Appropriate Behavior

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Don't forget this.

That was a present for you.

I don't feel comfortable

holding on to it.

What am I supposed

to do with it?

Throw it away.

Fine.

We were an "it" couple.

Not really.

Like when we'd go to parties

and there was dancing,

we'd start dancing

and everyone would

make a circle around us

and watch us dance.

Okay.

Okay, why don't you tell me

what you need, Shirin?

I need my girlfriend back.

Dude, I really think

you just need to mourn this

and move on.

I really want to eat

my feelings right now.

You know what?

I think that's an amazing idea.

Why don't we order

all the fatty, disgusting foods

we never let ourselves eat?

Okay.

Hey, girls.

How you doin' today?

Hey.

Fantastic.

And you?

Uh, what's your name?

Brendan.

Brendan.

Hey, I'm crystal.

Hey, crystal.

What can I get you today?

Um, let me see.

I would love an...

Unsweetened glass of iced tea.

No problem.

Thank you.

And can I just have one

of those complimentary mints

I saw by the entrance

and a glass of ice water

and a little bit of lemon

in there.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

Thanks, Brendan.

Mmm, delish.

Mmm, can't wait.

I'm dead inside.

Can you tell

just by looking at me

that I'm dead inside?

I really think

you had to end it.

I mean, she wasn't even

f***ing you towards the end.

Maybe it was a phase.

Thanks, Brendan.

How about "Giraffe"?

What about "safe word"?

Like the word "safe word"

as our safe word?

Let's cut out the middleman,

'cause what happens

if you forget your safe word?

Okay, then,

the safe word is "safe word."

Great.

Let's do this.

What's the scenario?

I'm your tax auditor.

Okay.

Miss?

Yes?

Can you please

fill out this form?

All right.

Miss?

Yes?

I've been a bad

small-business owner.

What seems to be the problem?

I don't have any of my receipts

from June until August,

and I'm gonna

have to be punished.

That's actually easily remedied.

If you'll just fill in

the larger expenses in Section C

and cross-check them

with Section B.

Maxine.

What?

You are killing the sexy.

I'm just--

I'm not into role play.

That's-- that's okay.

I'm vanilla.

Don't say that.

It true.

I'm not kinky.

Hey.

Look at me.

I like vanilla.

I'm not really in the mood.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Banal sex shouldn't start

until at least a year

into a relationship.

I moved in too soon.

When are you going back to work?

I'm not.

No!

The only reason they hired me

in the first place

is 'cause they wanted

a middle eastern person

on staff.

Now that Yahveh's in editorial,

everyone's gushing

over how Syrian she is.

I'm not letting you fall

into a bottomless pit

of despair and unemployment

on my couch.

Nothing brings me joy.

Well... I think this guy

I know is hiring.

Let me talk to him.

And are you gonna go look

at that apartment

in Bushwick later?

I can't. I have to

go see my parents.

Oh, my God!

Can I come?

Your dad is so hot.

I just want to, like, paint him.

Ugh, no.

That is exactly

why you cannot come.

So, uh...

So, in the afternoon,

I took an appendix,

and I rewired it on this kid

who had no control

of his own urine.

Stop.

Wow.

No, no, no, we made him dry.

But now he has to pee

out of his belly button.

Please stop.

This is fascinating.

Not while we're eating.

Yeah, it can wait

until after, right?

Okay.

Did you see Ali's picture

of the sex-reassignment

surgery?

No, I didn't, 'cause

I deleted it the minute

I read "intestine vagina"

in the subject.

They're interesting

pictures.

Yeah, they are.

Show them.

Please don't do this.

I don't understand why

he had to go into urology.

It's because he loves

the penises so much.

Funny, dad.

Here you go.

Check it out.

Ugh!

Oh, my God.

What?

Take a look at it.

You're not even looking at it.

Please put that away.

I don't want to see it.

She doesn't want to see it.

Put it away.

Okay, suit yourself.

Layli.

Yes?

Ali says that you just started

your fellowship.

That's right.

Plastic surgery.

Mm-hmm.

Isn't it weird, though?

Like, he's dealing

with life-and-death situations

every day,

and then you're with

these middle-aged housewives

with low self-esteem.

Layli is a pediatric

reconstructive plastic surgeon.

I actually--

Uh, I specialize

in burn treatment

and skin grafting.

Cool.

I heard you are working

at "The Brooklyn Paper."

Yeah.

Um, I'm actually thinking

about transitioning

into another field.

So, let me get this straight.

You got a masters in journalism,

and now you're gonna do

Jack sh*t with it?

She can still use her degree.

She's so talented.

Thank you.

She was the only freshman

in high school

who could swim

on the varsity team.

And she didn't even

take lessons.

Wow, that's a real

resume builder right there.

Yeah, this body's made

for swimming.

Look at these shoulders.

That's enough.

Thank you.

And look at those hands.

Please stop.

Aren't they stunning?

They're beautiful hands.

You know, you should get

into hand modeling.

Ah.

But I just don't know

how people get started.

It's who you know.

A masters in journalism,

that's how you get started.

I would literally like to

talk about anything else.

Okay, how's your love life?

Any boys we should know about?

No.

No boys at all.

Oh, thank God I don't have to

get my shotgun ready then.

Good one, dad.

Oh, God.

Ken?

Hey.

Ginny.

Shirin.

Shirin.

What is that? Libyan?

Armenian? Argentinean?

Iranian.

Oh, Iranian.

Wow. Iran.

What do you think

of that whole situation?

It's a mixed bag.

A lot of very

good-intentioned people

dealing with some

difficult circumstances.

You get over there

very often?

Yeah.

Actually, I go in the summers

to visit family.

Wow.

Okay, so tell me,

what is the scene like

in Tehran?

I just read this big article

about the underground

hip-hop scene in "Vice."

Yeah.

So, you're part of that?

No. Unfortunately, I spend

most of my time in Iran

watching Disney videos

with my grandmother

while she untangles jewelry.

Yeah, I got myself some coffee.

Do you want something to drink?

No, thanks.

I am buzzed on skunk right now.

Nice.

So, crystal tells me

you are an artist.

Yes.

Yeah, I am.

You're a video artist.

Mm-hmm.

Great.

So, I don't know

what crystal has told you,

but I'm looking for someone

reliable to take over

an afterschool filmmaking class.

It's with a bunch of kids,

and they're really great

and so smart

and, uh, just creative.

And really, all you have to do

is just show them

how to hold a camera.

I can do that, yeah.

So, what is your schedule like?

Completely open.

Perfect.

All right, well,

may I say let's do this?

Okay.

Great.

Don't f*** me over.

Okay.

You told him I was a filmmaker?

You said you needed a job.

How do you know this guy anyway?

He's that investment banker

in my parents' building

I used to hook up with

in high school.

Oh, my God.

He's that guy.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so he lost his job,

became a stay-at-home dad,

and got into light drugs.

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