.

- Oh, no.

- Man.

Why is it so dark in here?

Hey, We'll this is

obviously short.

I don't know.

Did you guys pay

the electric bill?

Um, I'm sorry.

We... we're choosing

not to have electricity.

It's a housing violation.

We don't want to be

a part of the problem, Bob.

You have to pay it.

There's no law that Says you have

to blow up mountains and frack.

This is $500 short. This is

the third month in a row.

All right?

That's a full month's rent.

I'm trying to turn

a profit here.

Apparently, I'm your friend.

You... you haven't even

returned my last four e-vites.

Well, we don't

have electricity, so...

Not okay.

It's just not okay.

Turn your back.

I've been working with

my energy healer, Steven,

and we have decided

that I can no longer

be an enabler anymore.

Call, We'll show up

to your party.

I have called you, all right?

I've left messages and you

have not returned my call.

There are a lot of people

who are interested

in illegal sublets, a lot.

There is a lawyer at my gym

who really wants this.

Do they not have

a shower at your gym?

Okay, I can't do this anymore.

I can't be supporting you girls.

We're done. We're done.

Pay me what you owe me

or you're out

by the end of the month.

You know what I want to know?

Why was this never an issue

when we were together?

- You keep mouthing off...

- You keep mouthing off.

Don't do what you're doing.

- Just a little fa...

- Have some integrity.

Uh, you have integrity, Bob.

- That's not...

- Bob.

Twenty days and I mean it.

Okay, you're gone.

I can't do this.

Steve told me.

What did Steve tell you?

Steve said... he said, cut.

- No!

- Cut, stop it. Let go.

No.

Ridiculous.

I gotta cut the cord.

Bob, more than one month.

You mouth off any more,

I'm making it 15 days.

- I'm going out.

- Are you hungry?

No, I don't need anything.

Just bring me an apple.

You see these fruits?

It's disgusting.

In my country,

the fruit was small.

Americans, they need to relax,

but they can't

because their fruit

is too aggressive.

- Huh.

- It's true.

Nicole?

Nicole, we have a notice.

What do I got to notice?

This is important.

This is important!

Shut the f*** up!

Take the gas mask off

and just come up here!

Not coming to you,

you come to me.

Fine! I'm gonna jump off

the fire escape.

Shut up!

You wouldn't.

I'm throwing myself

over the railing!

Just tell me what you want!

We're being evicted!

Good!

Please, no hydro fluorocarbons

in the house.

We pay most of his rent.

I touched this disgusting doorknob

outside and my hand's gone gimpy.

I have to wash it.

The cat is going in my bedroom!

No!

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, God!

Try to speak to him

more diplomatically.

Oh, God.

Olivia, you know

how allergic I am.

Look how he looks at me!

Do you see the looks

that he gives me?

You see the worst in people!

You don't know your own cat!

I told you to just

keep it out of my room!

Over there!

- I can control him no more than

I can control the wind. - No!

And there's a very large chance

I may have an audition today.

So I'd really appreciate it

IF you would just

take it down a notch and not try

to throw me off my game so much

'cause I really

need to be centered.

Go! Go! Go!

I'm not having this

conversation with you anymore!

This is not an apple.

No.

I need a drink.

What are you...

You just drank mouthwash?

Ooh.

What is that?

I spilled.

Is this thing clicking?

I don't know.

Maybe It's the stove.

Olivia!

Eww.

Why worms, why?

Where are you going, worms?

What is up there?

- Oh, God!

- What is down here?

What do we do with the...

I told you we

shouldn't verma-compost.

Olivia, please stop with

the chopsticks, honey.

Stop... please stop

feeding them cheese.

They're lactose intolerant.

We can't treat them like this.

- This is a...

- Let go of this.

We're... we're going for a walk.

It's gonna be so nice out there.

Come on.

That lamp would be perfect.

No, we don't have electricity.

You're daring me.

- No, I'm not.

- I hate it when you do this.

I'm not daring you.

I'm not daring you.

- Oh.

- I do not want you to do this.

- Yes, you are.

- Get off the step.

You do not take lamps

from people's homes.

You can't do that.

Why are you always

doing things like this?

Stop it, you're gonna

break something.

Do not climb over there.

That is dangerous.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

Shh.

- Got caught!

- What?

Oh, God.

Hey.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Yeah.

Okay, I can do that.

All right.

Thank you, I'll be there.

Bye.

Got an audition.

What for?

Life insurance.

Oh.

What?

You don't want to do that.

You don't want to be

part of the problem.

I'm not.

Somebody needs to support us.

We need a benefactor.

What about your parents?

No.

Why don't you sell

one of your pieces then?

I told you,

they're not done yet.

Fine.

I'm getting muffins.

Do you want one?

The usual, IF they have it,

and IF not, blueberry.

Well, I didn't book

that job, either.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

Okay. Here's just

an idea.

Why don't you ask your

parents for more money?

I told you I've been

totally cut off.

Are they still your parents?

What kind of question is that?

It's just you're adopted

and they have so much money...

I know I'm adopted.

And IF they've cut you off,

I... I don't know. I'm sorry.

Listen, they're also... they're

petitioning to cut a lot of things!

They're trying to cut...

They're trying to cut

public radio! It's...

Okay, just take a...

Take a few deep breaths.

I think I'm just hungry.

We haven't eaten today.

I forgot the muffins.

Wait. Okay, I have a plan.

We're... we're on

a cleanse right now.

We've already begun it.

You see what I'm saying?

Sort of.

Okay. We have

not eaten today.

This is good.

- Wait, how does this work?

- We're cleansing.

We're just... our pores are just gonna

start letting stuff go when we...

It sounds very affordable.

I have no better ideas.

I think we should do this.

I'm very willing to try

anything you suggest right now

because I'm so starving.

Bob left a juicer here.

I think It's in the hall closet.

Yeah, see IF It's still there.

It's here!

Oh, It's heavy.

You know, I'm sorry about

what I said about your parents.

Olivia.

What?

Is he stuck?

Seagull, are you sleeping?

No. Oh my God.

I know.

It's okay, It's okay.

The Japanese, they call moments

like this mono no aware.

Why are you talking

about Japanese people?

Well, It's ephemerality

and that's a beautiful thing.

Ephemerality sucks.

Oh, seagull.

Do you see that?

What?

There's gold in his mouth.

It's like all the stuff

on your hands.

Why is he covered in gold?!

Olivia!

I've always known

you were selfish,

- but I never thought you would...

- I didn't!

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