Arcadia Page #4

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just can't be easy for you kids.

It's okay. You know, with the move

and everything,

your Mom not being here...

My mom's coming.

I've got watermelon out there.

Do you know that?

Come on.

Griz, it's me.

Can I come in?

Why didn't you wanna go

swimming today?

It's 'cause of your legs, isn't it?

What?

You're embarrassed

because your legs are hairy.

It's okay.

I totally remember that feeling.

It's gross.

It's not gross.

But yeah, you should

probably start to shave.

Mom said I shouldn't start yet.

She said it'll make it come back

all thick and hairy.

Oh, come on. No.

Let's do it now.

Now?

Yeah. No one will know.

Come on. Get up on here.

Come on.

All right.

Put your legs out.

All right.

Gotta make sure

the water's warm, okay?

So it opens up your pores.

Yeah, rub it.

All right.

Ready?

See?

Easy.

You do it.

You gotta do it like that

if you want boys to like you.

Why do you like Noah anyway?

You'll see.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just wait until a guy likes you,

and then you'll see.

Guys don't like me.

They will.

What do you...

do all the time anyway?

Make out?

It's been known to happen.

How do you...

You want me

to show you that too?

Practice on your arm.

It's easy.

No!

Look, okay?

Like this.

Come on. Just don't be

sloppy about it. Ew.

Are all these questions

because of Evan? No!

Come on.

He's kind of cute, isn't he?

You kinda like him?

Gross.

Hey, girls!

We'll finish later, okay?

Come on.

Hey... Ooh. You're workin'

on a whopper there.

Dad!

Hmm?

I like the food. A lot.

Mmm.

Hey, ladies.

- How's the slumber party?

- You're not invited.

What are we gossiping about?

We're writing postcards, actually.

Oh.

Yeah.

So whatcha got in there?

Come on.

Show him your cool pictures.

Whoa.

Greta, who's the sexy one for,

your boyfriend?

No, it's... it's not that.

It's for my mom.

Well, I wanna meet your mom then.

If she's into that.

Get out, you pervert.

These are some attractive ladies.

I'm not the one who bought it.

It's for luck.

Can I have it then?

Get out. Get out!

Fine. Fine.

Sweet dreams, ladies.

Lame.

Yeah.

Tom, you have to understand

the position that we're in.

Yeah, if I needed your help,

I would have asked.

It's not like we stole your firstborn.

Just calm down.

Yeah. Yeah. It's none

of your goddamn business.

- Excuse me?

- It's not.

She deserves to know

where her kids are.

The Demarcos's lawyer is calling here in

20 minutes. He expects you to be here.

Jesus Christ. Ellen, Hank,

Thanks for the hospitality.

I don't think you

should leave just yet.

Yeah? Thanks

for the advice, buddy.

What are we supposed to tell

them when your call comes?

Merry Christmas. Get your stuff ready.

Where's your sister?

We're leaving.

Ham, get your stuff together.

Come on.

Greta!

I'm not kidding!

We're going! Where are you?

Come on!

Hey, Griz!

Let's see if they have

some flip-flops.

Why?

I don't know. Everyone wears

those in California.

Okay.

Hey, Greta, you joining?

Greta's in a bad mood

these days.

So, what, you're not

talking to me now?

No.

Why? 'Cause of Evan?

Oh, my God. You said,

and I quote, "Ew."

You didn't actually

like him, did you?

You have a boyfriend. Last time I checked

he was my "stupid" boyfriend.

You cheated.

So I'm not perfect, so sue me.

You are so goddamn

self-righteous.

You said you and Noah were gonna

get married. I never said that.

Yes, you did.

Well, I bet he's hooked up...

with Kristy Murphy

by now anyway.

Did you go all the way?

Jesus!

Did you?

What does it matter?

Well, what if you're pregnant?

What if you have a disease?

You are such a goddamn baby.

You know what? I really hope

you make a mistake someday.

That way I can treat you

like sh*t after.

Aren't you sick of bologna?

I love bologna.

It's processed meat. Do you know

what that means? Mm-mmm.

It means that random pig parts

are in there. Mm-hmm.

Okay, like brains

and balls and chemicals.

You said balls.

Oh, God.

It's 172 condors up there.

Hmm.

Where you going?

To take a walk.

Am I allowed?

# Twinkle, twinkle,

little Griz #

# How I wonder what she is

# Up above the world so high #

# Like a diamond in my eye

Would you stop?

# Twinkle...

You used to love

when I sang that.

Yeah, when I was five.

How you doing, buddy?

I bet you like

the Rockies, huh?

Maybe one day, when you get bigger,

we'll climb those mountains.

How would you like that, huh?

You never take us hiking.

I got something for you.

Jesus, Dad!

I'm sorry to be the one

to give you those.

I just didn't want to invade your

privacy by telling Caroline,

you know, in case she didn't know.

And since

your mom's not around...

Stop!

I don't wanna talk about this.

Just leave me alone.

Well, you really should talk about

it with someone. Well, not you.

Definitely not you.

Greta.

You don't walk away

while I'm talking to you.

You've turned into a rude young lady.

What happened to you?

What happened

to the lucky postcard?

Lost it.

Now we're never gonna win.

You nerds wanna hear

the rest of Shangri-La?

Mm.

- Wanna play ghost?

- Mm.

You kids are no fun.

Aren't you going

to answer that?

Telemarketers.

Are you sure it's not Mom?

It's not Mom.

How do you know?

It's an unknown number.

Well, it could be Aunt Deedee's.

You know, the kook.

It could be one

of your boyfriends.

Gee, come on. Griz, smile.

Take a joke.

Greta's not into boys.

Maybe not now.

Someday soon she'll be

beating 'em away with a stick.

Stop.

What happened at the Acres'?

Are Grandma and Grandpa suing you?

What? No.

Well, what then?

What about the lawyer?

Why could that Acres lady

call Aunt Deedee and we can't?

Okay, this eavesdropping of yours

has got to stop. It's not your concern.

- It is my concern.

- It is not.

Sh*t.

Goddamn it.

Sh*t.

Goddamn it.

Good evening.

Evening.

Driver's license

and registration, please.

All right. But, uh,

first do you mind telling me

what I've done wrong?

Sir, I'm gonna ask you again.

Driver's license

and registration, please.

Got it right here.

About to expire.

About to.

No law against that yet,

is there, Officer?

Thanks.

Is this your father, young man?

- Yeah, that's my son, Nat...

- I wasn't talking to you, sir.

Unbelievable.

Go ahead and answer

the question, son.

- He wasn't kidnapping us.

That was just a joke. - Wha...

Sir, you keep your eyes in front

and your hands on the wheel.

What the hell did you kids do?

You wanna pass that sign

to me, young lady?

This is ridiculous.

They're my kids.

They're... They're messing around.

That was smart.

Jesus.

What, now I'm being written up?

What for?

Sir, you were going 91

in a 75 zone.

Think that's safe, with those kids

back there like that?

I happen to know for a fact

I wasn't going that fast, Officer.

Hey, you kids shouldn't

play around like that.

You have yourself

a good evening, sir.

350-friggin'- bucks!

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