Appropriate Behavior Page #2

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Good for him.

So, do you have a lesson plan?

What is this, Germany?

They're park slope teens.

I could lock 'em in a room

with a half-eaten apple

and a tic tac

and come back

to the "Mona Lisa."

Wh-- why are we stopping?

Oh, I have to take care

of something.

You wait out here.

No, no, no, wait.

Oh, please don't do this.

You said that no amount

of wholesale spelt Sushi

was worth the emotional toll

of being here.

She's here all the time.

They don't even offer

paper bags.

It's surprising how,

uh, lonely it gets

when you're single again,

especially when you live

with someone.

You get so used to their habits

and their lifestyle

and their smells,

but, um, I really

joined the co-op

to spend time with her,

'cause, let's be honest,

it's not the most pleasant

place to work in the world.

But if I really want Maxine

back in my life,

I'm gonna have to do

whatever it takes,

and that means getting back

onto her co-op shift,

and that's where you come in.

It-- it says in your file

that you haven't worked

a shift in four months.

Extenuating circumstances.

I've had a very broken heart.

Look, all members are entitled

to one free pass

after a delinquency,

but I cannot get you

onto her shift.

It's all booked.

I'm sorry,

I didn't catch your name.

Jackie.

Hi, Jackie.

Um...

The last time I checked,

this is a cooperative.

Why don't you go ahead

and cooperate with me,

and I'll cooperate with you.

But how do you get them

so curly?

Let's go.

It was so nice meeting you.

Shirin told me you're an artist.

Landscaping or portraits?

I specialize in

experimental installations,

and Jacques is currently

focusing on sandcastle work

integrating found objects.

We're done with the boxes.

I'm coming.

It was so nice meeting you.

There's no toilet paper.

Hey, you guys can go.

I feel like I'm 17

and you're moving me

back into college.

I wish.

That dorm was much nicer.

This is what it is

to find a place

on short notice in Brooklyn.

At least you have

a sexy roommate.

Felicia? I find her

a bit terrifying.

No, I'm talking about

the boy-- Jacques.

Your new roommates are freaks.

Hey, is this how you say hello?

Hi.

Can we tell her?

Tell me what?

I'm proposing to Layli.

Why?

Hey.

Shirin.

I'm not saying

you shouldn't do it.

It's just...

He's very young.

He's 33.

I was only 19

when I married your father.

Well, this isn't the Islamic

Republic of Iran, mom.

Do you see a hijab on my head?

What is wrong with you?

Nothing.

You're acting like a brat.

Stop it.

You're bringing

a lot of negative energy

into my new home.

Oh, this is not a home.

This is a refugee camp.

Seriously,

what are you doing here?

You don't know what a cool

Brooklyn loft looks like.

I just don't understand

why you left your old apartment.

The neighborhood

was so much better.

It got too expensive.

We would have helped you.

This is my new home,

and I love it.

Okay.

Ali, come.

Help me in the kitchen.

Okay, but I'm not

touching anything.

I'm sure the girl

who let me in has hep c.

Dad?

Yeah?

I'm worried about Ali.

I think he's jumping

into marriage

because he thinks he has to.

He's got classic

older child syndrome.

He'll do anything

to make you and mom happy.

She has no goals

or aspirations.

She takes nothing seriously.

She's becoming a loser.

Lower your voice.

She has this, like,

younger child thing.

I'm telling you,

you need to be on top of that.

You don't think

I'm doing my best?

She's not easy.

He's, like, burying his emotions

deep beneath the surface,

and, like, one day,

he could pull a gun

on his coworkers.

I think she has

self-esteem issues.

Yeah, no kidding.

When was the last time

she had a boyfriend?

That Virginia tech kid

was just trying to please

his strict Korean parents.

It's not like she's dumb

or super unattractive.

I mean, she's perfectly

capable of being normal.

I don't want him

to find himself,

like, ten years from now,

fat, bald,

and in a loveless marriage

because he was rushing to become

the world's best Iranian son.

The men in our family

don't go bald.

Oh, I don't need

new reading material.

I'm only up to book two

of the "Twilight" series.

I'm broadening your horizons.

This is some

pretty serious stuff here.

I'm asking you to read

some books.

You don't need to get

your septum pierced.

Yet.

Oh, hey.

Um, excuse me,

this is actually

the Brooklyn kids

movie maker class.

I think you have the wrong room.

No, this right.

I'm a movie director.

See you at five.

And I'm gonna poop.

No! Don't!

Kujo, could you

please hold--

Put down the truck

and hold the camera.

Stop throwing.

I don't think

you can fit it all.

Hey, Kujo, the lens is

way too close to your butt.

Oh, you're on OkCupid.

My taxidermist met

her husband on that site.

I'm just looking for someone

to make my girlfriend jealous.

We're on a break.

Good luck.

Felicia?

Yes?

You're in a long-term,

seemingly healthy relationship.

Can you tell me,

how do people meet,

agree they like each other,

and then... keep on

liking each other?

Shared interests?

Jacques and I met

at occupy Chelsea.

I'm gonna lie here

and try to forget

what it felt like to be loved.

Could you please

turn off the light?

Feel better.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

You want a cigarette?

I don't smoke.

Yeah, me neither.

What are you doing out here?

Social anxiety.

What about you?

More or less the same.

I'm Shirin.

Maxine.

It's nice to meet you.

I love dykes.

Nice.

I mean it.

You know that-- that word

is incredibly offensive.

Oh, I'm bisexual,

so it's okay if I say it.

No, it's still offensive.

You know how I meant it.

Doesn't matter how you meant it.

Tomato, to-mah-to.

What are you drinking?

I filled this water bottle

with Tequila.

Classy.

I'm drinking with a purpose.

Yeah?

This guy

with whom I recently

had an unfortunate sexual

encounter showed up,

and now I feel uncomfortable.

I just hate the way dudes get

when they can't maintain

an erection.

What do they get like?

Oh, are you a gold star?

No, I've had sex with men,

just, um, not the kind

who go soft.

Touche.

It's the worst.

They shut down,

and they get

all mopey and offended

when you make jokes.

Yeah, it's so weird

the way men don't enjoy

humor at the expense

of their penises.

Do you want some?

Sure.

I think you're hot.

Thanks.

I know that I don't look

like I'm into girls

and that I was just talking

about being a boner killer,

but I am super sexy

and super into girls.

Really?

Yeah.

I like girls like you.

Like me?

You know, like, manly,

but also a little bit

like a lady.

Nice.

Thank you.

Um...

Are you having lady problems?

What makes you think

I'm having lady problems?

Because it's new year's Eve

and you're heading out

before the countdown.

Maybe I'm heading out

to meet the person

I'm gonna kiss at midnight.

You're gonna be hella late

'cause it's like,

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